Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

…And Smoke Them on Behalf Of the Recipients

20-something girl to much older date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much anymore.
20-something girl: Me either… Not much… I mean, it's been a long time… But I do know this awesome guy on St. Mark's who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He always has something new for me.
Guy, after pause: Actually, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-something girl, after embarrassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts.

–G Train

And Look What Happened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Americans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That's why they're so strong and shit today. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Americans”? I meant to say “American Indians.”
(both laugh)

–Outside Le Bar Bat, Hell's Kitchen

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!

–East Village

Overheard by: Matty Mac

Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!

–Brooklyn

Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?

–Mulberry

Overheard by: nina

Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!

–Astoria

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners!

NYU professor: Stay away from drugs. (pause) Unless they're recreational and you know what you're doing!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: liz

Tall kid: I don't like opiates in general. I'm for up, not down. At any rate, I have a fucking honky horn!

–Hunter College High School

Guy: I think I need to do more shrooms and acid.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Jordan

Girl to friend: You should try something natural, like shrooms.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Julie

Druggie clerk on cell: I mean: come on, man! That's my fucking apartment. If he wants to smoke weed or shoot up in my apartment, it's like, whatever. But crack? No. That's my fucking home. Seriously.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Emmy

You Might As Well Be Walking on the Sun

Short thug: Nigga, stars come in all sizes. Just 'cause some are bigger don't mean they are closer.
Tall thug: Fuck it, they don't! The sun's the biggest star because that motherfucker's the closest. (other thugs murmur in agreement)
Short thug: What about the moon, then? It looks bigger than any of them bitches.
Tall thug: Because it's closer! Damn!
Short thug: But it ain't bigger than a motherfucking star!
Random thug: Ain't nobody know how big a star is, man.
Short thug, exasperated: How many of you niggas smoking your own shit? (they fall silent) Goddamn! Well, that explains a whole fucking lot!

–St. John's & Underhill