Yuppie in the west village: “The thing about pot is that it slows everything down.”
Teacher #1: …and I smoked weed, so my friends staged an intervention. They said, “We reeeally want you to stop smoking.” And I was like, “All right, but you all have to try it once to see what it’s like.” Well, twice, not just once, ’cause you don’t get high the first time.
Teacher #2: You get high the first time!
Teacher #1: Not everybody does.
Teacher #2: So you made your friends smoke weed?
Teacher #1: I didn’t make them smoke. It was a choice. –4 Train Overheard by: Kaitlen
A hipster girl, walking down Bedford Ave in Williamsburg, talking on her cell phone: “I didn’t realize what a good boyfriend Matt was…. yeah… he’s too nice, too together, too in touch with his emotions… his only problem is that he doesn’t smoke pot.”
Lady: Excuse me sir, can I bum a ciga…oh, you’re smoking a joint. –3rd Ave. & 12th Street Overheard by: David H
Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash button should just be labeled "8th of weed."
–Chase Bank, Astor Place
Probation officer to juvenile: You think you can't get arrested for marijuana? Are you out of your damn mind? You're taking a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!
–Bronx Family Court
Overheard by: Adog
Guy to girlfriend: The more stoned I get, the better you sound.
–72nd St & Broadway
Guy: So then I smoked a goodnight bowl at Chris's.
–E 10th St
Overheard by: What about a good morning bowl?
20-something to friend: I'll save the world second, but I'll get high first.
–Houston & Essex
Man with joint: Hey lady, wanna get high?
Girl: What are you, a freak? Don't bother me, asshole.
Man: No, I'm a dope dealer.
Girl: Oh, sorry, I thought you wanted a date. I'll take two dimes.
–7th & Bleecker
20-something girl to much older date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much anymore.
20-something girl: Me either… Not much… I mean, it's been a long time… But I do know this awesome guy on St. Mark's who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He always has something new for me.
Guy, after pause: Actually, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-something girl, after embarrassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts.
Balding Italian man: Well, I was going to say “marijuana”.
Young Italian woman: That's your answer for everything.
–Frankies 457, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sunny
Drunk white girl #1: African Americans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That's why they're so strong and shit today. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Americans”? I meant to say “American Indians.”
–Outside Le Bar Bat, Hell's Kitchen
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!