Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Might Have Food Issues

Guy: Nah, I’m trying to get that six pack for summer. I’m not going for the dashboard stomach or anything. Besides, the dashboard on my car isn’t looking too good, ya know? –Godiva, Nassau Street Overheard by: J Woman: She’s not trying anorexia, is she? She’s not in that adolescent phase yet, right? –85th & 5th Overheard by: Kaitlen Girl: Well, she should tell her doctor…and her waitress. –Fordham Overheard by: Trix Hobo: Hey, I’m really hungry. Really hungry, man. I ain’t eaten in the past coupla days. That’s why I’m losing weight. Except I’m so muscular, so I look healthy, but I’m hungry. And it’s hot outside, so I’m losing more weight. And I am muscular. –F train Queer: You know, whenever they show models in movies being obsessive about what they eat and their weight or something, it’s always presented like it’s this vain and self-indulgent thing, but, I mean, they’re models. It’s their job. It’s like for your job. You needed a Master’s Degree, right? Well, they need an eating disorder. –2 train Girl: I think he thought I was calling him fat. I wasn’t, though! I was calling him pregnant. –D train

There’s No Wednesday One-Liners in Baseball!

Flustered waiter: What was I doing? What was I doing?! Oh, that’s right — crying about how my life turned out. –Rachel’s Restaurant Mets fan: Yeah, man, my family is really competitive when it comes to sports, so last weekend we all went skiing. At the end of the day, it’s really a family bonding experience, so it’s good if we laugh at each other. If we make each other cry, that’s even better! –Shea Stadium Drug dealer to crying girl: Don’t cry. Buy some weed. –Christopher St, between Bleecker & Hudson Chubby girl, excitedly: Exactly two months ago at this time, I was crying in a bathroom! –L platform, Lorimer. Overheard by: einladle Stoner: If by crying you mean ‘ice cream and ecstasy,’ then yeah. –9th & 3rd Overheard by: Ryan H

Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters? –Penn Station Overheard by: Erin and Willa Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!" –Rivington & Essex Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes. –2 Train Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore! –5th Ave & 86th Overheard by: GerMan in NY Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey! –New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay. –1st & St. Mark's

Crotchety Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: You know what I did?! Grabbed my crotch once… Boom! –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: amused Guy: … And then he shoved his crotch in my face and yelled, ‘Does this prove something?!’ –Rare, Bleecker St Overheard by: Keezles Blond guy: I had my head in that guy’s crotch so many times today. It was nuts. –Coral Towers Overheard by: No Pun Intended Queer to fag hag: I don’t think he would mind so much that some Asian guy was fondling my crotch as much as he would be worried about the fact that I accepted a ride with a stranger. –Urban Outfitters, Union Square Overheard by: Mikey D. Wong Small, unattended child, singing: Fire-crotch, fire-crotch, fire-crotch, fire-crotch! –Columbia University

Wednesday One-Liner Repeats Itself

Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America. –Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it. –1 Train Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing. –7th & 31st Overheard by: Greg Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight. –6th Ave & 54th St Overheard by: Dale

Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners

Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art… –9th St & Ave C Overheard by: Juliet Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy. –Soho Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible. –Pratt Institute Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas. –Whitney Museum Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps! –Metropolitan Museum of Art Overheard by: Me too Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far! –Times Square

Poserday One-Liners

Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him? –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: haxromana Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either. –Troutman & Evergreen Overheard by: Kristen Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago. –6 Train Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough. –SoundFix Records, Brooklyn Overheard by: chelce Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster. –Columbus Circle

Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in. –Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mat Freimuth Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch! –Glendale Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair! –Hamilton Heights Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows. –65th St & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Enforce the Penile Code

Guy: Peanut butter and dick is so delicious. –Henry St & Clinton St Overheard by: Jeannie Hipster girl to friends: … And that’s why guys shouldn’t try to suck their own dicks. –Dominie’s Hoek, Long Island Guy: I just made an RM cry. I feel like a compliance dickhead! –Wall St EMS worker: … And that’s how my penis landed in the punch bowl. –Fordham & Southern Guy on phone: What? If my balls are on your chin, where the fuck is my cock? –Mercer & W 3rd Overheard by: TheBrit Woman in an ‘Officer Nasty’ costume: That girl sure knows how to bake a penis! –Party, 168th & Broadway Overheard by: Peter Pecker