Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Wednesday

Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!

–St. Mark's Place

Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Katherine

Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…

–NYU

Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?

–82nd & Central Park West

Wednesday One-Liners in Velour Hats with Leopard Trim

Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side's for pimps and that side's for players. I'm a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That's how we do it, pimp style.

–115th & 7th, Harlem

Overheard by: beeloo

Female college student: Valentine's Day? Girl, pimps don't do Valentine's.

–1 Train

Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody.

–86th & 4th, Brooklyn

Elderly man to even more elderly man: I'm gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable… (Bow Chicka Bow Wow!)

Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn't a porn shop!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jingles

30-something woman on cell: I'm not bringing the baby to the porn convention!

–Hilton Theater

Man on phone: Did you say "corn" or "porn"?

–Onion News Network

Overheard by: Kaze

Man to wife: Don't worry, I don't need to upgrade. That's what porn is for!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: mel

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Sexting

Young female 20-something to another: Don't you ever learn anything? You can't sleep with your boss!

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Eric S

Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.

–14th St

Girl on cell: I've had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob Gioia

Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Nunez

Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?

–Starbucks, Sheridan Square

Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…

–Downtown 6 Train

Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!

–49th St, Astoria

Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!

–116th St

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura

Wednesday One-Liners Find Nemo

Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Overheard by: gossipgirlish

Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?

–Central Park East

Overheard by: walter

Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.

–D Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Sugar N' Spice and Everything Wednesday One-Liner

Fat girl to herself: Walk by the cakes, walk by the cakes.

–Grand Central

Sales guy: We've got your whale, now you want to get a cupcake?

–FAO Schwartz

College girl to friend: Yay! Someone is guarding the queer cupcakes!

–Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Little girl: I want ice cream! (mother keeps walking) You're fired!

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners for Pauly D.

Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.

–South Street Seaport

Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Ferch

Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"

–51st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…

–59th & 10th

Overheard by: shawn

Wednesday One-Liners Involve a Lot Of Concentration

Film Nazi: The Holocaust did give us some good movies.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Tom and Katie

Suit on cell : And they were playing loud Nazi music.

–Lincoln Center

Hip dude on cell, very casually: Sieg heil, my friend, sieg heil.

–Queens.

Girl: If it's about the Holocaust, it's going to get me hard… Not where I was going with that.

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: seeareuh