Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Leave a Note

Clerk: … So she pulls the suicide card. On the second date! –30th St Overheard by: Schroeder Sociology professor: Just think of your life as a thousand chances a day to commit suicide. –NYU Pessimistic teen: Jelly beans make me want to kill myself. –Tasti D-Lite, Bleecker & MacDougall Overheard by: Louis Chick: I would never commit suicide! I would do something instead. You know, like cut sugar cane… –NYU Overheard by: Nosy

Wednesday One-Liners Ask: Hot Enough For Ya?

Logistical genius: If the power goes out and we lose the air conditioning, we can always use the fans. –SoHo Dude on cell: Am I keeping it real? I’m wearing a Goddamn blazer, and it’s 100 degrees out. Of course I’m keeping it real! –Hudson & Leroy Conductor: Now, I know it’s real hot out there, so this is what I do when I’m walking down the streets of New York and trying to keep cool. I just sing this little song to myself: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know”…All right, you all, this is 68th Street. Keep cool out there. –A train Overheard by: Chloe Woman to her son: It’s too hot for stupidness. –59th St Proselytizer: You think this is hot? Hell is hot! –Uptown N train Overheard by: Cpt. Kate Guy on cell: How you been doing in this heatwave?…That’s hot…Well, now I’m getting all hot, thinking of my hot, sweaty cousin. –Union Square Overheard by: Nozomi Dedicated employee: Frankly, the only reason I’m going in to work today is because they have better air conditioning than I do. –Manhattan bound R train Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Logs of Wednesday One-liners

Guy: You know, we really should do something with all that driftwood we brought back from Canada. –West Elm furniture, DUMBO Overheard by: Ashley The husband scoops dog shit in a clear plastic bag, swings it around and calls out to his wife: Hey, Marla! Ya hungry? Hot fudge, fresh from the oven! –Prince St. between Thompson & West Broadway

It’s Funny ’til Somebody Breaks Their Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on slippery sidewalk: Man, I can’t wait! I can’t wait to see somebody bust their ass, yo. –86th & Broadway Conductor: To the passenger in the first car transporting a ladder, please make sure you have control of your ladder, and please don’t knock anybody in the noggin. To all other passengers riding in the first car, please be prepared to duck. –6 train Guy on cell: I sliced my thumb with a box cutter, but they told me the only guy who could get workman’s comp for that injury is Roger Ebert. –4 train Blonde teen: So, like, what does someone do if they break their leg or something on Christmas? Because the hospital’s closed on Christmas… –8th & Broadway Blonde, tapping shoulder of kid on crutches crossing street: Tag, you’re it! –Astor Pl Overheard by: Kyle

Wednesday One-Liners Are Rumored to Be Involved with Jennifer Aniston

Woman: I’m a real Star Trek fan. I particularly like this one guy, a Shakespearean actor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze? –B train Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Abram Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the only time I ever wanted to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob. –Penn Station Overheard by: Rainey Blonde on cell, walking dog, and wearing faux fur sweater: Yeah, Animal Fair… Like Vanity Fair, but with animals… It’s coming out soon… It’s going to be intimate — Sharon Stone and Emelio Estevez are going to be there! –55th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: francesca Passerby: Martin Short? Is he still in that? –Across street from Martin Short&#58 Fame Becomes Me Overheard by: Jeff of [tos] Chick drops cocktail glass, breaking it. Queer: If you didn’t look like Winona Ryder, I’d smack you. –Ceilo nightclub

Wednesday One-liners Use Safety Scissors

Girl: If she were dead, she would have called, right? –83rd & York Overheard by: Will Suit: Well see, I’ve always either been single or in a relationship. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: McGins Guy on cell: Yeah, what he said made us sound stupid. But it made me sound even stupider! –Broadway & Bleecker Overheard by: jillypickle Girl on cell: Hello? No, you have the wrong number…Hello? No, I told you you had the wrong number. What are you, illiterate? –M train Overheard by: Jane Guy: Yo, I never knew Dean Koontz wrote books in Spanish. He’s mad smart! And Bill Clinton, too! –Barnes & Noble libros en espanol section, Union Square McChick: Would you like that “with cheese”, or without “with cheese”? –McDonald’s, 44th and Lex Man: Oh shit, it’s raining outside too? –Office, 40th & 3rd Overheard by: Colin F.

Decent, Churchgoing Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Look, motherfucker — I’ll wear what I want to church on Sunday. –Restaurant, 46th St Black woman: Yeah, chips and soda for a dollar! That’s one church I won’t go back to. –F train Overheard by: Kevin Z Guy on cell: I don’t need to fucking hear that at home! That’s what I’ve got church for! –Broome & Allen Mother to small daughter outside St. Patrick’s: Stop crying — I know it looks more like a haunted house than a church. –St. Patrick’s Cathedral, 5th Ave Black dude: Nigga, nuns ain’t real. –Union Square Overheard by: Gabriel

Wednesday One-liners Wanna Get High

Goth boy: Either I just saw Gollum eating sushi off of Rose Cotton’s naked body, or I am coked up to the gills! –E train Overheard by: Biff Largemeats Chick: Ya know, I gotta say, you really do need to take drugs to be interesting. ‘Cuase without ’em, you’re really boring. –Rue B, Avenue B Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci Guy: I can’t do acid but I can do shrooms. Especially shroom tea. –Houston & Essex Overheard by: Joel Artsy girl: It’s made me so much more creative, and that’s, like, so much more important for my art than anything else. And the buzz is great, too. –14th & 5th Guy: Oh I always have a Metrocard on me…they’re great for cutting up coke. –Astor Place station Chick: It’s not like there’s a moral high ground when it comes to methadone. –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Sara Beane Girl on cell: I know, that’s the worst! You have to try that towel-on-the-floor thing, and that never works. –18th & 5th Overheard by: jaykayess

Wednesday One-Liners from Joe’s Apartment

Man: Would you rather have a hat made of spiders or penises for fingers? –93rd & 2nd Overheard by: Steve Woman on cell: She told me she felt like a pecan pie covered in roaches. Isn’t that weird? So I told her, ‘Honey, it’s time to call the exterminator.’ –Smith & Warren St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Hobo: You’re nothing but a flea on a tick’s ass! –18th & Park Hippie: So, I’m standing there naked and this roach is sizing up my junk… –Shuttle Overheard by: Capitalist Pig Chick on cell: … Well, if you didn’t throw spiders at him… –15th & 7th Cube dweller: I think spiders would like my head — so much empty space to crawl around in. –Butterick Building, NYU School of Law Overheard by: missing in action