Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their License

Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.

–JFK

Overheard by: DFlan

Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?

–27th & 7th

Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Micaela

Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’

–Court & Schermerhorn St

JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!

–NYU

This Crazy Little Thing Called Wednesday One-Liners

Lesbian hipster to girlfriend, smiling: I love that you get on my nerves now!

–St. Mark’s & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Dan

Hoochie on cell: Look, I love you — you’re my best friend — but if I don’t hang up this phone, I’m going to tell you what I really think, and you’ll be pissed.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: EthanK

WASP yuppie on cell: We were really proud of ourselves… And then we stayed in a loving place all day.

–N train platform, Astoria

Drunk guy: The thing I hate about Tom Cruise is how much I love Tom Cruise! [Contemplative pause, then] It really fucks me up, man.

–34th & 30th

Wednesday One-Liners Will See You at the Ren Fair

Woman: She had sex with a dragon. She had sex with a dragon! I keep seeing her and wantin’ to ask, “Yo, how’s the dragon?” –Ollie’s, 69th & Broadway Overheard by: Nick Draven Virgin-For-Life on cell: Did you vanquish the dragon?…Yo, I told you to vanquish the dragon! Dumb ass nigga. Damn. –Gristedes, West Village Overheard by: KoryD Nanny to little boy: I think each country must have its own Tooth Fairy. –5th & President, Park Slope Overheard by: b Hipster on cell: It’s cooler, and you’re a vampire. Ok, I get it. –6th St & 1st Ave

Wednesday-One-Liners Cope with At-Will Employment

Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too


Guy on cell
: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.


–33rd & 6th


Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street
: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!


–54th & 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Jasmine


Bimbette
: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.


–72nd & Broadway


Suit on cell
: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?


–Wanamaker & 4th Ave


Young woman on cell
: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’


–Prospect Park

Overheard by: The Ficus


Customer
: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.


–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th

Overheard by: Devon


Well, It’s Gone Now; Timber!

Guy: We came up on 6th Avenue so now we’re on 49th!
Girl: Does anybody know where the friggin’ tree is?
Woman: It’s on the fucking left! –49th & 6th Overheard by: Emma Little girl: I hate that tree. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: melanie segal Woman: The big Christmas tree is in Central Park, right?
Man: Yeah. –1 train Overheard by: Hilla

Europeans Speak on the Issues: The ESB

British Woman: So, what’s the purpose of the Empire State Building again?
British Man: It’s a sign of American power. –Empire State Building Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien Little Italian Guy: I’ll bet this whole building weighs at least a thousand pounds. –Empire State Building (365,000 tons) Overheard by: Stomach Aches

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.

–Ave C & 16th St

Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!

–R Train

Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.

–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?

–Spruce St

Overheard by: janine