Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Still More Insightful than Ann Coulter

Teenage girl #1: Yo I heard they have, like, a…circle, and they think it’s art.
Teenage girl #2: Shit’s retarded. –in front of MoMA, W. 53rd Street Overheard by: David Last Fat guy: Yeah, this O’Connor thing is really big. Most people don’t know this, but the Supreme Court has the final say over all laws that are passed. I think they approve it before even the President does. Like I said, it’s big. –Florent, Gansevoort Street Overheard by: Hampton Catlin

Unidentified, Flying Wednesday One-Liners

Wheelbo: All them stories they tell kids about the stork coming? Naw, man! Babies come here on a big spaceship! There’s a baby factory somewhere in the middle of Nevada!

–Subway platform, 53rd & 5th

Tourist: I saw a black man in a black suit, and I was looking for aliens because it was like Men in Black. It was scary. Black in black…

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station

College girl: I got so worked up I almost threw up in the back seat… ‘Cause I thought there were aliens…

–66th & 3rd

Overheard by: Skyler Fox

Drunk guy: You think you’re an alien? You’re a human being, you fuck!

–Mercer St, between 8th & Waverly Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Need Extra Support

Woman on cell: He already started calling me ‘boobie’ so we did it last night.

–33rd St station

Queer: I’m so sick of her and her breasts!

–W 4th St subway

Overheard by: Jessie

Teen boy, walking into woman and child: Oh, sorry, my fault… [To his girlfriend:] See what yo’ titties got me into!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Drunk bimbette: I’m so glad I have tits. I don’t know what I would do if I were a man. I call it the power of the oyster.

–Croton-Harmon line to Manhattan

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk woman: I got ketchup on my boob and I didn’t even eat anything!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Ryan

Drunk fratboy: Show your boobies if you love the Mets! Nudity for the Mets! Nudity for the Mets!

–Manhattan bound 7 train

Overheard by: lets go mets

Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Wednesday One-Liners, They Want to Be Dirty

Hipster girl: …so then he was like, “Hi, remember me? I jumped you on the bridge three years ago!”

–Union Square

Overheard by: Gamoid Girl: There are so many hands on me right now.

–1 train, Lincoln Center Girl on cell: So, I fell asleep on the bus the other day, and when I woke up, the guy next to me had his hand between my legs.

–BX 12 bus Guy in wifebeater: Nah…Nah…That ain’t rape. That definitely ain’t rape.

–W. Broadway & Spring Teen girl: What did I do this summer? I got fingered on a train, that’s what. Fucking bitches.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Vicksburg Dude on cell: I mean, I put her in some funny positions, but you must know her better by now…Hello?

–4th St & 6th Ave Hipster girl to hipster guy: I’m really glad I ran into you! Maybe we could hump on this train too? –Q train, Canal St Overheard by: mike C.

Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Gettin’ Any

Man learning about horseshoes, to his wife: You hear that, honey? Mating season is over for them. Does that sound familiar?

–New York Aquarium, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tracy Fish


Early 20′s chick to Hasid trying to lure her into his van
: I wouldn’t even sleep with you for WORLD PEACE!


–1st & Bedford, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alison


Woman to friend
: Conjugal visits, my ass! That man doesn’t give a shit about sex. In the two years we were together, we had sex six times! Six times!


–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Aaron A


Meathead on cell
: We never get laid. We might as well be ninjas.


–Canal & Broadway


Professor
: I don’t understand these Taliban guys. 27 virgins! 27 virgins! Who wants to spend eternity with a bunch of beginners?


–Classroom, FIT


Guy
: So what you sayin’? I can’t have sex with you anymore?


–10th & University

Overheard by: Priska Neely


A Gluttonous Gaggle of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster: I found a bag of potatoes the other night, and we were throwing them at razor wire.

–Filene’s Basement

Chick: Everybody needs a pickle. He’s like my pickle.

–31st & 36th, Astoria

Overheard by: Jill

Old baker guy to young baker guy: See — the ones that are burned on the bottom — you know they’re done, so you take them out. If they’re not burned, they aren’t done yet, so you move them to the front of the oven.

–Fairway, 74th & Broadway

Old woman to friend: So then I told her, ‘Fuck you and your lamb curry!’

–3rd & MacDougal

Lady to hubby: Is this sushi not cooked?

–JetBlue terminal, JFK

Lady: He was really upset about tonight. He was all ‘Yogurt! Yogurt night is ruined!’ Shook his fists and everything.

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: KCast

Wednesday One-Liners Are Moving to Florida Soon

Teen girl on cell: So, this weekend I have to go to Louisiana. Can you believe it? My grandmother’s dying. Yeah, again — she’s dying again. My grandmother is always dying. I can’t believe I have to go to Louisiana.

–Union Square

Father to four-year-old daughter facing American Indian in bear costume: Looks like Grandma, doesn’t it?

–Museum of Natural History

Girl on cell with boyfriend: So, what? I can’t talk down to your grandmother in front of you? What’s fucking wrong with that?!

–Jamaica Ave & Parsons Blvd

Overheard by: Rod-Rod

Latina on cell: What am I supposed to tell her? ‘Oh, my grandma’s dying and my cat’s eating her toes, and… um… I lost the papers’? I can’t do that… [After pause, she switches to rapid Spanish.]

–30th & 6th

Overheard by: avenueF

Creepster: I would totally marry my grandmother.

–Sly Fox, 9th & 2nd

Overheard by: Will

Wednesday One-Liners Express Themselves

Woman running down the stairs: Hold the doors! Oh, God, please hold the doors! Please! [Doors close, train pulls away.] Why? Whyyy?!

–A train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Hobo to man running for the train: You better run faster! That’s the last train in the world!

–W 4th Street A/C/E platform

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Student: Yo mama is so dumb that when she needs to take the 4 train, she takes the 2 train twice!

–Brooklyn Tech High School

Overheard by: Gazoo

Tourist to friends: Ok, so, we’re headed downtown right now, and in a couple stops we’ll transfer to the express.

–A train express, between 34th & 42nd

Tourist woman: Why is it called an express train? All it does is skip stops.

–4 train at Fulton St

Chick to guy: Don’t tell me that bull! Don’t pull that on the A train!

–Manhattan-bound A train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: chudoc324

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their License

Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.

–JFK

Overheard by: DFlan

Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?

–27th & 7th

Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Micaela

Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’

–Court & Schermerhorn St

JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!

–NYU

This Crazy Little Thing Called Wednesday One-Liners

Lesbian hipster to girlfriend, smiling: I love that you get on my nerves now!

–St. Mark’s & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Dan

Hoochie on cell: Look, I love you — you’re my best friend — but if I don’t hang up this phone, I’m going to tell you what I really think, and you’ll be pissed.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: EthanK

WASP yuppie on cell: We were really proud of ourselves… And then we stayed in a loving place all day.

–N train platform, Astoria

Drunk guy: The thing I hate about Tom Cruise is how much I love Tom Cruise! [Contemplative pause, then] It really fucks me up, man.

–34th & 30th