Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

A Matter of Life and Wednesday One-Liners

Asian chick: I guess upstate is just one big… thing. And the people up there are, like, robots. They have so many rules… And what are they for? I mean, they’re to kill people… And I am anti-violence.

–NYU bus

Overheard by: Moose

Crazy lady to frustrated friends: All she needs to do is fucking die, okay?

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jesse

NYU student: Last time I did the Ouija board it told me I was going to die… Then it turned out to be right.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: only cats have nine lives

Conductor: The consequence of using a cell phone in the quiet car is… the death penalty.

–Amtrak to Boston

Five-year-old boy: But Dad, it was a dead gypsy!

–Washington & Rector

Middle-aged woman to younger woman, matter-of-fact: … And it’s not like you meant to kill her. You were just fooling around.

–E 12th St, between 5th Ave & University Pl

Overheard by: Liz A

Wednesday One-Liners Are Not Kosher

Lady yuppie: I’m going to be in Williamsburg in half an hour. There’s a pig I need to buy. Wanna get a drink?

–12th St & 7th Ave

Fancy lady on cell: Hey, Andrea, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing… And if you got a new pig… Call me back!

–4th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: queemy’s mommy

Drunk guy: I basically had pigs eating shit out of my ass!

–4th St & 1st Ave

Wednesday One-liners Drop Names

Chick: Amerigo Vespucci was a cartographer, you whore! –14th & B Overheard by: Djlindee Man on cell: She has a Waldorfian obsession with keeping children warm. I mean, kids are raised in Norway and Iceland all the time and have nice rosy cheeks. –Washington Mutual kiosk, Canal Street Black kid: …yeah, I like Black Rob, but he be using big words…like society. –1 train Chick: Everyone thinks Mary’s such a goody-goody…but she won second place in the deep throat contest. –Washington & Gansevoort

Wednesday One-Liners Gone Wild

College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera. –Ave A Overheard by: damnitanyway Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted. –9th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Corbin 18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people. –Food Emporium, 50th & 8th Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists. –89th & Broadway Overheard by: ejuliast Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ‘em both. –14th St Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger! –41st & Lex Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!” –Petite Abeille, Tribeca

Let’s Get It On, Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise. –Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this! –Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Sophia

Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Shit but Hos and Tricks

Queer: If a song starts with, ‘It’s Britney, bitch!’ you kind of expect it to be good!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Um, You do?

Girl: Why you call me a bitch? I’m Nigerian!

–NYU bus

Overheard by: sjhaughty

Thug on cell: You a bitch! You afraid to shower!

–42nd St

Overheard by: Brian Libido

Three-year-old WASP, entering room: Welcome to this bitch!

–Supercuts, St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Leo

Kid running ahead of exhausted mom: Run, bitch! Run!

–Prince St & W Broadway

Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Hot?

Balding 40-something: I’m a coed! Don’t laugh — I am a hot coed!

–Columbia University

Drunken cheerleader to fat friend: We’re the hottest non-lesbian girl couple ever.

–68th & Lex

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s too damn hot to be messin’ with the females today.

–Union St & 4th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Teen program chick: … And even if it’s really, really hot outside, you are not supposed to sleep with a fan directly on you.

–Columbia University

The Gates Changed New York Forever

Elderly woman: Excuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re trying to get to the highest point in the park to see The Gates. A NYer points out the way. After she leaves, he says: I’m pretty sure I gave her the wrong directions, but I think she’s high enough. –The Ramble Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus Guy: Man, this will really put New York back on the map. –The Gates Suit: Excuse me, I wanted to ask you about your [big orange] wig. Are you advocating your support for The Gates or are you commenting on how crazy and trivial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig? –The Gates Overheard by: Greg Rutter Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Mother: No, Michael. That was laundry. –Central Park Overheard by: Darko Vraither Old woman #1: Isn’t it lovely?
Old woman #2: Well, I wouldn’t call it art, but I’m certainly glad New York has something to amuse it during the month of February. –MoMA roof Overheard by: Michael Bracy

Wednesday One-Liners Have Rum in Their Sippy Cups

Excited 50-ish dad to toddler: Come over here, Jameson! Hey, Jameson, we’re going to go get some beer! C’mon!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Late-20s chick to 10-year-old girl: You really shouldn’t be drinking…

–74th & Broadway

Eight-year-old boy to older brother: This lemonade smells like alcohol. It has an alcoholic after-taste. Yum!

–TGI Fridays, 54th & Lex

Man to wife: There is nothing funnier than a drunken two-year-old.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Lee Harvey

Mortal Wednesday One-Liners

Loud old lady: I pray for death every day, because if you pray for death, you will never die.

–Metro-North train

Guy giving directions to friend: I think it’s near the corner where we saw that lady get killed.

–W 32nd St, near 6th Ave

Overheard by: Personally, I would avoid that corner.

Man on cell: No, you have to hide the body.

–33rd & Madison

Overheard by: alex

Man on cell: I don’t know! He just called me up and said that I owe him 50 grand and that he’s coming to kill me… Yeah, I told him I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he said he’s coming to kill me anyway.

–77th & Broadway

Man, about his time in halfway house: Murderers are just the nicest people, you know? I mean, they really understand human suffering.

–F train

Shabby guy on cell: Why should I be the only man that never died from a piece of ass?

–55th & Madison