Archive for the ‘War’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Run the Other Underground Railroad

Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off) –LIRR Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go! –1 Train Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast. –F Train Overheard by: Thom Cohen Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that. –Downtown 2 Train Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you? –Downtown A Train Overheard by: Guitarbuyer Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next. –B11 Bus Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go! –1 Train Overheard by: Ali

Just As Long As It's Chicks Who Are Willing to Sleep with Me

20-something hipster boy #1: So, you ever think that the US will stop being the most powerful nation in the world?
20-something hipster boy #2: Well, if not us, then who?
20-something hipster boy #3: They say China will take over eventually.
20-something hipster boy #2: China? What the hell are they gonna do, drop people on us? –E Train Overheard by: chinese girl who sat next to them

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that. –1 New York Plaza Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime? –Wall Street Overheard by: …I almost asked 30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens. –Court St. & Montague Overheard by: Kaiti Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way! –G Train Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland! –Queens

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them. –7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas! –NJ Transit Overheard by: Tess Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed! –45th & 9th Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation… –Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA! –R Train Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll