Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway
Preteen thug to friend: Yo, nigga! What's crackin'?
Passing suit: Your voice.
Thug's friend: Oh, snap! –Fulton St. & John St. Overheard by: Annie B
Thug guy: Yo, Dean and Deluca, they got mad expensive shit. –Borders, Broadway & Pine
Prof: A noun is a person, place or thing. Can someone give me a noun? William?
William: How ’bout…motherfucker?
Prof: That could be a noun, but also a verb or even an adjective… –BMCC Overheard by: Professor
Fat black woman #1: I tried on all their larges, and they was all tight. They don’t make sizes for real women anymore.
Fat black woman #2: That’s why all them pretty, skinny bitches in movies get killed first. No one cuts a big sister.
Fat black woman #1: Hmph… Cut them up. –80 Broad St Overheard by: The Pidge
Four-year-old: Mooooom! I want deseeeeeert!
Yuppie mom: No, sweetie, you didn't finish your sandwich.
Four-year-old: You have no soul! –Whole Foods, TriBeCa Overheard by: Has Cookies
Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing. –Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it! –Penn Station Overheard by: Deeds Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers? –Outside New York Stock Exchange Overheard by: Kyle 50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast. –34th & 7th
Saleswoman to customer on busy day: Some days you really should just stay at home. You’re cranky. –Macy’s, Herald Square Loud black lady on cell: Mothafuckah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some other… [whispers] bitch. –Mail room, Financial District Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on anyone else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests! –M14 bus Overheard by: Eyeteeth Conductor: Jessica! Jessica! Girl, you on this train. Jessica Elizabeth! I’m taking you home, girl. –6 train Overheard by: fridaholic
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again! –Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg Overheard by: Kaitlen Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today. –Grand Central Overheard by: Derek Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism. –66th & Columbus Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B. –Wall St Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation. –Starbucks, Montague Street NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning. –Kimmel Center
Guy #1: Man, I feel really, like, weird. I don’t know how to explain it!
Guy #2: I do, man. One word: muchachos. –Wall St