Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners with Two Percent Body Fat

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

Wednesday One-Liners Void Where Prohibited

Disgruntled suit on cell: I know how to pee! — Venti decaf frappucino — I’ve been doing it since I was born!

–Starbucks, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: Mistress Silver

Girl to friend: … And then he just started peeing in front of all of us. Everyone else ran away except for me!

–St. Mark’s & 2nd

Overheard by: that’s the whole point of galoshes, right?

Whiny guy: I don’t mind getting into a pissing contest so long as I’ve got my stick!

–Boulevard Tavern, Greepoint

Chick meeting friends: Guys, don’t tell Jim this, but I just peed in between two subway cars on a moving train on the way here.

–Regal cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amazed that this is physically possible

Guy to buddy: I probably got the cleanest fucking urine in that whole building!

–Rector St & Trinity Pl

Overheard by: Benjie

Screaming man on cell: How many times do I have to tell you?! Do not piss on the street! Do not shit on the street! Do you hear me?!

–7th Ave, between 28th & 29th

Wednesday One-Liners after Labor Day? Shocking!

Rich lady: I bought this outfit for myself to make up for my miserable youth.

–Union Square West

Overheard by: Zac

Yuppie to toddler sitting on friend’s lap: … And the benefit of wearing Nike clothing is that it’s made by children not much older than you.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Ardbeg78

Trendy chick: I can’t go to places like Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters ’cause they study and watch me on camera, ripping off my style.

–Bar, 14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Karl Karlson

Girl: Trench coats are never a good sign.

–M14D bus, 1st Ave

Overheard by: melanie

Loud queer to friend: Ummm, do you know where I can get some Lycra spandex leopard-print leggings?

–The Village

Overheard by: S

Spicy Szechwan Wednesday-One-Liners

Man: If you wanna have lunch, you’ve got to have lunch here, whether it’s Chinese or Subway.

–Canal St

Overheard by: Aahlixx


Little boy
: Does all Chinese food come from Chinatown?


–Williamsburg


Woman
: It’s like listening to an Arab speaking Spanish talking about the Chinese.


–W Train

Overheard by: Bluto


Tourist
: The Chinese are notorious for blurring the line between pet and soup.


–Chinatown


Queen picking up delivery
: Damn, I hate dealing with these Chinese people, they never be understanding English good!


–Fordham dorms, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: I don’t understand you either


Ghetto guy
: Sushi is real Chinese food.


–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: John Wu


Hipster Chinese girl on cell
: Americans have too much freedom. Yes, too much freedom.


–52nd & Madison


A Tree Grows in Wednesday One-Liners

Father to daughter: Girl, whatchu doing? You tryin’a go to cross the bridge? You tryin’a go to Brooklyn? You want some cheesecake? Some crack? –Centre St & Park Row Overheard by: Barry P. NYU social planner: I wanted to get all the freshmen out of the city for a little so I took them to Brooklyn. –Main Building, NYU Girl on cell: I’m not going to Brooklyn sober! –12th & Broadway Woman on cell: So are you in town this weekend or in Brooklyn? –39th & 8th Overheard by: The Lovely Miss Katie Chick: Do you know the rules for being in Brooklyn? –Law office, 54th & 5th Overheard by: The legal intern Bill Batson: It’s like the Native Americans all over again. Brooklynites, we’re indigenous. And now Manhattan wants Manifest Destiny. –Vanderbilt & Dekalb, Fort Greene, Brooklyn Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer Little boy: I’m not going to Brooklyn! It’s stupid! –110th & Broadway

Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

Wednesday One-liners

Trendy girl: I mean, I like her as a person, I just don’t like what she does with my hair. –Max, Ave. B Guy on cell: Listen man, he’s Trump. We can put his name on anything and they’ll buy it. Put his fucking face on a fucking bottle of water and they’ll fucking buy it! –28th St. and Park Avenue Overheard by: G Varod Woman on cell: There’s only one word for this party. And it is “epic.” –CPW and 110th St.

The United States of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed. –53rd & Madison Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA. –86th & CPW Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America! –23 Street C station Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew! –Columbia University Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan. –Stuyvesant Park Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads. –Office, 50th & 6th Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas! –54th & 6th Overheard by: Eface Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please. –50th Street 1 station Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi. –Union Square Overheard by: misha Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm. –52nd & Lexington Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion. –Shea Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Have I None, but This Man’s Father Is My Father’s Son

40-ish Jewish guy to another: Oh, guess what? My paternity test from the Bahamas came back negative, so that was good news.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1

Guy to girl: Oh, don’t! No! Don’t even think about pulling the ‘My dad committed suicide’ card! Not here, not now. It’s not fair!

–NYU

Hawker: Good morning! AM New York! Good morning! You are the father!

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bronx Thomas O’Connor

Little girl: Look! Horse poop! Horse poop! My daddy’s allergic to horse poop!

–Central Park

JAP: When he told me what his father did for a living I felt a little pang in the snobby part of my heart.

–86th & Amsterdam

Wednesday One-Liners Think Globally, Act Locally

Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!

–New York Public Library Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.

–IKEA, Elizabeth

Overheard by: Rich Mintz JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!

–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.

–47th & 9th

Overheard by: Jack Lienke Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck? –Starbucks, Grand Central Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?