Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Europeans Speak on the Issues: The ESB

British Woman: So, what’s the purpose of the Empire State Building again?
British Man: It’s a sign of American power. –Empire State Building Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien Little Italian Guy: I’ll bet this whole building weighs at least a thousand pounds. –Empire State Building (365,000 tons) Overheard by: Stomach Aches

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew

The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.

–Ave C & 16th St

Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!

–R Train

Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.

–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?

–Spruce St

Overheard by: janine

Wednesday Conga Liners

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Alicia

Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Original Badass

Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!

–A Train

Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.

–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball

Overheard by: pandarants

Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.

–2nd St & Ave B

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

Guy to friends: She walks like she has a huge dick, that's how she walks!

–Office Building, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Spacedog ears

Drunk guy: So I put my dick in the hard drive.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: guy walking dow street friday

Girl on cell: I can't compete with his dick!

–L Train

Overheard by: fuhggedaboudit

Angry hot girl to friend: Even if he's the biggest swinging dick in the world, so what?

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: jennifer tobias

Angry middle-aged woman to silent husband: I come home, I want some gin and some dick.

–59th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Wednesday One-Liners: Glug Glug Glug, Ahh!

NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Rogelio

College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.

–Canal St & Mott St

20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.

–181 & Ft. Washington

Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.

–D Train

Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Aron

Wednesday One-Liners' Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I'm going straight to the bridge, and I ain't stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don't spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don't walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St

Wednesday One-Liners' Next Stop Is Meth

Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I'm going straight to the bridge, and I ain't stopping for no crack!

–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.

Overheard by: Dana

Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…

–10th St & Ave A

Man to another as he walks away: Don't spend it all in one crackhouse.

–SoHo

Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don't walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!

–Broadway & 96th St