Mom to children: You guys look like dancers!
Little girl #1: Yeah!
Little girl #2: Yeah! Like flash dancers!
Mom: What are flash dancers?
Little girl #1: They take of their clothes and flash people!
Little girl #2: Yeah!
–Whole Foods, Bowery
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Archive for the ‘Whole Foods’ Category
A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
I'm Also a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Cookie-dough
Thin girl #1, in front of ice cream fridge: Oh no, I shouldn't get any. I'm fat enough already.
Thin girl #2: Bitch, do not say stupid shit like that. You look fine.
Thin girl #1: No, you don't get it! I only look skinny. I have no muscle definition at all, it's all fat. I'm marbled. It's a trick.
Thin girl #2: So you're like… A stealth fatty?
Thin girl #1: I'm a chub ninja. I walk amongst skinny people undetected.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Actually, That Might Just Be Cyanide.
Woman #1: Are there nuts in this? I'm allergic.
Woman #2: No, just almonds.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Wednesday One-Liners for Change
Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment
Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mary Button
Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway surfer
Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!
–manhattan dental waiting room
Overheard by: Catherine
Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.
–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown
Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"
–59th Street, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Yes we can!
Interestingly, This Is Exactly How Christianity Works
JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin's birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don't hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what's the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I'm sooo sorry! Please don't do this!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them
Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex.
–L Train
Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Sarah
Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Liz
Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right?
–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square
Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin.
–University Place & E 9th
Some Good Clean Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation!
–113th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater!
–7th & W23rd
Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths.
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Overheard by: Percival Under Cover
Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: kosher dan
30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers… But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em.
–34th St
Overheard by: Kristen
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity
Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas.
–Bedford Ave
Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon.
–Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana.
–Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me.
–Metro-North Harlem Line
Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going?
–Whole Foods
Overheard by: Sac
Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!
30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough.
–Whole Foods Market, Chelsea
Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme)
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mickey
20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly!
–Washington Square Park
Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something.
–UA School of Music and Art
20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown.
–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Pedro