Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners Vary’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Carrying Low

Guy: I had to yell at her and tell her that she couldn’t be pregnant — I mean, dude, that was last week.

–St. Marks & 3rd Ave

Preggers to male friend: And that asshole came up and body-slammed me on the train platform! Of course, everyone was looking at me like I’m the animal. How can you body-slam a woman who’s seven months pregnant and not feel bad?

–D train

Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan

Preggers to lady pushing to get to cupcake table: Lady, I am four months pregnant. Getting between me and those cupcakes is a really, really good way to lose an arm.

–Magnolia Bakery

Snotty actress: Oh my gosh, she is such a good writer for my acting type. Her script is so like, like — pregnant with promise.

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Emilia

Girl on phone: No, I can’t have sex with you. Because then if I got pregnant I’d have to be like, ‘Whose baby is it? Well, let’s see — is it black, white, brown…?’

–Grand Central Station

British mother to young son: Do you know what I had to eat when I was pregnant with you, Bill? Buns! Buns! Buns! Buns! That’s why you’re mad about buns. [To daughter] And that’s why you like brown things.

–Varick & King St

Young woman to friends: And she keeps getting pregnant, and I’m like, ‘Stop it, woman!’

–Columbia campus

Overheard by: Cheney

Smooth As a Wednesday One-Liner’s Bottom

Girl: So, I saw this woman using her baby as a weapon, and I was like, ‘I don’t think you should be using your baby like a weapon.’

–LIRR

Overheard by: Gaby

Woman on cell with her man: Daaamn! Your baby-mama be cock-blockin’.

–F train

Girl: I don’t want AIDS, I just want his baby!

–Queens

Blue collar Yankees fan about father’s car, to friends: I never did nothing to that car… ‘cept I burned a cigarette hole in the seat. I did do that. But nothin’ else. I drove that car like a baby.

–E train

Overheard by: John G

Preggers on cell: I’m in labor right now, but it’s okay because I told the baby that they have to wait a while. I still need to eat, and I want to take my time and enjoy this meal. Any child of mine can come after.

–Ecco, Chambers St

A Silken Swirl of Wednesday One-Liners

Yelling guy: Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?! Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?!

–12th & Ave A

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Guy on cell: Are you going to give me some fellatio? Chicka-chicka-bow-bow. Some felaysh, hm?

–66th & 1st

Overheard by: misplacedpom

Woman on cell: She can’t suck dick to save her life!

–51st & 5th

High maintenance lady to male friend: So he said to me, ‘Let me get a blow job,’ and so I said to him, ‘Not until I get a boob job!’

–39th & 6th

Chick: So, he comes back to my place and I gave him a blow job. Then in the morning he was gone, but he left $22.50 on the table. Is that weird?

–Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Do Their Little Turn on the Catwalk

Woman on cell, wearing fuchsia catsuit and clutching stuffed parrot: I’m on the corner of Broadway and 69th in a ridiculous outfit.

–69th & Broadway Buff guy: You know what they used to call me in jail? “Harry the Robe,” because I wore this beautiful white robe after I took showers.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: gina Girl on cell: I swear, if I have my underwear on inside out today I am just going to snap.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Amused listener Preppy guy: Is there a philosopher named Kenneth Cole? Because there is this huge billboard with his quote on it.

–Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Rivington between Norfolk & Essex Guy in black cape and Batman-type mask: No one ever fucks with me when I go out at night rocking this outfit.

–Franklin & Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: lil pirate Girl: Do they even have Prada in Boston? They just have baked beans and Benjamin Franklin, and he’s dead.

–Stanton & Orchard Girl, walking behind another girl who’s wearing a pink tutu, white stockings, and a tiara: Let her walk alone wearing this on her birthday.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Not Wearing a Tutu

Dr. Frankenstein’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Yeah, so I gotta get my intestine.

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Already Got One

Man on cell: My left testicle’s on 57th Street, my leg’s on 58th Street, and my nose is falling off!

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Megan

Lady to friend: She’s a wimp even though she ain’t got no legs.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: snayl

Bimbette: Like, I totally starting choking. Something got stuck in my coccyx. It was bad.

–College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: DD

Gangsta on cell: I got a strong tongue. Any mood you in, I can fix.

–E Houston & Orchard

Crazy old man, pointing and yelling at little kid: Your skin is on backwards! Don’t be naive!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: tj

Wednesday One-liners Lead the Market

Suit: The thing about sales is that you’re nothing but a paid liar. –44th & Lexington Girl on cell: Really? Three and a half hours? I don’t think so. The ad says after four hours you need to worry. –Nassau & Liberty Old woman: There’s this green tea thing now…Starbucks started it…supposedly it’s really good for you. –Starbucks, Times Square Girl: I am, like, having an affair with my iPod. –Sullivan & Bleecker Man: I want the strongest coffee you have. With caffeine. Please. –Starbucks, 78th & Lexington Overheard by: Joshua S. Queer: Allison, did you buy that bra so that the straps would match your shopping bag? –2nd Avenue & 5th Street

Wednesday One-Liners Have Great Personalities

Guy smoking with his buddy, disgusted: Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and go, ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe someone is attracted to me’?

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: Michelle

Street vendor, as homely Brazilian chicks pass: You are a disgrace to the country of Brazil! Ugly!

–46th & 6th

Man on cell: Eh, she was kinda lizardy-looking…

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: sean

Smoking street vendor chick to friends: I mean, if you’re going to be ugly, at least be articulate.

–N 6th & Bedford

Girl to another: I mean, I think he is attractive, but it took me a while to think that.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Have a View to a Kill

God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio. –R train Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image. –Central Park Overheard by: Laura Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone. –GWB Terminal, 175th St Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.” –10th St & 1st Ave B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing. –Knitting Factory, Leonard St Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea? –Hunter College Overheard by: acep & arielle Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5. –Central Park Overheard by: MC

Wednesday One-Liners Make Way for the Mammals

20-something dude to girl exiting train: Well, good luck with the pterodactyl!

–N train, Broadway stop, Astoria

Overheard by: Dinosaywhat?

Mother to teen daughter: It would be a fetusaurus!

–E 8th St, between 6th & Broadway

Overheard by: Wondering if she means "an abortion"

Thug wannabe: So, it was like a dinosaur, but it had an ass.

–Manhattan-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Kevp

Little boy: You know what I wish? I wish there were no more zebras… or dinosaurs.

–Museum of Natural History

Teen boy to kid brother: You know why the dinosaurs died out? ‘Cause you touch yourself at night!

–14th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Stella