Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

“And what did you learn in school today, Billy?”

Teacher #1: …and I smoked weed, so my friends staged an intervention. They said, “We reeeally want you to stop smoking.” And I was like, “All right, but you all have to try it once to see what it’s like.” Well, twice, not just once, ’cause you don’t get high the first time.
Teacher #2: You get high the first time!
Teacher #1: Not everybody does.
Teacher #2: So you made your friends smoke weed?
Teacher #1: I didn’t make them smoke. It was a choice. –4 Train Overheard by: Kaitlen

Nice guys can relate

A hipster girl, walking down Bedford Ave in Williamsburg, talking on her cell phone: “I didn’t realize what a good boyfriend Matt was…. yeah… he’s too nice, too together, too in touch with his emotions… his only problem is that he doesn’t smoke pot.”

Where There's Smoke, There's Wednesday One-Liner

Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed."

–Chase Bank, Astor Place

Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!

–Bronx Family Court

Overheard by: Adog

Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound.

–72nd St & Broadway

Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's.

–E 10th St

Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl?

20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first.

–Houston & Essex

…And Smoke Them on Behalf Of the Recipients

20-something girl to much older date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much anymore.
20-something girl: Me either… Not much… I mean, it's been a long time… But I do know this awesome guy on St. Mark's who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He always has something new for me.
Guy, after pause: Actually, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-something girl, after embarrassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts.

–G Train