Chick: I love his mole. It’s like Matt Damon…he has a mole. –Starbucks, W. 4th St. Chick: I think it’s sexy that he went to art school. Her two friends start laughing immediately. –Jane, Soho Overheard by: Tamika J.
Mom: I don’t know. I think you have to be, like, 21 to go to outer space. –83rd & Amsterdam A six-year-old stops coughing and asks: Mommy, why did you cover my mouth? –Q Train
Film Nazi: The Holocaust did give us some good movies.
Overheard by: Tom and Katie
Suit on cell : And they were playing loud Nazi music.
Hip dude on cell, very casually: Sieg heil, my friend, sieg heil.
Girl: If it's about the Holocaust, it's going to get me hard… Not where I was going with that.
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: seeareuh
Man eating ice cream while trying to walk: Beanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeano.
–49th St and 7th Ave Station
Man dressed in green unitard, running in circles: Augghhhhhhhhhh!!! Aughhhhhhhhhh!! Aughhhhhhh!!!!
Moviegoer, after preview for The Blind Side: Blerrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (vomiting noises, then audience erupts in laughter)
–Regal Battery Park Stadium Movie Theater
Teenage boy, taking gum out of his pocket and looking at it: Scrotum! (puts gum back in pocket and walks away)
–95th St & Madison
Overheard by: Confused
Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.
–4 Express Train
Overheard by: Lexington
Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.
–Downtown 4 Train
Overheard by: Donz
Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!
Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?
Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.
–Fordham Rd, Bronx
Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.
Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.
Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St
Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.
–Washington Square East
20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!
Overheard by: TR
Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.
–39th & 9th
Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.
Overheard by: Ems
Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!
–Bedford & Grove
Overheard by: How many is too many?
Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Jingles
Overly flamboyant gay guy on phone: There is no way he can put himself through law school doing hardcore gay porn!
Overheard by: Anastassia
Gay boy to another: Pornstars make good money.
Girl: He wants to make money, but all his plans involve me being in porn. You know how long it takes to make a $1000 in porn? Three months!
–Destination Bar, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Heavyset dude to chick watching the Olympics: So I was watching curling porn the other day…
–Lucky Jack's bar, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to friend: I saw that girl in a porn video last night. She has a cock.
–William & Cedar
Overheard by: Laura
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.