Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Overheard Goes to the Midnight Premiere

Stormtrooper: Man, I can’t even move in this thing. Star Wars geek #1: They said no dueling.
Star Wars girlfriend: No lightsaber duels?
Star Wars geek #2: No, the’re no lightsaber dueling in the theater.
Star Wars geek #1: But they’re dueling.
Star Wars girlfriend: Yeah, but he’s Yoda. Lady: Look, I’ve been saving this seat since Attack of the Clones. Dude: Cool lightsaber.
Dork: Thanks.
Dude: Where’d you get it? Geek.com?
Dork: No. Borders. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Nerd: At this point, my expectations are so low, as long as Darth Vader’s in it and a lot of people get killed, I’ll be happy. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Overheard by: Todd Seavey Fanboy: That was great. Now all we need is the technology from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind to erase the first two. –Ziegfeld theater, 54th Street Overheard by: Jaybill McCarthy

One-a-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Middle-aged lady: I wear makeup on Sundays. I like to look good on the Lord’s day.

–135th & Madison

Overheard by: Kate

Woman: Monday is the new Friday.

–11 Penn Plaza

Guy on cell: … So let’s just go ahead with the Tuesday night cripple hunt.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Conductor: This stop is Jay Street-Borough Hall. You can transfer here across the platform to the A and C trains, which you can take uptown to Columbus Circle and on up to 168th Street. Be sure to take your stuff with you when you go, and have a great Wednesday here in the middle of the week.

–F train

Overheard by: … or maybe she was stoned

40-something lady to another: … Then I told him, ‘Nevermind the bruises, I just had liposuction last Thursday.’

–Broadway, just below Houston

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I won’t be there if you’re going to be doing all that religious stuff… Aren’t you, like, castrating a duck or something? … Oh, okay, well I’ll be there on Friday, then.

–By the tram

She Blinded Wednesday-One-Liners with Science

Teen thug: You know, if you put’em on hot they dry faster. On hot the clothes dry faster.

–Kingsland Ave & Jackson Ave., Willamsburg

Overheard by: confabulation nation


Hipster on cell
: She thinks the entire world revolves around her. What is she, the sun?


–Union Square


Would-be physicist
: Did you ever hear of magnetic repulsion? Because I swear to god that door has an eastern pole or something.


–Walgreens Drugstore, Union Square

Overheard by: kbot


Guy
: So, you’ve dissected cats before?


–Lafayette & Centre St

Overheard by: Janelle


Loud chick
: So I was looking on the Internet to learn more about our planet and biodiversity and shit, and there’s like five more extinctions supposed to happen! You know, like the dinosaurs and shit!


–Ray’s Pizza, E Houston

Overheard by: just visiting!


Soccer mom
: He has had some really hard social studies stuff… Like why the seasons change and the how the earth moves around the sun.


–Warren Fields, Murray & West Side Highway

Overheard by: Soccer Nanny


Wednesday One-Liners Stay One Lesson Ahead

Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas.

–NYU Law

Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do.

–Columbia University

Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Ali

Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school.

–NYU Cantor

Overheard by: Jesse

SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe.

–SVA building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia.

–History class, Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Wednesday One-liners Ask the Tough Questions

White guy: You live in New Jersey and you don’t speak Spanish? –49th & 8th Overheard by: Knipc Guy on payphone: Eighty miles an hour, and he was still alive?…still alive? –W. 4th & Mercer Overheard by: Matthew Jewfro: …so why did you stick your cell phone in your anus? –Chambers & Greenwich Guy: I’d like some dick lever…I mean duck liver, please. Well, I guess dicks don’t really have levers do they? –Tuller Gourmet Food Market, Cobble Hill Overheard by: Isaac Gertman

The NYC Cast of Characters in: Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, all cars on this train are going to final destination: Parkchester. All cars will be making all stops. –6 train Newspaper vendor: Yo! Suits! Go get me that deal…or else! I mean right now, go get it done! –41st & 6th Overheard by: M. Hutchinson Tourist on cell: Of course I know where we are. We’re near Broadway Street. No, no, wait. Broadway Avenue. –57th & Broadway Overheard by: Karyn Regal Petitioner: Please help us save the filibuster! –West 66th & Broadway Overheard by: Todd Seavey Subway salesman: …and thank you for helping me keep a roof over my head. I mean three roofs: I live in the basement. –Q train Metro New York guy: Free paper! Get your free paper!…Man, I’m sick of this shit. –Union Square Metro New York guy: Shit, man, I’m tired of sayin’ this!…Okay, fine. Good mornin’. Good mornin’. Shit. –Park Place station

The Magic of Wednesday One-liners

Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo. –Bowling Green station Overheard by: K2 Combo Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape. –Bryant Park station Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though. –Central Park Overheard by: Emily Y.

Wednesday Conga Liners

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Alicia

Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Original Badass

Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!

–A Train

Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.

–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball

Overheard by: pandarants

Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.

–2nd St & Ave B

Wednesday-One-Liners Cope with At-Will Employment

Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too


Guy on cell
: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.


–33rd & 6th


Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street
: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!


–54th & 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Jasmine


Bimbette
: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.


–72nd & Broadway


Suit on cell
: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?


–Wanamaker & 4th Ave


Young woman on cell
: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’


–Prospect Park

Overheard by: The Ficus


Customer
: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.


–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th

Overheard by: Devon


Mama Mia, Those Are Some Spicy Wednesday One-Liners!

Ghetto guy on cell: I been wantin’ to go to Chuck E. Cheese for mad long.

–E 8th St

Midwestern girl: I just paid a hundred and thirty bucks for a meal I could have had for twenty dollars at home. [Points at Midwestern guy #1] Fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #2] fuck you, [points at Midwestern guy #1 again] and especially fuck you. If I wasn’t going home with a purse full of mints and toothpicks right now, I’d punch you both in the balls.

–Outside Bobby Flay’s, 46th & 2nd

Bus driver: You know, you guys, you can step up onto the back platform. You don’t need a reservation. It’s not Applebee’s.

–M60 bus to LaGuardia

Overheard by: Kevoo

Girl on cell: Why?! Why would anyone ever get something catered by Outback Steakhouse!

–W 3rd St & LaGuardia

Chick on cell: Can you eat at Dallas BBQ in a rubber shirt?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy