Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded. –Time Warner Security Check Overheard by: spandangle Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature. –Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square Overheard by: GJL Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it? –Brooklyn Library Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place. –86th & Brooklyn Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again? –Liberty Island Overheard by: heather linford Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze! –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Honest Truth
Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead. –Store, 2nd Ave Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says. –Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day! –W 3rd & MacDougal St Overheard by: Matt 60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie! –Penn Station Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine. –Caroll Gardens Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain. –Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill
Hobo: The best way to fight terrorism is not with guns and bombs, but with beer and porno. Beer and porno! –34th & 3rd Man walking a black terrier to woman walking a brown terrier: Do you think the word "terrorist" came from the word "terrier"? –22nd & 2nd Grand Central loudspeaker: Will Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk… Tommy the Terrorist please report to the information desk. –Grand Central Food Court Overheard by: Reilly Black guy: How the fuck can you curse a stadium? With a shirt? How the fuck do you do that? Tell me how that’s done! Y’all warlocks and shit? Ain’t no one can curse no one else. Cause none of you are warlocks! And if you were a fucking warlock why you cursing the fucking Yankees? Fuck, why don’t we curse Bin Laden? Send him a shirt? –Downtown E Train Overheard by: Withnail Mom to child: You’ll either become a terrorist or a smelly homeless person! (child lowers his head in shame) –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Passerby Hobo: Bush is a terrorist. Him and his father blew up WTC. (looks at Asian man) Jackie Chan is my friend. When you go to Hong Kong, tell him I said hi. –7 Train
10-year-old little brother: And then there was this huge fight on an armored train.
20-something big brother: Wait, are you sure it was a train?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah, it was an armored train that had guns, and bombs, and fireworks.
20-something big brother: Are you sure it wasn’t a truck? I saw that movie and it was a truck.
10-year-old little brother: Nope, it was a train.
20-something big brother: You didn’t see the movie, did you? You just had someone tell you about it, right?
10-year-old little brother: Yeah… –1 Train Overheard by: EthanK
Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that “Oh What a Night (December ’63)” song.]
100-year-old male shopper: ’63? You’re not even old enough to remember ’63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in ’60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, ’60, huh? I served in Korea… –20th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: LiAps
Female attorney: Bush said that America will rebuild Lennon. Why should we? We didn’t bomb them. We have enough problems of our own to worry about. Bush is nuts!
Male attorney: Lennon’s been dead for over 25 years. –Outside Civil Court, Queens Overheard by: Big Larry
Hobo with jar around his neck reading “TIPS” is approached by another hobo wearing a sign reading “CLASSIC BUM.” An American Apparel employee comes out and takes a Polariod. “TIPS” hobo: This is a Bum War, lady. But you like what you see? Spare some change? –Houston & Orchard
Guy hearing fireworks go off: Wow! Listen to the fireworks! Or maybe it’s the Soviet Union bombing Manhattan!
Girl, obviously unimpressed: Yeah, they totally need to make a comeback. –3rd & 5th
Black woman with baby carriage to people trying to push in: What’s the matter with you mothafuckahs? Are the goddamn stairs broken?
Old black man: You take the stairs, bitch! I’m a veteran! I fought for my goddamn country, and now you won’t make room for me in a goddamn elevator?! [Doors close, leaving old black man out.]
Black woman with baby carriage: Fuck his old ass. Women and children first. –Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Big Larry
Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks. –Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx