Archive for the ‘Washington Heights and Inwood’ Category

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?" –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny. –PATH Overheard by: Corey Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently. –Montague St, Brooklyn Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE! Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again! –8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea Overheard by: Evan Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic! –Washington Heights

No Difference to a Lonely Hawaiian

Girl #1: I find it tart, too. Also kind of musky and a little sweet.
Girl #2: Mmm. Wait! Are you talking about pineapple or pussy? –Washington Heights Headline by: Jay B
Runners-Up:
· “A little bit of everything goes into an Orange Julius” – Mike
· “A normal conversation between two airport drug smugglers” – Scott
· “And Why is This Tasting Room So Crowded?” – Greg Costello
· “Can it be both?” – saltwater
· “Pussy! But not yours. Yours is nasty.” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Pussy.” – Ray
· “That’s why the Hawaiian word for pineapple is “poon”” – marcusj
· “The One with the Hole in the Middle” – DanC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Do the Vatican Rag

Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour. –83rd & Lex Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews. –6th and D Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka. –218th & Park Terrace West Overheard by: Kelley Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes. –Carmine St Overheard by: arctinus

Actually, a Shirt by Tommy Bahama

Aging woman with poor Botox: I've been all over the world. All over. Every continent, practically.
Friend: Where have you been?
Aging woman with poor Botox: I haven't been to Africa… Asia… I haven't gone to India or Russia… The Middle East… Uh… I've been to Europe a lot.
Friend: Where in Europe?
Aging woman with poor Botox: The Bahamas. –Bleu, 187th & Fort Washington Overheard by: RyanK

…It Was Your First Time, Right?

Police officer #1: They really shouldn't let elderly people in this elevator. It's so hot and there's no air circulation, people pass out in here!
Police officer #2: Well, maybe they should just not go on the elevator. (they laugh)
Police officer #1: But seriously, I had to give three old ladies mouth-to-mouth.
Police officer #2: Well, there's a first time for everything. –168th St

Wednesday One-Liners Treat Women and Men the Same

Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex? –School of Visual Arts Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal? –Lower East Side College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers. –LIRR Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps. –Union Square Overheard by: alib Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex? –177th St & Broadway