Archive for the ‘War’ Category

Maverick Wednesday One-Liners Take on the Washington Establishment

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead. –Store, 2nd Ave Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says. –Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day! –W 3rd & MacDougal St Overheard by: Matt 60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie! –Penn Station Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine. –Caroll Gardens Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain. –Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill

Wednesday One-Liners Are in It for the 72 Virgins

Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno! –34th & 3rd Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"? –22nd & 2nd Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk. –Grand Central Food Court Overheard by: Reilly Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt? –Downtown E Train Overheard by: Withnail Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame) –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Passerby Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi. –7 Train

I Don’t Think Either of You Have Really Seen The Polar Express

10-year-old little brother: And then there was this huge fight on an armored train.
20-something big brother: Wait, are you sure it was a train?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah, it was an armored train that had guns, and bombs, and fireworks.
20-something big brother: Are you sure it wasn’t a truck? I saw that movie and it was a truck.
10-year-old little brother: Nope, it was a train.
20-something big brother: You didn’t see the movie, did you? You just had someone tell you about it, right?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah… –1 Train Overheard by: EthanK

Hawkeye Just Wants an Audience

Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that “Oh What a Night (December ’63)” song.]
100-year-old male shopper: ’63? You’re not even old enough to remember ’63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in ’60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, ’60, huh? I served in Korea… –20th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: LiAps

But Isn’t That Malt Liquor in Your Carriage?

Black woman with baby carriage to people trying to push in: What’s the matter with you mothafuckahs? Are the goddamn stairs broken?
Old black man: You take the stairs, bitch! I’m a veteran! I fought for my goddamn country, and now you won’t make room for me in a goddamn elevator?! [Doors close, leaving old black man out.]
Black woman with baby carriage: Fuck his old ass. Women and children first. –Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Big Larry

Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers? –JFK Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip Headline by: Miss Edith Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa
· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza
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