Archive for the ‘Weather’ Category

The Closest I Get to Art Is My Wife's Acrylic Nails!

Docent: I'm sorry, sir. Only staff are allowed in the elevator at this time. The roof is closed due to bad weather.
Man: But the museum closes in thirty minutes. This is my last chance. I really don't mind a few raindrops.
Docent: Sorry sir, staff only.
Man: Could you please get a staff member to take me up then? I came all the way from Jersey for this. –The Met

I Recommend You Go South for the Winter

Hobo: Yo man, it’s freezing outside! Can I get a shirt?
Teenager with suitcase: No, go away.
Hobo: Come on man, you probably got like ten shirts in there.
Teenager with suitcase: Listen to me bum, you’re already wearing ten shirts, you’re not getting a shirt.
Bum: My name’s Max.
Teenager with suitcase: I’m Peter. –Penn Station

Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine

Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down. –14th & B Hipster chick: I’m totally boycotting the sun this summer. –L train Overheard by: Matt Ferrin Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical.” –34th & 7th Overheard by: Bridget Unnel

Grey’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology. –Grand Central Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go? –Times Square Overheard by: jacki Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl. –White St & W. Broadway Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story.. Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this! –Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off! –4 Train Overheard by: Not High, Kumar Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose. –The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th