Archive for the ‘Wiggers’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Lyssa Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back. –Prince & Lafayette Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo? –D Train Overheard by: 4-dumb Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither. –Times Square Overheard by: Jas

Every Night, I Pray for More Wednesday One-Liners

Disgruntled MTA worker, to no one in particular: See? I don't like human beings all that much. I like animals, they mo' fo' real. (venomously) Y'all better be glad I'm not god. –6 Train 30-something white guy to friends: I live in Mesopotamia, 'cause the gods are gangsta! –W 83rd & Columbus Ave Older MTA worker, comforting young passenger: GPS: Guidance, patience, strength. Give it over to god. Trust that motherfucker is going to handle it. Give me GPS and I can handle the rest! –Union Square Subway Stop Bag lady, drenched in rain: The joke's on you, god! –9th St & University Place 20-something guy on phone: So then she tells me the reason my dad died is because god was trying to hurt me! –Union Square Overheard by: talker's remorse 30-something: I mean…he's a good looking guy, but then he found god. –39th St

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Wednesday One-Liners

Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less. –Columbia University Overheard by: Music Theorist Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body… –McCarren Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: do I have to? 20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened? –Park Slope Overheard by: Hopper Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to. –Liberty State Park Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present. –Manhattan School of Music Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing! –F Train Overheard by: Groovin to the music

Wednesday One-Liners Need the Cliffs Notes

Drunk college kid: I had to read Grapes of Wrath. Which, by the way, has no grapes! Pissed me off! –53rd & 7th 20-Something chick: Non fiction? That’s true stuff right? –Barnes & Noble, 54th between 3rd & Park Older sister, giving younger brother a book entitled Living in Sin: Here, this is all about you. –Barnes & Noble, Union Square Guy, to friend reading Dostoevsky’s The Idiot: Hey, is that your autobiography? –Times Square Overheard by: John Ghetto white dude: Yo, that nigga is like Shakespeare. Mad gangsta. –9th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: shannon ramlochan Guy: You can’t talk to me for half an hour about Chaucer and then tell me you have a boyfriend. –St Mark’s & 3rd