Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?

–Starbucks, Sheridan Square

Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…

–Downtown 6 Train

Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!

–49th St, Astoria

Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!

–116th St

McWednesday One-Liners

MTA conductor: This train is going to run express. The next and last stop is McDonald's… I mean Astoria-Ditmars Boulevard.

–W Train

British teenager: They didn't even spell it right, it's "Mac Donald's," not "mc"!

–McDonald's, Bowery & Bayard

Student to class: I ate a McGriddle last week, and it was like eating a baby angel.

–Classroom, NYU

Frantic foreign lady: Is this the train that goes to McDonald's?

–F Subway

Overheard by: laura

Wednesday One-Liners Find Nemo

Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Overheard by: gossipgirlish

Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?

–Central Park East

Overheard by: walter

Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.

–D Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Sugar N' Spice and Everything Wednesday One-Liner

Fat girl to herself: Walk by the cakes, walk by the cakes.

–Grand Central

Sales guy: We've got your whale, now you want to get a cupcake?

–FAO Schwartz

College girl to friend: Yay! Someone is guarding the queer cupcakes!

–Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Little girl: I want ice cream! (mother keeps walking) You're fired!

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday One-Liners for Pauly D.

Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.

–South Street Seaport

Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Ferch

Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"

–51st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…

–59th & 10th

Overheard by: shawn

Wednesday One-Liners Involve a Lot Of Concentration

Film Nazi: The Holocaust did give us some good movies.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Tom and Katie

Suit on cell : And they were playing loud Nazi music.

–Lincoln Center

Hip dude on cell, very casually: Sieg heil, my friend, sieg heil.

–Queens.

Girl: If it's about the Holocaust, it's going to get me hard… Not where I was going with that.

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: seeareuh

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: We will soon arrive in Penn Station, the happiest place on Earth. Penn Station is next.

–LIRR

Overheard by: MineolaBoy

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Let’s go be happy in front of miserable people!

–49th & 8th

Overheard by: Ashley

Hot chick on cell to girlfriend: I am really happy that she is now dating Greg… I am over him… But I am cuter than her!

–X28 Express Bus to Bensonhurst, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PDG

Middle-aged woman: Listen, I don’t need no husband. You see how happy I am? It’s because I have two cats and a vegetable crisper. I don’t need no freakin’ husband!

–Hair salon, East Village

Overheard by: edensnake

Security guard frowning at metal detector: This is my happy face.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: rage gage

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but the Macarena

Hipster girl: I didn’t do too much… I had a dance-off with a shark…

–East Village

Overheard by: hoping she won

Conductor: No train Hokey Pokey! Either you’re in or you’re out!

–7 train, Grand Central

Overheard by: 7 train day tornado hit brooklyn

40-ish blonde on cell: So, he thought it was going to be more than a dinner date. That prick wanted to bang me after dinner. I just wanted a dance partner I could throw away at the end of the night.

–39th & 3rd

Overheard by: Mark

Street performer, to crowd: Get closer — we don’t have weapons… Don’t be scared, it’s just black guys dancing!

–New York Public Library

Guy to female passersby, about Chuck Taylors: My grandmother had a pair of those shoes. She used to breakdance with a wooden leg.

–Paul Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Lillian

Slow: Wednesday One-Liner-Xing

Mom to seven-year-old crossing street: Be careful, dear. You don’t want to get run over or we can’t have sushi.

–78th & Amsterdam

Cute girl halting before crossing into oncoming traffic: Okay, perhaps we should not die today.

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Traffic

Father to son running towards intersection: Remember! A foot in the street means a foot in your ass!

–57th & 4th, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Chick zig-zagging across street: I just cannot get down with manholes! Scary, scary manholes. I try to avoid them at all costs.

–83rd & Broadway

Bored cop on megaphone: Please walk on the sidewalk. Stop walking in the middle of the street… Stop walking in the middle of the street. Use the sidewalks… See how you’re on the black pavement? You want to be on concrete. See the cars trying to run you over? That’s ‘vehicular traffic.’ Get out of its way.

–Next to Radio City Music Hall

Boyfriend following jaywalking girlfriend: That’s illegal. [She ignores him.] That’s illegal!

–6th & 4th, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Reach Out and Touch Someone

Hot chick: My phone has finally learned to spell ‘cock’ and ‘anal’! I’m so proud!

–King’s Head Tavern, 14th St

Overheard by: Argopelter

Girl on cell: Listen, you in Rikers — you lucky you ain’t get three years! … And you stayin’ there, ’cause I ain’t bailin’ you out… Oh, whatever — if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be usin’ my daytime minutes.

–W train, Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Juan Moment

Chick on cell: I am your phone sex Yoda! Come, my young padawan! Come!

–Steinway & Ditmars

Overheard by: using the force

Cross-eyed JAP on cell: No, seriously, it’s not my phone. I think there’s something wrong with my chin.

–Times Square

Overheard by: NathAnonymous