Archive for the ‘Washington Square Park’ Category

“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

And It Doesn't Help That the Ones You Have Keep Disappearing on You

Hippie girl, about friend cheating: So now she won't answer anyone's calls. And her boyfriend said she hasn't come home in a week.
Friend, completely serious: Maybe he killed her for cheating on him and is calling everyone, acting worried.
Hippie girl: Are you serious right now?! She is probably staying with the guy she's been cheating with.
Friend, looking ashamed: Sorry, I've been watching way too much SVU.
Hippie girl: You need to make friends when you go back to Boston!

–Washington Square

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Do This Again. 'Til Nex Time.

20-something girl to friend: I mean, my husband never asked me a direct question; so I never had to lie. He never said, "what were you doing today at 3 pm?" so I didn't ever have to respond,"screwing my new boyfriend in a Lower East Side apartment that we just rented."

–Max Cafe, Morningside Heights

Girl on cell: This time I'll respect the fact that you're engaged.

–St. Mark's & 1st

Overheard by: spead

White guy to Asian guy: But no sex, because she has a boyfriend… But head is okay…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: GreenwichSandwich

Man shouting on cell: I'm a spic?! Well, you're a Jew! Besides, how was I supposed to know you had a husband?

–5th Ave & 90th St

30-something guy to another: So I asked this girl if she had any friends she could hook me up with and she responded with an emailed .pdf of names, pictures, phone numbers and a short blurb about each girl. The funniest part was this one girl, it said: "has boyfriend, will fuck other people."

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Brian

WTFday One-Liners

Buff guy with tattoos: I wish I could just stop time and fuck them all!

–42nd St

Mime on cell: Who the fuck is this?

–2nd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Jesse D

Man pacing back and forth on cell: Yo! What the fuck is up with your fucking friend Chris? He just smiled at me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife tonight," and walked away laughing. What the fuck is that all about? (pause) What! You're working a double tonight? The fuck you are! Fuck this shit! I'm coming to get you after I get off.

–210th St & Bainbridge Ave

Overheard by: Gutterlush

Thug on cell: Lavender, potpourri… Whatever the fuck you want, they fucking got it.

–Washington Square Park

Guy on cell, angrily: Yeah, well, I never want to see you again because you're such a bitch. (pause) Whatever, fuck you! (pause) Fuck me? Fuck me? (changes tone) You wanna fuck me? (pause) Yeah, I wanna fuck you, baby… (pause) Yeah, okay, I'll be right back.

–Chelsea Market

Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th