Waitress: Hello. How can I help you?
Kid: I wanna buy some sushi.
Waitress: You want to buy some sushi? What kind of sushi would you like?
Kid: I don’t know.
–Wasabi Sushi, Bensonhurst
Archive for the ‘Waitresses’ Category
What About Science?
Waitress: Is that book you’re reading fiction or theory? –Cosi
Chinese Restaurant Fun
Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Grandma: Yes.
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Waitress: Mother-in-law?
Grandma: She’s a big woman.
–Chinese Restaurant, UWS
You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Ten)
Tourist in Vancouver: “I haven’t been able to find a post-office in Vancouver. Where are they?” Waitress: “Oh, the Canadian government sold off all the post-offices, now they just have kiosks in any pharmacy, so just go to the drug store down the street.”
Latka or Balki?
Waitress: How do you want your burgers cooked?
Foreigner: Cooked?
Waitress: Meat is cooked. What color do you want the meat inside to be? Pink, red, brown?
Foreigner: What?!
–Jackson Hole, 36th Street
I’ll Take 36 Inches of Rice, Please
Woman: How’s the paella?
Waitress: It’s good. It comes with clams and the whole nine yards.
–Panchito’s, Macdougal St.
“…but hold the cheese!”
Server: Oh no, not you again! Whatchoo want?
Customer: ‘talian col’ cut.
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: I said ‘talian col’ cut!
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: Damn baby, I want you on it!
Server: Shit, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me!
Customer: Damn baby, I eat that shit!
–Bed-Stuy deli
…And Now, All the Bag Jews Follow Me
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
Warning: Continuation of This Conversation Could Result in Severe Loss of Tip
Tourist guy: Where are you from?
Female waitress: Sri Lanka.
Tourist guy: Oh, I've always wanted to go to India.
Female waitress: Did you really just say that?
–Times Square Bakery
Overheard by: trey
She Was Hoping for a Salad of Steel
Waitress: Will you have a soup or salad?
Girl: Sure, I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, will you have the soup or salad?
Girl: I said I'll have the super salad.
Waitress: No, (really slowly) will you have the soup or salad.
Girl: Ohhhhh, the salad.
–Elmo, Chelsea