Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Know the Facts of Life

Little girl: Keep your legs closed and your books open. My mommy says a girl can get a boyfriend and then she has to drop out of school. –uptown A train Woman: I ain’t gonna take that shit, a’ight! I’m gonna fuck that nigga ’til a nigga come outta me, a’ight! –38th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Not That Nigga

Wednesday One-liners Ask the Tough Questions

White guy: You live in New Jersey and you don’t speak Spanish? –49th & 8th Overheard by: Knipc Guy on payphone: Eighty miles an hour, and he was still alive?…still alive? –W. 4th & Mercer Overheard by: Matthew Jewfro: …so why did you stick your cell phone in your anus? –Chambers & Greenwich Guy: I’d like some dick lever…I mean duck liver, please. Well, I guess dicks don’t really have levers do they? –Tuller Gourmet Food Market, Cobble Hill Overheard by: Isaac Gertman

Wednesday One-Liners for Comic Book Guy

Hipster girl: I want a cape. Capes are so in right now.

–L train

Overheard by: me

Girl on phone: So, today I was on my way to class and I saw a transvestite dressed as Wonder Woman. No, I don’t think he was going to class.

–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St

Metro newspaper man: I’m not Superman, I’m not Spiderman, I’m not Batman. I’m the Metro Man. Get your paper.

–34th St & Broadway

Overheard by: confabulation nation

Guy: I was like, "That’s you! My arch drinking nemesis."

–LIRR, Jamaica

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl: He’s like sexual kryptonite!

–2nd St & Ave A

Overheard by: Wondering who she was talking about

Wednesday One-Liners, Just As God Made Them

Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…

–The Village

Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.

–68th St

Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!

–A train

Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself

Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.

–47th & 10th

Overheard by: MuffinPuffin

Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.

–Nassau Ave

Overheard by: Izabela

Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Wednesday One-Liners Are Self-Employed in the Service Sector

Six-year-old boy to mom: I spy a hooker!

–Q train, near 7th Ave

Overheard by: Melanie

Suit on cell: For an extra 25 I’ll caress his nuts. For an extra 50 he can fuck me in the ass.

–DeKalb & Knickerbocker Ave

Overheard by: jim E.

Ghetto chick on cell: I ain’t never did it for free, but I guess I could… So I’ll just do you and him in the same day… All I’m sayin’, though — there better be food… That’s all I’m sayin’.

–4 train

Overheard by: Kris

Scholar on cell: Every public bathroom in New York is a site of male prostitution.

–Hayden Residence Hall, Washington Square

Little girl: Mommy, I don’t wanna be a concubine!

–49th St

Overheard by: caera

Man to cop friend: I mean, I knew she wasn’t a cop… but I didn’t think she was a hooker! Come on!

–Diamond District, 47th St, between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: machi

Projectile Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Barf between the cars, asshole!

–PATH train

Girl on phone: Well… We can cuddle, and then I’ll be like, ‘Get off!’ and then I’ll puke, okay?

–JJ’s Place, Columbia University

Overheard by: Rachel Lindsay

Girlfriend pushing drunken boyfriend through crowd, to bystander: Work with me here, baby — he’s throwing up all over you, and you’re still not moving.

–Rained-out Game Two, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Alison Steedman & Jeff Gilbert

Woman: There’s no better time to scream your boyfriend’s name than when you’re puking all over his bed.

–Party, 16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: McFreaky

Little girl: 50 dollars. But if you vomit, it’s free!

–76th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Rachel

Lady with accent pointing at man hunched over seat: Oh, is he throw up?

–4 train

Overheard by: fellow rider who also didn’t sit

Little boy to baby brother: Stop throwing up on me!

–3rd Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: We will soon arrive in Penn Station, the happiest place on Earth. Penn Station is next.

–LIRR

Overheard by: MineolaBoy

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Let’s go be happy in front of miserable people!

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Ashley

Hot chick on cell to girlfriend: I am really happy that she is now dating Greg… I am over him… But I am cuter than her!

–X28 Express Bus to Bensonhurst, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PDG

Middle-aged woman: Listen, I don’t need no husband. You see how happy I am? It’s because I have two cats and a vegetable crisper. I don’t need no freakin’ husband!

–Hair salon, East Village

Overheard by: edensnake

Security guard frowning at metal detector: This is my happy face.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: rage gage

Wednesday Takes It Up the One-Liner

Rotund black woman, to no one in particular: I like a hood nigga,. I like a nigga to dick me in the butt while I’m smoking a blunt.

–West Village

Loud Jamaican man yelling to friend: When I stick my penis up your butt, there ain’t no turnin’ back! You’re gonna have hemorrhoids!

–25th & 7th

Overheard by: Becka

Dude: … And then she wouldn’t even shake my hand. I mean, I’ve had my dick in your ass, and you won’t even shake my hand? What kind of shit is that?

–F train

Tween to friends: I told him, ‘If it don’t fit in my mouth, it won’t fit in my butt.’

–Bx9 bus, Kingsbridge Terrace

Overheard by: Krisztina

Angry student: He fucked me in the ass, okay? In the ass!

–NYU

How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick: How am I supposed to exercise my authority when people are asking me, ‘Do you want to lick it?’?!

–Churrascaria Plataforma

Dude: I used the little bathroom in the back, and there was sauce all over the toilet. I wanted to lick it up.

–DiFara’s Pizzeria

Teen boy: Oh my god, Barrett Foa! He’s so hot… I want him to lick my vagina! Oh, my poor, crusty vagina…

–Stage door of Golden Theatre

Overheard by: Emo Barbie Julia

Hipster boy: I will climb down on those tracks and lick that third rail. I will lick it!

–L train

Overheard by: how many hot dogs?

Punk chick: Why are you so disgusted by licking other people’s eyeballs?

–17th Ave, Brooklyn