Archive for the ‘Washington Square Park’ Category

He’s Just Not That Into Your Calendar

Girl #1: So he told me that no matter what happens on June 31st, he will come to my house and we’ll discuss our wedding.
Girl #2: I wish my boyfriend would be there for me.
Girl #1: It sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except there is no 31st of June. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ting Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I’m gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That’s awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno…
Catholic schoolgirl: Let’s see…June, July, August, September, November…December? No, that’s not right…January, February, April, May… –N train Overheard by: Olga Kogan

Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude

Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Harmony Davis

Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!

–W 72nd S, Record Store

Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…

Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.

–West Village

Overheard by: Andy & Nick

Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sofia

Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!

–Bar, Fulton St

Overheard by: Izzy

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!

–Union Square Station

Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)

–11th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mal Sullivan

Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…

–2 Train

Overheard by: drew

Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…

–E Train

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

Real Sunlight Isn’t Slippery Enough

Queer: So, I freaked out earlier this morning. I went to the bathroom to take a piss, whipped it out, and my dick was brown!
Fag hag, horrified: Did you not clean yourself good after anal?
Queer: No, no, I always do! But, like, I’m thinking I have an STD or something! My heart almost stopped!
Fag hag: So… Do you?
Queer: Well, no. Then I looked at my hand and it was brown, too. Then I remembered — last night I masturbated with my sister’s self tanner.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: trying to get the mental image out of my head

Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!

–Washington Square Park

Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria

Overheard by: OhKellyO

Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part

Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Overheard by: baconista

Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kytt