Archive for the ‘Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pasty

Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.

–Roc Restaurant

Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!

–St. Andrews Bar

Overheard by: allimax

Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!

–Near Manhattan Mall

Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.

–Hanover & Water

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.

–4 Train

Overheard by: jessie

They Grow Up So Fast

Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch! –Canal Street Overheard by: Jonathan Harris

Seminal Wednesday One-liners

Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine. –Varick Street Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken! –Alt.coffee, Avenue A Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler