Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Still Too Much Wednesday One-liners Information

Woman on cell: He wants a confetti cannon? A goddamned confetti cannon? No, I’m not…He is not getting a confetti cannon at the pier! I…Well, I like battery-operated dildos, but that doesn’t mean I’m getting one that shoots confetti all over the goddamned pier! –William & Pine Girl: So I told her, “I don’t think I’ve ever spooned with my mother before. No funny business.” –Penn Station Overheard by: ladolce Man: Make sure you lick it a lot, then just stick it in. I’m telling you, I know. I’ve had my finger up many straight guys’ asses. Remember? I was in a fraternity. –Prince Street rooftop Overheard by: LJ Chick on cell: I told that bastard I’d burn in hell before I fucked his ugly ass…in a nice way. –Fluffy’s Cafe, 7th Avenue Overheard by: Tabitha Graves Girl: The only part I liked is when they were fucking in the back. –7th Avenue & 13th Street Girl: …so I Googled the rash to find more information about it. His friend told me he got it from bumping and grinding, but I just wanted to make sure I was safe. –2nd Avenue & 4th Street Overheard by: Cathleen Stumps

Wednesday One-liners Read in Union Square

Stoner: We’re on the verge of a spiritual revolution. It’s like Fight Club…but without the violence. –Union Square Overheard by: braun bowery Guy: The fact that bar was full of ugly girls is just ridiculous. –Union Square Crazy lady: Fine, stay where you are, Linda! Stay on the streets, stay in the gutter…but put all your stuff away! –Union Square Overheard by: Jen Woman: If I die of malaria, you can have my DVD player. –Union Square Lady on cell: …so what’s the difference between the East Village and the West Village? –Union Square Overheard by: feitclub Guy on cell: I didn’t throw the lamp at you because I was out of control, I threw the lamp at you because you said I was out of control. –Union Square Overheard by: John Guy: Dude! At least you’re getting head. Bad head is better than no head, any day of the week! –Union Square Overheard by: Joy Smoker

How Was Your First Day of School, New York?

Guy: What were you doing studying on the first fucking day of school? You didn’t even have your books yet. What the fuck were you studying? Studying nothing. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ken Yapelli Dad: Two more pairs? What do you have now, like, 19 pairs?
Daughter: But these are different.
Dad: Fine, but this must be all you need then, right? We won’t have to do anymore shopping for the whole school year, right?
Daughter: Well, I’m not sure about that. I may need some later.
Dad: Why? You only have one butt! –Marshall’s, Atlantic Avenue Mall Overheard by: Jake Abraham

Wednesday One-liners Are the New Lavender

Crazy guy: Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Homosexuality! Heh heh heh. –53rd Street station Guy on cell: No, I’m waiting for the ferry…No, not him; the boat that goes into the city. –Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island Overheard by: Chris Cotterman Girl: She said she wasn’t attracted to me! I mean, I’m straight as a goat, but…am I ugly? –R train Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian Middle-aged guy: You know, somebody needs to tell gay men that they’re not 17 year old girls. –David Barton Gym, 23rd Street Queer: For God’s sake, be creative. We’re gay! –West Elm, 18th Street Woman on cell: It’s really gay outside right now. –Bowery & 4th Dude: I thought I saw Matt Damon; then I realized it was just a gay guy. –Barrow Street Crazy guy: And what do gay people do with the money they save on child support? The parade! They pay for the parade. –53rd Street station

Wednesday One-Liners Have a View to a Kill

God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio. –R train Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image. –Central Park Overheard by: Laura Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone. –GWB Terminal, 175th St Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.” –10th St & 1st Ave B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing. –Knitting Factory, Leonard St Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea? –Hunter College Overheard by: acep & arielle Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5. –Central Park Overheard by: MC

Wednesday One-Liners Need Extra Support

Woman on cell: He already started calling me ‘boobie’ so we did it last night.

–33rd St station

Queer: I’m so sick of her and her breasts!

–W 4th St subway

Overheard by: Jessie

Teen boy, walking into woman and child: Oh, sorry, my fault… [To his girlfriend:] See what yo’ titties got me into!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Drunk bimbette: I’m so glad I have tits. I don’t know what I would do if I were a man. I call it the power of the oyster.

–Croton-Harmon line to Manhattan

Overheard by: Evan

Drunk woman: I got ketchup on my boob and I didn’t even eat anything!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Ryan

Drunk fratboy: Show your boobies if you love the Mets! Nudity for the Mets! Nudity for the Mets!

–Manhattan bound 7 train

Overheard by: lets go mets

Your Weekly Re-Up of Wednesday One-Liners

Bike messenger screaming to another: That’s why I love you. Because you support my drug habit!

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Five-year-old with mother: I’m gonna get get get you hiiiigghh!

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: evanescent

Mom to three-year-old daughter: Sit up! Sit up! Are you on crack?

–2 train, the Bronx

Overheard by: MK

Professor: I remember this one acid trip…

–NYU, Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Stoner dude: I get high to get high. I don’t expect much, but it passes time and it kills hangovers.

–17th & 8th

Overheard by: Lara

Thugette on pimped-out cell: Honey, I told yo’ ass before, I’ll tell you again: once a nigga puts rims on his Fed-Ex truck, you know he’s a drug dealer

–36th Ave station, Astoria

Overheard by: Akojam Milas

Wednesday One-Liners, a Worldwide Pants Production

Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I Love You Alex

Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!

–W 12th St

Overheard by: Paige

Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meaghan

High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!

–S48 bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?

Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!

–E 12th & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Mistres Silver

Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’

–Cheapshots

Overheard by: B

Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!

–32nd & Broadway

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday-One-Liners

Thug: Why da hell should we tip her? We didn’t get nuthin fo’ free!

–Bubba Gumps

Overheard by: Gregorio

Man, reading newspaper: It’s the best kind of abuse! Free abuse!

–D train, 47th St

Overheard by: can i have some free abuse?

Girl: People are eating corn like it’s free out here!

–Union Square Farmer’s Market

Overheard by: Thompson

AM New York hawker on rainy day: Free paper! C’mon, free paper! Put it over your head!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ben

Newspaper guy: Get your free Daily News. Find out why Whitney’s back on crack. Free Daily News!

–59th St subway

Overheard by: MRP

Man: It was a gigantic free cupcake. I think that if I didn’t take it, then thirty years from now, I’d feel stupid.

–Office, Broadway & 55th St

Overheard by: Paul

Guy: I need a deserted island. A free one!

–6th Ave & Waverly Place

Overheard by: Jim G