Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

Looks Like a Job for the Wednesday One-Liner Whisperer

Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig. –Main St, Roosevelt Island Overheard by: king volcano Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python. –Dollar Store, Fulton St Overheard by: fiat lux Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats. –Washington Square Park Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating. –B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave Overheard by: Shamrock Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds? –Elevator, Bellevue Hospital Overheard by: patient White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that? –Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway Overheard by: Jon A. Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat. –3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Start the Clock, Wednesday One-liners

Suit: You know, at 2:30 in the morning, I become, like, a zombie of love. –G train Chick: There’s this guy who lives in that clock over there. They showed his apartment on TV. It’s like a prehistoric landmark. –F train Overheard by: mh Chick on cell: Yeah, I’m a ten-minutes-early girl and you’re a ten-minutes-late girl, and together that makes us twenty minutes late. –Houston & Eldridge Overheard by: Shane Yuppie lady: Let’s see your tits!…Hey, we’ve got time. Take off your top. –Bryant Park Guy on cell: You can’t fist someone for that long. They turn into a handpuppet after 5 minutes. –47th & 5th

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing. –Court St & 2nd Place Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina! –23rd & 7th Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours! –Hudson River Bike Path Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream. –NYU Dorm, Union Square Overheard by: Erica Fuld Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina! –W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like? –Chelsea Overheard by: Liz

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Wednesday One-Liners: Fact or Fiction?

Guy: It's like August: Osage County, but with zombies. –Manhattan Theatre Source Overheard by: Emily B. Girl: You know what they say: two in the bush, one in the wizard. –Dorm, Pratt Institute College student: Ghosts? They're like VT! –186th St & Amsterdam Black female suit on cell: Yeah, well you betta hope Tinkabell comes along… Or whoever the fuck it is who grants you ya damn wishes! –Penn Station Overheard by: emily d. Annoyed man on cell walking down stairs: No, mom, I don't know what werewolves eat! No, mom, I don't! Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm going into the subway! –Union Square Subway Entrance Overheard by: Masked Avenger

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does. –Bank St. & Greenwich St. Overheard by: Katie Compa Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps! –Madison Square Garden Overheard by: Santiago and Catie Guy: And she can ride him like a horse! –W 103rd St Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat. –7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises. –Townsend Harris High School Overheard by: amused Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu) –McDonald's

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Don’t Drink and Wednesday One-Liner

Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds look-alike: Well, you tell her that I will cut Miss Daisy before I drive her. –51st & 8th Overheard by: Nigel Chick to guy: I’ll give you 20 bucks and suck your dick the whole way if you give me a ride home. –5th & 2nd Woman to man: Well, if we’re not going to drive anywhere, we might as well drink! –Mulberry St Overheard by: Hazel Lady to friend: Yeah, he traded the Camry for a Tahoe, so now the sperm and eggs can all fit into one car. –49th & 5th Overheard by: seann r Messenger with hand truck: Tell them there is no fucking truck — I’m the truck! –28th & 7th

Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Wednesday One-Liners Look Manly in Tights

Despondent hobo: Spider-Man is dead, mothafuckah. –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: Emily B. Earnest white girl: So, I’ve been thinking about it, and here’s what I’m picturing — dat ho is lyin’ flat on her stomach, and Superman is on top of her, but he has to maybe keep his arms out in front of him like he’s in flyin’ position… And it seems like maybe it would be easier to Superman a small person… I bet you could Superman a big girl. Yeah, definitely. –H&M, Soho Angry vendor in heavy accent, after police bust nearby: They just arrest him. They arrest everybody. They think they are Superman! –Greene St, Soho Overheard by: Rich Mintz Costumed guy: Two things you never do — you never pull Superman’s cape, and you never kick Spider-Man in the nuts! [To friend dressed as Spider-Man] You are wearing a cup, right? –13th & University Overheard by: theresa

Republished by Blog Post Promoter