Archive for the ‘We Love Our Pets’ Category

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's

If Paris Hilton Comes Into Red Lobster, We’ll Discuss It

Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our accents over there?
Woman: No, it’s because in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs into restaurants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the Department of Public Health. Consider this a warning.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok because y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all. –Red Lobster, Times Square Overheard by: Lynne & Craig

Plus, We Both Like Ice Cream. And the Beatles!

Bimbo #1: Yeah, I really think I like him. We get along so well. I mean, we have a lot in common.
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah? Like what?
Bimbo #1: Well, we both love pugs.
Bimbo #2: As in the type of dog? Everyone loves pugs. How can you not like pugs? They are so fucking cute.
Bimbo #1 (challengingly): Yeah? Well, how about this one? Both of our dads died in plane crashes.
Bimbo #2: Oh. My. God. You are sooo meant to be together. –Brooklyn Bound N Train Overheard by: totes meant to be

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war. –Therapy Store Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars. –31St & Ditmars, Astoria Overheard by: Randi and Patrick (at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton! –Midtown Overheard by: Oh the irony 50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian. –Union Square Park Overheard by: Ksenia Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war! –7 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Crank the Woofers

Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs. –Barfly, 20th & 3rd Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest! –Searchlight, 11th & University Overheard by: MissPinkKate Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you. –Bay Head Train Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things… –24th Ave, Astoria Overheard by: sara n. Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog! –Prince St Overheard by: elle Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor! –Vesey St