Woman on cell: Yeah, today's his wedding. I thought about driving seven hours through the snowstorm to go, but then I realized that it's his third wedding, he has two kids, and he's marrying some woman who's pregnant and married to someone else, so I decided to fuck that shit and stay in the city.
–6th Ave & Bleecker St
Overheard by: office peon
30-something guy on cell: Your dad told you, your brother told you, I told you… Not to get married.
–Upper West Side
Woman: We may or may not still be married. I mean, I signed the papers but I don't know if they were ever filed.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Woman screaming at embarrassed guy: We have to figure this out! You can't be married to two women at once!
–Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: Jack
Archive for the ‘Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport’ Category
The Magic Eight Ball Of Our Century
Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.
–Lafayette & Walker
Overheard by: Jesse G.
See, E.g., Scrubbing Bubbles V. American Bar Association
Teenage tourist #1: Why are American toilets so dirty?
Teenage tourist #2: Because people want to sue.
–Broome Street, Bathroom Line
Overheard by: The Messenger
Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around
Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.
–The Met
Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .
–William & Beekman
NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!
–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park
Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!
–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA
Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.
–JFK Airport
Location, Location, Location, Dear Reader
Guy: You don't understand–it doesn't have to be well-written, there doesn't need to be a good plot… It's *porn*!
Woman: No, you're missing my point. If the plot, writing, and characters don't matter, why have them at all? Why not just the sex?
Guy: Oh… That's a really good question, actually.
Woman: But all the inefficient parts are still there, so there's obviously a market value for them.
Guy: Only that they keep me from feeling like a total perv.
–Broad St & Beaver
I'm All, “Haven't We Covered That, Ally McBeenthere?”
Lady: I hate it when lawyers ask the same questions twice.
Clerk: Yeah, I know.
Lady: No matter how you rephrase it, the answer is still the same.
Clerk, laughing: Yeah.
Lady: I tell you: book smart, a little dense.
–Court Building, Centre St
…And I Am Now Unwelcome at This Gym Location.
Employee to girl leaving gym: How was your workout?
Girl: I just made that machine my bitch!
–Varick St
Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?
Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.
–Wall St & William St
Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!
–Central Park
Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th
Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.
–Bakery, Chinatown
Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.
–Bowery & Spring
Overheard by: Kaze
…But I Was Going for Macy Grey.
Foreign guy to tall, skinny, black guy with dyed-blonde afro and goatee: You look just like Aretha Franklin. You look just like Aretha Franklin!
Afro guy: Thanks, man.
–Church & Reade
Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra
Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!
–Chrystie & Housten
Overheard by: Probably True…
Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Would the street be safer?
Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.
–Duane Reade
Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Katface