Archive for the ‘Waiters’ Category

Well, Sometimes We Toast Them.

Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you? –Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave Overheard by: TrigStarr

Wednesday Pun-Liners

Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there! –History Class, Bronx HS of Science Overheard by: Lillian Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said. –26th & Park Overheard by: absnola Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone? –St. James Theater Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing) –Chase Bank, 24th & 7th Overheard by: Joe Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two. –Deli, Union Square Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls. –Ninja, Hudson St

For an Extra Quarter, I’ll Spit in Your Fries

Drive-thru customer: Can I have a medium fries and a medium Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got a medium Coke.
Customer: Okay… Um… Can I have a large Coke?
Counter girl: We don’t got no large Coke either!
Customer: Ummm…
Counter girl: We got no small, medium or large Coke, and no small, medium or large Sprite!
Customer: Oh… You’re out of Coke. Okay… No drink, then.
Counter girl: I tol’ you, we out of Coke! What do you want to drink?
Customer: Ummm… Nothing?
Counter girl: We got nothing. Your total is $2.35. Drive around. –Wendy’s, Rockaway Overheard by: christine

This Urn of Scalding Decaf Says You Are Mistaken

Waiter: Excuse me, sir — can you finish up your coffee? We’re closing.
Customer: What do you mean? It’s only 10:30! You close at eleven.
Waiter: Well, we changed the hours, and we now close at 10:30.
Customer: Well, last time I checked, I am a customer and I am right about a lot of stuff, and I say you close at eleven. –Coffee shop, 20th & 1st Overheard by: PJ