Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: K2 Combo Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape. –Bryant Park station Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though. –Central Park Overheard by: Emily Y.
Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.
–6th Ave & 55th St
Overheard by: Alicia
Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Original Badass
Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!
Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.
–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball
Overheard by: pandarants
Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.
–2nd St & Ave B
Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!
Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too
Guy on cell: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.
–33rd & 6th
Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!
–54th & 9th Ave.
Overheard by: Jasmine
Bimbette: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.
–72nd & Broadway
Suit on cell: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?
–Wanamaker & 4th Ave
Young woman on cell: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’
Overheard by: The Ficus
Customer: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.
–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th
Overheard by: Devon
Ghetto guy on cell: I been wantin’ to go to Chuck E. Cheese for mad long.
–E 8th St
Midwestern girl: I just paid a hundred and thirty bucks for a meal I could have had for twenty dollars at home. [Points at Midwestern guy #1] Fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #2] fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #1 again] and especially fuck you. If I wasn’t going home with a purse full of mints and toothpicks right now, I’d punch you both in the balls.
–Outside Bobby Flay’s, 46th & 2nd
Bus driver: You know, you guys, you can step up onto the back platform. You don’t need a reservation. It’s not Applebee’s.
–M60 bus to LaGuardia
Overheard by: Kevoo
Girl on cell: Why?! Why would anyone ever get something catered by Outback Steakhouse!
–W 3rd St & LaGuardia
Chick on cell: Can you eat at Dallas BBQ in a rubber shirt?
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl: If she were dead, she would have called, right? –83rd & York Overheard by: Will Suit: Well see, I’ve always either been single or in a relationship. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: McGins Guy on cell: Yeah, what he said made us sound stupid. But it made me sound even stupider! –Broadway & Bleecker Overheard by: jillypickle Girl on cell: Hello? No, you have the wrong number…Hello? No, I told you you had the wrong number. What are you, illiterate? –M train Overheard by: Jane Guy: Yo, I never knew Dean Koontz wrote books in Spanish. He’s mad smart! And Bill Clinton, too! –Barnes & Noble libros en espanol section, Union Square McChick: Would you like that “with cheese”, or without “with cheese”? –McDonald’s, 44th and Lex Man: Oh shit, it’s raining outside too? –Office, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Colin F.
Creepy white teacher: And so the black people started to spread from Harlem. And now there are black people in all five boroughs. –205 & Reservoir, the Bronx Hobo to parked white-on-white Mini Cooper: Hate car! Racist car! Bigot car! –4th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: benjamen walker Girl on cell: I don’t care if I am as white as a bar of soap, I can say bangin’ all I want. –35th St & 23rd Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Rick Adams
Little boy, hearing loud explosion: Jesus Christ!
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: Farley
Suit to girlfriend: Are you mad at Jesus?
Overheard by: Matt
Girl, pointing to eyebrow ring: I receive God through this hole in my eye!
–Financier Patisserie, Stone St
Overheard by: Gen
Teen girl: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Jesus. It was so not hot.
Overheard by: Lotte
Black man: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: jackattack
JAP: When I told my mom I didn’t want to fast today she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Ummm, I think God did.’
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: ak
Man to cop: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Jehovah’s Nitwits?
Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!
–9th Ave & 44th St
Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!
–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!
Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.
–45th & Madison
Overheard by: madnyc
One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!
–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Overheard by: Wankrupt
Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.
Overheard by: vm
Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!
–8th Ave &16th St
Little girl to people waiting to board plane: You want a grandma? We have hundreds of grandmas here.
Overheard by: detective olivia benson
Grandma, about child running with others: He runs faster than… than a little shit.
–Alice in Wonderland Statue, Central Park
Mom to kid: Do you know that purse I stole from Grandma? Hide it. She’s coming over.
Overheard by: Jeff
Grandma: If I was 50, boy, I’d be nifty. [Granddaughter stares blankly.] Yeah, if I was 50, I’d wear a leather bustiere.
Woman on payphone: I don’t care if Johnny was fucking his cousin, that don’t give you the right to steal your grandma’s credit cards!
–125th & Lex
Teacher: That’s a beautiful outfit! I forgot today was Culture Day — I would’ve come in drunk.
Overheard by: Liz
JAP: I was so drunk, and the next day I woke up in an unmade bed!
NJ Transit conductor: We’re on the train goin’ to Dovah. This is a late-night train for the drunk college kids. If you miss your stop, that sucks — we ain’t goin’ back. In Dovah, it’s ovah.
Chorus of drunks: Rehab sucks! Rehab sucks! Rehab sucks!
–Welcome to the Johnson’s, LES
Overheard by: Alexis
Large, loud lady dragging dirty hot pink suitcase to passerby: I’ve got a bottle of beer in one hand and a holy Bible in the other!
–W 39th & 8th
20-ish director type to others: Okay, I’m laying down the law for this show. Nobody drinks — none of the actors are allowed to drink before the show tomorrow. I can drink before the show, but none of the actors can drink before the show.
–Krain’s Theatre, E 4th & 2nd
Overheard by: could use a drink now
Tipsy dude: Either way, the test is coming back positive, so let’s get drunk.
–3rd & 12th