Loud girl: I'm not gonna move in with him until he gets rid of that damn dog! I'm not gonna let him pull a fast one on me. I'm not commuting two hours to work while that dog lies around the house all day. Hell no! He better get that damn dog euthanized.
Tired-looking, quiet older woman: Sounds like you got him all figured out.
–6 Train
Archive for the ‘We Love Our Pets’ Category
The Lightbulb Moment That Would Change Peter's Life Forever
20-something chick: I still think the dog toy looks like a butt plug.
20-something guy: If there is such a thing.
20-something chick, with shocked face: Are you serious? Yes, there are butt plugs.
20-something guy: For what?
20-something chick: For people.
20-something guy: For *what*?
20-something chick: Nevermind.
20-something guy: No! Tell me! For *what*?
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Saaaandwich?
What Happens When You're Conceived During Doggy-Style
NYU chick #1: What kind of dog is that one? (points towards woman with a bundle in her arms)
NYU chick #2: That's a baby.
–59th St
Overheard by: Kate
I Totally Saw Her Cut in Line at Starbucks Earlier
Old man walking dog (bumping into ghetto girl #1): Watch where you're going, bitch!
Ghetto girl #1 (turning and running after old man, wielding thick Harry Potter book as a weapon): That man just called me a bitch!
Ghetto girl #2 (running after friend): He was talking to the dog! Put the book down! His dog is a bitch!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: She-Who-Never-Uses-HP-As-A-Weapon
Plus, We Both Like Ice Cream. And the Beatles!
Bimbo #1: Yeah, I really think I like him. We get along so well. I mean, we have a lot in common.
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah? Like what?
Bimbo #1: Well, we both love pugs.
Bimbo #2: As in the type of dog? Everyone loves pugs. How can you not like pugs? They are so fucking cute.
Bimbo #1 (challengingly): Yeah? Well, how about this one? Both of our dads died in plane crashes.
Bimbo #2: Oh. My. God. You are sooo meant to be together.
–Brooklyn Bound N Train
Overheard by: totes meant to be
Explain Katie Couric Then, Brainiac
(excited dog jumps onto lady)
Lady: Oh, why are you so frisky?
Dog walker: He's a puppy.
Lady: Oh, so he's new to New York? Soon he'll be just as jaded and angry as the rest of us.
–32nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tacomeat
Might Want to Take Off Those Ankle Weights
Young lady: Fuck you, motherfucker!
Boyfriend: C'mon, baby, she dint mean nuttin' to me.
Young lady: That's it. You ain't gettin' it no more! I wouldn't fuck you with the cat's pussy!
Boyfriend: Alright den, the hell with you! Bye–but dem legs are gonna bring you down!
–Queens Bus Stop
Wednesday One-Liners Crank the Woofers
Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs.
–Barfly, 20th & 3rd
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest!
–Searchlight, 11th & University
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you.
–Bay Head Train
Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things…
–24th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog!
–Prince St
Overheard by: elle
Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor!
–Vesey St
Tonight's Lifetime Movie: Dakota– Portrait of a Serial Killer
Nine-year-old girl: Mom, that kitten is so cute! Can we get a kitten?
Mother: Honey, I know it's cute, but we have to take care of the two cats we already have.
Nine-year-old girl: No, I know. I mean when they die.
–Veterinarian Waiting Room, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Ben A
Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners
Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.
–3rd & Sullivan
Overheard by: Sizzle
Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!
–Central Park West
Overheard by: Sarah
Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!
–Fordham Road
Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.
–PETCO, Union Square
Overheard by: Ave
Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…
–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village
Overheard by: wink
(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!
–Tompkins Square Park