Archive for the ‘Whole Foods’ Category

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please! –72nd & Columbus Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Katy Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair. –Victoria's Secret Overheard by: Emm Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man. –Union Square Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: TheMac

Wednesday One-Liners’ Eyes Are Bigger Than Their Stomachs

20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life? –Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker? –St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human. –B Train Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs. –Union Square Whole Foods Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge? –E 60th St Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore! –E 13th St & 1st Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister. –14th St Overheard by: The Reverend Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you. –Max Cafe Overheard by: D to the ana Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night! –Whole Foods Union Square Overheard by: bildita Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"? –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Diana

Is It Sick That I Wednesday on Their One-Liners?

Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired. –4th & Lafayette Overheard by: andy Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really? –Times Square Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder." –NY Comic Con Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time. –Fordham Law School Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad. –1st Ave & 11th St Overheard by: Will Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish. –Whole Foods, Chelsea Overheard by: Hunter (aka,