Archive for the ‘Weed’ Category

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up. –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: joy Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop! –16th St & 7th Ave Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers. –Brooklyn Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels. –14th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Diaz

His Next Move Was to Ask a Friendly Police Officer Where He Could Procure Some

Foreigner, showing bong: And here is what I bought today.
Ghetto kid: Yeah, whatcha gonna put in there? Tobacco?
Foreigner: Yes, I put the tobacco in here. The tobacco.
Ghetto kid: No, man. You gotta put some weed in there. You ever heard of weed?
Foreigner: Weed? No…weed? I don’t understand.
Ghetto kid: Get some weed. You put a little weed in there, smoke it up, and you’re set.
Foreigner: Yes, thank you. Weed. –Brooklyn bound B train Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Friends Don’t Let Friends Be Drug Mules

Black guy: I just really don’t wanna go to prison in Africa.
White guy: Of course. And, if at any time you feel like that might be a possibility, the operation comes to a close. I value you and your sweet virgin ass and unslit throat over some cheap pot.
Black guy: That’s how I know you’re a real friend. –Parking lot, LaGuardia Overheard by: slightly confused

Medicinal Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: … So she smoked some pot and said, ‘This isn’t working. I need to shoot some heroin.’ –26th St & 8th Ave Professor: Every good professor smokes marijuana. –John Jay College Overheard by: soccerking3t Fat guy: Hey, I just finished running the marathon — let’s call Jeff and go get high! –12th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: off white Young pothead: Hey, lady, could you spare some change to help support my marijuana habit? –Borough Hall Park, Staten Island Future teacher: I think we should let the kids smoke pot everyday after lunch… You know, just for kindergarten. –Spruce St & Gold St Overheard by: Kim Chick on cell: For some reason that reminds me of The Bell Jar. But probably, I’m just still high. –West 4th St & Greene

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea! –Times Square Overheard by: Patrick Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman. –48th & Broadway Overheard by: MsPrint Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries! –Times Square Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other? –Times Square Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs. –W 43rd St & 9th Ave Overheard by: Daniel

What Self-Respecting New Yorker Can’t Distinguish Between a Pothead and a Crackhead?

White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack. –Q54 Bus