Archive for the ‘West Village’ Category

I've Parlayed It Into a Lucrative Modeling Career

Customer: I love your fries, I'm so addicted.
Cashier: Have you tried anything else on our menu?
Customer: Actually, I'm allergic to chickpeas, so, no.
Cashier: Oh, man, that sucks. Our falafel is so good!
Customer: Yeah…
Cashier: Well, hey, at least you're not allergic to wheat.
Customer: Um…actually…
Cashier: Damn! How do you live like that?

–Taim , West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!

–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!

–Hudson & Morton

Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]
Girl, pulling away
: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]


–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St

Overheard by: Bex

Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."

–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: scrubs

Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.

–The Point Knitting Cafe

Overheard by: Heather

Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hospital

Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!

Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!

–Central Park

Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Allison

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Scenes from the Scene

Dude: Shit in the pussy!
Wolf Parade singer: …Did someone just say “shit in the pussy”?

–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street

Overheard by: claudia gallego

Suit: Hey asshole standing up, sit the fuck down!
Hipster guy: Hey asshole sitting down, stand the fuck up!
Suit: I didnt pay $800 to look at the back of your head!
Hipster guy: Come down here and try something and i’ll sue your ass! Nice suit, fag!

–Cream Concert, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: zetasmack

Girl: Hey, you guys were great. If you’re not doing anything after, call my number, I wrote it next to the monument [on this dollar].
Jurassic 5 singer: Wow..uh, great. Take care, now.
Girl: Yeah, see you later.
Jurassic 5 singer: …Dude, she just gave me her phone number. You take it.
Guy: Yeah? Wow, thanks!
Jurassic 5 singer: Yeah, but buddy, you make sure you tap that shit, now, y’hear? A’right.

–70th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sharon B

Pat O’Brien: Um, excuse me…
Bouncer: Oh shit, that’s Pat O’Brien, that’s my peoples.
Guy: …Aw, come on, we’ve been waiting out here for an hour and Pat O’Brien gets in?
Bouncer: Yo, don’t step, Pat O’Brien is good peoples.

–Canal Room, West Broadway

Drag queen: Madonna should die! She sucks! She’s a rapist, not an artist!…Madonna should die! I’ll kill her!
Guy: Get a vagina, bitch!

–The Roxy, West 18th Street

Overheard by: G-Lock

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

God, I Love Church Retreats

Guy #1: So how was your weekend? Did you go on the trip?
Guy #2: It was insane man, a real pagan festival.
Guy #1: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah, naked girls worshiping a giant tree. Totally crazy.
Guy #1: Did you make a love connection?
Guy #2: I actually made a few love connections, if you know what I mean…

–Men's Room, Hiro Ballroom

Overheard by: Yeah, we know what you mean…

Wednesdays Pray Their One-Liners Don't Go Condo

Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.

–Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Dodd Loomis

Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment…

–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!

–Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery

20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.

–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th

Overheard by: Dash