Archive for the ‘Weather’ Category

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!

–M104 Bus

Overheard by: Samantha

Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!

–Bergdorf Goodman

Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall

Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!

–104th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.

–43rd & 8th

Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Overheard by: jules

Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Philip & Richard

The Closest I Get to Art Is My Wife's Acrylic Nails!

Docent: I'm sorry, sir. Only staff are allowed in the elevator at this time. The roof is closed due to bad weather.
Man: But the museum closes in thirty minutes. This is my last chance. I really don't mind a few raindrops.
Docent: Sorry sir, staff only.
Man: Could you please get a staff member to take me up then? I came all the way from Jersey for this.

–The Met

Wednesday One-Liners: Large and in Charge

Exhausted woman with backpack: Why do I have to be so fat?

–42nd St

Gossip Girl clone to another: Oh my god! Can you even imagine being obese in this weather?

–Lafayette & Spring

Skinny gangster white boy: Yo, dude, are we hanging out with those fat chicks?

–96th St & Lexington

Overheard by: great standards

Chubby girl yelling on cell: Yeah, and her bridesmaid dress totally accentuates my back fat–as if I didn't have enough problems!

–47th & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.

–Cosmetology Class, Astoria

Overheard by: Kelsey

Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."

–Wilson ave, Bushwick

Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.

–132nd St & Cypress

Overheard by: office drone

Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!

–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn

Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?

–Q20 Bus

Overheard by: Liza

Wednesday One-Liners Think Bugs Bunny Is Gay

Fat girl to friends: You know who I want to be? Motherfucking Rainbow Brite. Bitch had a flying horse.

–29th & 7th

20-something guy, following very loud clap of thunder: By the power of Greyskull!

–Center Boulevard, Long Island City

Overheard by: mixxy5

Hobo, to no one in particular: Find me on the computer; my name's Scooby-Doo.

–Starbucks

Cop to partner: God, working with you is like working with Stewie Griffin. (whiney) Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaan… Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaan!

–Train