Archive for the ‘Weapons’ Category

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place. –Union Ave Overheard by: Seth Callaway Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms? –Turkish Restaurant, Montague St. Overheard by: Mike N Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet. –L train Overheard by: Ladle Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?! –41st & 3rd Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.] –Starbucks Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you! –NYU Waverly Building

These Wednesday One-Liners Will Self-Destruct in Five Seconds

Southern tourist: … And, like, we all came all the way to the city, and there’s a bomb threat? I mean, we even made reservations! –78th & Broadway Guy to chick: Take Albert Einstein, for instance. He was a small guy, and he built the atomic bomb… And he nuked Japan with it. –116th & Broadway Overheard by: Chelsea Mom to child as he fashions a bomb out of clay: Tyler, this is a non-violent birthday party! –Central Park Overheard by: Wondering what a violent one is like Substitute chemistry teacher: Okay, let’s get a little sex appeal in here… Who knows how to make a hydrogen bomb? –Stuyvesant High Morally outraged thugette: He mess with the wrooong girl! I will blow this whole train up! –G train Overheard by: sarah Professor: … And in next week’s class — how to build a nuclear bomb! –Fordham University Overheard by: Sromeo

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?" –Penn Station Overheard by: Amanda R. 10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held? –5 Train Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot! –LIRR Overheard by: L.C. Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer! –W 45th & 5th Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is? –J Train Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips! –Havanna's Bar

And I Hate When She Questions My Hoplology

Greek male #1: Your mother is upset! She is very mad about this!
Greek male #2: She is mad at me?
Greek male #1: Yes! Because you did not take care of the job.
Greek male #2: I did! I used the black knife with the big blade. The good one.
Greek male #1: Oh, very good.
Greek male #2: You are upset. I can see it in your eyes.
Greek male #1: No, I just had a couple of beers. –Crescent & Ditmars, Astoria Overheard by: Natalie