Archive for the ‘Wednesday One-Liners’ Category

Wednesday-One-Liners Cope with At-Will Employment

Kid, to Clown dancing to ‘Hey Ya!’ in the bleachers: Get a job!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: thinks the clown is unemployed too


Guy on cell
: You’re fired! You’re fired, ok? Ok? Ok, see you later, then.


–33rd & 6th


Hobo to well-endowed girl on the street
: Damn girl! I wish I met you when I had a job!


–54th & 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Jasmine


Bimbette
: The boss says I am too bubbly, too nice and it’s really freaking out the customers.


–72nd & Broadway


Suit on cell
: I know she looks like she can fit your cock in her mouth, but aren’t you looking for a secretary?


–Wanamaker & 4th Ave


Young woman on cell
: I wish Jesus would just come down and be like, ‘You’re gonna get the job.’


–Prospect Park

Overheard by: The Ficus


Customer
: I have half a mind to come back here when the bitch gets off work… Whatever her life sucks, she works at Wendy’s.


–Wendy’s, 14th & 5th

Overheard by: Devon


Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Well, It’s Gone Now; Timber!

Guy: We came up on 6th Avenue so now we’re on 49th!
Girl: Does anybody know where the friggin’ tree is?
Woman: It’s on the fucking left! –49th & 6th Overheard by: Emma Little girl: I hate that tree. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: melanie segal Woman: The big Christmas tree is in Central Park, right?
Man: Yeah. –1 train Overheard by: Hilla

Europeans Speak on the Issues: The ESB

British Woman: So, what’s the purpose of the Empire State Building again?
British Man: It’s a sign of American power. –Empire State Building Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien Little Italian Guy: I’ll bet this whole building weighs at least a thousand pounds. –Empire State Building (365,000 tons) Overheard by: Stomach Aches

Wednesday One-Liners Involve a Lot Of Concentration

Film Nazi: The Holocaust did give us some good movies.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Tom and Katie

Suit on cell : And they were playing loud Nazi music.

–Lincoln Center

Hip dude on cell, very casually: Sieg heil, my friend, sieg heil.

–Queens.

Girl: If it's about the Holocaust, it's going to get me hard… Not where I was going with that.

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: seeareuh

Wednesday One-Liners, in Brief.

Man eating ice cream while trying to walk: Beanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeano.

–49th St and 7th Ave Station

Man dressed in green unitard, running in circles: Augghhhhhhhhhh!!! Aughhhhhhhhhh!! Aughhhhhhh!!!!

–Union Square

Moviegoer, after preview for The Blind Side: Blerrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (vomiting noises, then audience erupts in laughter)

–Regal Battery Park Stadium Movie Theater

Teenage boy, taking gum out of his pocket and looking at it: Scrotum! (puts gum back in pocket and walks away)

–95th St & Madison

Overheard by: Confused

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.

–4 Express Train

Overheard by: Lexington

Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Donz

Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!

–7 Train

Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?

Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.

–Fordham Rd, Bronx

Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.

Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!

–F Train