Archive for the ‘White People’ Category

Might Be Better to Be Fat, Ugly, and Deluded

Asian girl: I was going down the stairs just now, and this girl was getting seriously upset over how horrible she looks today. Then the boy she was with went all, ‘Oh my god, stop it!’ and asked me, ‘Doesn’t she look good today?’
White girl: And then?
Asian girl: I told him she looks lovely, and came here.
White girl: Oh.
Asian girl: But goddammit, I wanted to slap her upside the face! I mean, don’t go around crying over how ugly you look when you’re obviously skinny and gorgeous — that just makes you a bitch!
White girl: Mmm-hm. Seriously.

–Bronx Science

Nigga, Please!

White guy #1: What’s she look like?
White guy #2: She’s really hot, she’s black.
White guy #1: You mean African-American.
White guy #2: No, I don’t.
White guy #1: But you said she’s black.
White guy #2: Right, she’s Sicilian. She’s neither African nor American.
White guy #1: Well, her family must have come from Africa at some point.
White guy #2: Yeah, like 1000 years ago.
White guy #1: Ok, then she’s African. –39th & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Star in a Revival of Dreamcoat

Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs.

–Elevator, 250 West 57th St

Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that!

–Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’!

The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre

Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes.

–Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot.

–Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Adam

Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’?

–Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St

Overheard by: A-Mo

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots