Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills. –Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn Overheard by: Erin Partridge Hobo: Man, I need a hundred dollars. Gimme a hundred dollars! I need Viagra. –13th & University Overheard by: Daniel Shrewd negotiator: You don’t gimme da money, you not gonna get da baby. –Elevator, 26th & East River housing complex Hobo to girl: Bitch, I don’t want your money! Do I look like I want your money? I don’t think so. You go and walk on. Bitch all be thinking I need her money. Why don’t you go and spend it on yourself?! Those heels are about to break. [lowers voice] Bitch be all wearin’ cheap heels and handin’ me money. –50th & Park Overheard by: Sara Woman on cell: What?….Are you there??…We’ll take New York back, and you better give me my fucking money! –W Broadway & Chambers Overheard by: Let’s hope she was refering to Monopoly Suit on cell: It’s like, “No, homeless person, you can’t have a quarter, I need money for resume paper.” –Court & Joralemon Overheard by: elmer Girl, joining friend: Sorry I’m late. I just made $100 across the street. –Post office, 14th & A
Little girl: Keep your legs closed and your books open. My mommy says a girl can get a boyfriend and then she has to drop out of school. –uptown A train Woman: I ain’t gonna take that shit, a’ight! I’m gonna fuck that nigga ’til a nigga come outta me, a’ight! –38th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: Not That Nigga
White guy: You live in New Jersey and you don’t speak Spanish? –49th & 8th Overheard by: Knipc Guy on payphone: Eighty miles an hour, and he was still alive?…still alive? –W. 4th & Mercer Overheard by: Matthew Jewfro: …so why did you stick your cell phone in your anus? –Chambers & Greenwich Guy: I’d like some dick lever…I mean duck liver, please. Well, I guess dicks don’t really have levers do they? –Tuller Gourmet Food Market, Cobble Hill Overheard by: Isaac Gertman
Hipster girl: I want a cape. Capes are so in right now.
Overheard by: me
Girl on phone: So, today I was on my way to class and I saw a transvestite dressed as Wonder Woman. No, I don’t think he was going to class.
–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St
Metro newspaper man: I’m not Superman, I’m not Spiderman, I’m not Batman. I’m the Metro Man. Get your paper.
–34th St & Broadway
Overheard by: confabulation nation
Guy: I was like, "That’s you! My arch drinking nemesis."
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: He’s like sexual kryptonite!
–2nd St & Ave A
Overheard by: Wondering who she was talking about
Gray Line tour guide: … And then I looked up into one of these fabulous brownstone buildings and there was a naked woman. She did a dance for the entire bus. Completely naked. Eye contact and everything. That’s why I never look into windows anymore…
Girl to friend: As long as they don’t know that you’re naked, it’s okay.
Crazy guy: One… Two… Three… Naked!
Overheard by: quietly laughing to herself
Man to another: In my neighborhood, once you walk past Avenue A, none of the men are wearing shirts.
–47th & 10th
Overheard by: MuffinPuffin
Man to landlord, in Polish: There is this naked woman and naked man constantly running around the basement at night. We just can’t let this guy keep doing this.
Overheard by: Izabela
Excited chick on cell: I just took my shirt off! In a room full of people talking their shirts off!
Overheard by: Ladle
Six-year-old boy to mom: I spy a hooker!
–Q train, near 7th Ave
Overheard by: Melanie
Suit on cell: For an extra 25 I’ll caress his nuts. For an extra 50 he can fuck me in the ass.
–DeKalb & Knickerbocker Ave
Overheard by: jim E.
Ghetto chick on cell: I ain’t never did it for free, but I guess I could… So I’ll just do you and him in the same day… All I’m sayin’, though — there better be food… That’s all I’m sayin’.
Overheard by: Kris
Scholar on cell: Every public bathroom in New York is a site of male prostitution.
–Hayden Residence Hall, Washington Square
Little girl: Mommy, I don’t wanna be a concubine!
Overheard by: caera
Man to cop friend: I mean, I knew she wasn’t a cop… but I didn’t think she was a hooker! Come on!
–Diamond District, 47th St, between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: machi
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don’t wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that! –AMC theatre, 34th & 8th Overheard by: K Smith Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He’s only barking because he isn’t used to seeing that kind of dog. –Central Park
Conductor: Barf between the cars, asshole!
Girl on phone: Well… We can cuddle, and then I’ll be like, ‘Get off!’ and then I’ll puke, okay?
–JJ’s Place, Columbia University
Overheard by: Rachel Lindsay
Girlfriend pushing drunken boyfriend through crowd, to bystander: Work with me here, baby — he’s throwing up all over you, and you’re still not moving.
–Rained-out Game Two, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Alison Steedman & Jeff Gilbert
Woman: There’s no better time to scream your boyfriend’s name than when you’re puking all over his bed.
–Party, 16th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: McFreaky
Little girl: 50 dollars. But if you vomit, it’s free!
–76th & Central Park West
Overheard by: Rachel
Lady with accent pointing at man hunched over seat: Oh, is he throw up?
Overheard by: fellow rider who also didn’t sit
Little boy to baby brother: Stop throwing up on me!
–3rd Ave & 16th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Conductor: We will soon arrive in Penn Station, the happiest place on Earth. Penn Station is next.
Overheard by: MineolaBoy
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Let’s go be happy in front of miserable people!
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: Ashley
Hot chick on cell to girlfriend: I am really happy that she is now dating Greg… I am over him… But I am cuter than her!
–X28 Express Bus to Bensonhurst, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PDG
Middle-aged woman: Listen, I don’t need no husband. You see how happy I am? It’s because I have two cats and a vegetable crisper. I don’t need no freakin’ husband!
–Hair salon, East Village
Overheard by: edensnake
Security guard frowning at metal detector: This is my happy face.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: rage gage
Rotund black woman, to no one in particular: I like a hood nigga,. I like a nigga to dick me in the butt while I’m smoking a blunt.
Loud Jamaican man yelling to friend: When I stick my penis up your butt, there ain’t no turnin’ back! You’re gonna have hemorrhoids!
–25th & 7th
Overheard by: Becka
Dude: … And then she wouldn’t even shake my hand. I mean, I’ve had my dick in your ass, and you won’t even shake my hand? What kind of shit is that?
Tween to friends: I told him, ‘If it don’t fit in my mouth, it won’t fit in my butt.’
–Bx9 bus, Kingsbridge Terrace
Overheard by: Krisztina
Angry student: He fucked me in the ass, okay? In the ass!