Archive for the ‘Weapons’ Category

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers. –Midtown Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you. –Roosevelt Island Golf Center Overheard by: erak 40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts. –The High Line 60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me? –Prince & Sullivan

Afghanistan's the Place for That Sort Of Thing

Girl: You know how, like, Chris* lives in the Bronx?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: And you know how like there are drive-bys there all the time, right?
Guy: (gives her a skeptical look)
Girl: Well, Chris* was going home late the other night and there was a drive-by! He says he saw blood and everything! Can you believe that? Blood! Ewwwwww!
Guy: If you witnessed a drive-by shooting your first reaction would be, “ewwwwww!”? Mine would be “I gotta get out of here before I get shot!”
Girl: Anyway, it just proves my point about the Bronx. –6 Train

He's Not Kidding, Dear Reader

College boy #1: But what if zombies overtook Manhattan?
College boy #2: Then we'd be fucked. Simple as that. They're too many people here, the entire island would be zombies.
College boy #1: But what if we hid out in K-mart? With guns?
College boy #2: You mean the K-mart we just passed? Even if we managed to barricade the doors, there's an entrance to the subway, we'd be fucked.
College #1: I wonder what the zombie survival guide has to say about this. –3rd Ave & St. Mark's

One-Liners Mean What Wednesdays Say They Mean

Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser? –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized. –Hospital, 10th Ave Overheard by: tinyfoo Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it. –Brooklyn Overheard by: john ainley Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin! –French Consulate, Upper East Side Overheard by: James

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point. –Bard High School, Queens Overheard by: Sunny 20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan! –50th & 8th Overheard by: camillia* Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge! –St. Mark's Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people. –Lord & Taylor, 39th St Overheard by: mira Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit! –6 Train

Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter? –John Jay College of Criminal Justice Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo) –C Train Overheard by: Emily B. Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again. –Amtrak Train, Penn station Overheard by: Madge Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later. –94th St & Broadway

Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out. –Central Park Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut! –Wachovia Wells Fargo Overheard by: CS Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles) –LIRR Overheard by: kill her Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag! –The Bronx Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair! –Rockefeller Park