Girl: He has a really amazing skull. –Bakery, Cortelyou Road Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses? –170th St & Broadway Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex! –Broadway & Ooper Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Colin
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette. –Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th Overheard by: Pleased Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake! –Peter McMannus Pub LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa. –LIRR Overheard by: Jenna K NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough? –Waverly & Mercer Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers. –172nd St & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother. –M08 Bus 20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special! –207th St & Broadway Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass? –LIRR Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message. –Metro-North Rail Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about. –42nd St & Lexington Overheard by: Carolyn
Teen boy #1: Did you ever do that in Grand Theft Auto?
Teen boy #2: Yes. It’s fucking nuts. Nuts as in testicles. –207th & Broadway
NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean. –University & 4th St Overheard by: sarah Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies! –147th & Convent Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg. –Park Ave & Spring St Overheard by: Christopher Schulz Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf. –Macy's Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts? –Meatpacking District Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack
Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face! –176th & Broadway Overheard by: emily d. Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen! –2nd Ave & 10th St Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly! –Midtown Bar Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why? –Broadway & 13th St
Chick: Excuse me, are the trains running? Because there's one just sitting there…
Station clerk: Nah, they runnin', they runnin'! He just chillin' a little! –215th Street 1 Station Overheard by: Rose Fox
Straight guy #1: I saw this show on TV about guys who would date girls even if they have a penis ‘cuz they were so hot!
Straight guy #2: Penis is definitely the deal breaker for me. –187th St & Broadway
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR. –Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St Overheard by: dlr Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail! –Strawberry Fields, Central Park Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax. –E Train Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do. –E 14th St Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead. –NYS Psychiatric Institute Overheard by: nonrandomerror Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell. –Oriental Garden
Girl #1: I'm sorry! They're closed!
Girl #2, crying: I don't care! There's no way I'm going in that room without some Kool-Aid! –Outside Gristedes, 170th & Broadway Overheard by: Cheezy Kreezy