Old man to dog: You ain’t never goin’ to heaven if you keep pullin’ this shit! After noticing other people listening: Well someone’s gotta say something! –Thompkins Square Park dog run
Chick: I have to run in here and get more ChapStick.
Guy: You just bought chapstick yesterday.
Chick: My dog steals them and eats them.
Guy: That must be why his lips are so soft. –Columbus between 89th & 90th
Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria.
Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down.
Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid!
–13th & 3rd
Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section!
–Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids!
Overheard by: Ross
Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Trust fund girl #1: But you have to have a baby. Babies are so cute ’cause you can dress them up.
Trust fund girl #2: Totally, and they are way easier then dogs.
Trust fund girl #1: You don’t have to walk them even… –5th & Park
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that. –39th & Lex Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!” –Whitehall Ferry Terminal Overheard by: Steven Lowell Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey? –Museum of Natural History Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s. –19th & 6th Overheard by: CocteauBoy 5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here? –59th between Broadway & 7th Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much. –American Wing Cafe, the Met Overheard by: guingel MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick. –Bleecker & Lafayette Overheard by: Brewster Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you. –Houston & Bowery Overheard by: Jon A. Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees. –Penn Station Overheard by: Jon Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will. –53rd & Broadway Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat. –10th St & 1st Ave Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop. –Q101 bus Overheard by: Kaleena Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus. –14th St 1 station Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard! –59th & 7th Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.” –The Strand, Broadway Overheard by: Miss Parker
Tattooed young mother: So when we get home we could take pictures of the cat.
Four-year old: We could take pictures of the cat's penis, you told me cats have penises!
Tattooed young mother (hushing child): Why are you so fascinated by that?
Four-year old: I like penises!
Tattooed young mother: Don't say that, you can't say things like that!
Overheard by: wow.
Guy walking small dog: It’s crazy that we live so close to each other and I never see you.
Woman walking giant dog: I know it’s my fault, I’ve been crazy busy at work.
Guy: We don’t have to make it a big thing -even if we just get together for a half an hour of sex.
Woman: I’m up for that!
–W 26th St
Bike messenger, at a trio of small dogs barking at him: What is it boy? There was an accident at the old saw mill? Timmy’s been hurt?
JAP walking dogs, angrily: Did I say you could talk to my fucking dogs? Get the fuck away from my dogs! [to dogs] I’m sorry, sweet babies. Did the crazy poor person scare you? My poor sweet babies.
Overheard by: adrift midwestern hipster
Deli guy: Getting some beers?
Customer guy: Yup. Three for me and one for my dog. –Bodega, Amsterdam & 109th
Ghetto boy, pointing to fish in tank: When you say twelve cents, do you mean, like, twelve pennies?
Amused pet store worker: Yes, we mean twelve pennies.
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Pet-co shopper