Archive for the ‘We Love Our Pets’ Category

Try “Doggies for Druggies,” Sir

Young thug to ASPCA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
ASPCA rep: Yes, she is up for adoption, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that's cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
ASPCA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain't gonna beat her.

–Union Square, ASPCA Day

Overheard by: Somebody should beat him.

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor
: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!


–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Willard Got Sent to Live With Relatives in the Poconos

Tattooed young mother: So when we get home we could take pictures of the cat.
Four-year old: We could take pictures of the cat's penis, you told me cats have penises!
Tattooed young mother (hushing child): Why are you so fascinated by that?
Four-year old: I like penises!
Tattooed young mother: Don't say that, you can't say things like that!

–F Train

Overheard by: wow.

Translation: “God, I Need a Woman.”

Man: Yeah, my mother raised me right. I make sure I eat breakfast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sardines and grits every day.
Woman: Sardines?
Man: Hell, yes. Sometimes I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don't matter if they just ate or nothing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usually give them a little of whatever I cook. You know, and then they either eat it or they don't. They like turn their heads away if they don't like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.

–B26 Bus, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

The Girls Learn How Important It Is to Be Cute

Man: That’s a very cute dog!
Girl #1: Yes, she is. My dad got her at a pet store. He was going to get a dog at the shelter, but he didn’t want to.
Girl #2: Yeah, so the dog he would have gotten at the shelter died, because it was a kill shelter.
Dad: Um, I’m not really taking full responsibility for that.
Girl #1: The dog was killed. Just because you didn’t want it.
Girl #2: Yeah, dad.
Dad: Really. I think this is less than 5% my fault. Look, this where we get off.
Man: Have a good night! Sleep well.

–Elevator, 82nd & 3rd

Overheard by: emily

Wednesday One-Liners for the Crazy Cat Lady

Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.

–Brooklyn Heights

Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.

–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn

Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.

–17th & 8th

Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Is that how it works?

Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.

–JFK