Archive for the ‘Whole Foods’ Category

Interestingly, This Is Exactly How Christianity Works

JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin's birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don't hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what's the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I'm sooo sorry! Please don't do this! –Whole Foods, Union Square

You Don't Really Know Someone 'til You Wednesday One-Liner With Them

Girl: I haven't told my new roommate that our upstairs neighbor sounds like the Count when she's having sex. –L Train Man to two female companions: Don't you hate it when you go into your bathroom and find your roommate's pubes on the sink? –Pratt Institute Overheard by: Sarah Jersey mom: We're so lucky she got a good roommate, one that doesn't stay up late or listen to rock music. –Fordham University Overheard by: Liz Guy to friend: If you are 35 and living in New York with 3 roommates, you should just shoot yourself, right? –Outside Whole Foods, Union Square Confused NYU male: The only people I would consider hooking up with are like, my roommate and like, Carl, my cousin. –University Place & E 9th

Some Good Clean Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation! –113th St & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater! –7th & W23rd Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths. –Whole Foods, Houston St Overheard by: Percival Under Cover Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous. –South Street Seaport Overheard by: kosher dan 30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers… But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em. –34th St Overheard by: Kristen

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas. –Bedford Ave Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon. –Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana. –Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn Overheard by: Sarah Booz 30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me. –Metro-North Harlem Line Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going? –Whole Foods Overheard by: Sac

Hey, Boys and Girls, It's Wednesday One-Liner Time!

30-something blonde in office attire on cell: You need to tell Vanessa that she can't be on the show because she's not overweight enough, and s not unattractive enough. –Whole Foods Market, Chelsea Syracuse University girl, going up escalator: I feel like I'm in Star Trek! (begins humming Indiana Jones theme) –Penn Station Overheard by: Mickey 20-something gaysian: Yeah, he watches Hannah Montana so I don't get why he makes fun of me for watching iCarly! –Washington Square Park Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She's funny; she's like the Jim Carrey of the 1920s or something. –UA School of Music and Art 20-something preppy kid to mother: You know, they really should have a reality show about Midtown. –54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Pedro

Now If Only Katie Holmes Would Have That Experience

Girl #1: Dude, how amazing was Adam Lambert in concert last night?
Girl #2: Holy shit! There was a point in the show where I actually considered going on Zoloft because I have absolutely no shot with him, but then he gyrated again and threw me out of my heterosexual-girl-in-love-with-a-hot-flamboyant-gay-man funk. –Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator? –4th St & 2nd Ave Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over? –Whole Foods Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures. –The Leather Man Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her. –5th Ave & 58th St. Overheard by: Courtney Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?! –Crowded NYU Elevator Overheard by: S Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes! –Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Liat