Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Wiggers’ Category

No Change? Airports Are Making Great Strides in Lip-Gloss Confiscation!

White 20-something #1: Have you heard about the September 11th controversy?
White 20-something #2: No…what?
White 20-something #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both releasing their new albums on that date and if Kanye outsells 50 then 50 says that he is going to retire from rapping.
White 20-something #2: Wow! That's controversial.
White 20-something #1: Is it crazy that that's the new September 11th controversy? Things have really changed since then…
White 20-something #2 (pensive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you listening to this shit?

–L Train

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Wednesday One-Liners

Music theory professor, explaining classical idioms: The reason we use these techniques is because the great composers did–Mozart, Beethoven, Bach. They knew what they were doing. Bach knew that Mozart intuitively understood the music. When he reviewed Mozart's work, he was like, "that motherfucker!" (slight pause) Yeah, more or less.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Music Theorist

Girl to friends: Imagine this: Spice Girls concert, platform shoes, glitter all over my body…

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: do I have to?

20-something Whitey McWhiteface to friends: So do you think Lil Wayne tried to become a hipster or, like, it just happened?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hopper

Guy to friend, while watching Radiohead: This is a great song to urinate to.

–Liberty State Park

Doctoral student on phone: I can't do my dissertation on the sex lives of great composers…I can't… No, it's just that the subject is too big… Ok, so 1950 to present.

–Manhattan School of Music

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. And now for your entertainment… (taps on the microphone a pretty decent beat) I hope you all like my beats…I've been practicing!

–F Train

Overheard by: Groovin to the music

Honestly, Sheldon, I Can’t Keep It Any Realer Than That

Wigger #1: Yo, son, you’re not comin’ through this weekend and shit. Where you at?
Wigger #2: Yo, it’s like Yom Kippur and shit.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: j.anna

You Think That’s Just a Coincidence?

Wigger referring to Lhasa Apso on leash: Yo, yo, man, look at that dog. I told my bitch I’d steal a dog like that for her.
Black friend: You like them faggot dogs? I like me a mothafuckah dat can tear somebody’s ass up, like a Doberman or some shit.
Wigger, pausing to think: Man, it’s dangerous to steal a Doberman!

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Shhh! Gwen’s in Disguise

White thug: Awww shit, it’s raining out? This shit is ridiculous!
Passerby: This shit is bananas!
White thug: Fuck you.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: the phantom listener

Rikers Is Easier to Escape During Rush Hour

Wangsta #1: When you get back from the Island?
Wangsta #2: I tole you, I wasn’t at Riker’s! That’s Rasheed!
Wangsta #1: Fool, I’m talking about Long Island, not Rikers!
Wangsta #2: Oh, Thursday.

–R train

Overheard by: Jonster

Wednesday One-Liners Need the Cliffs Notes

Drunk college kid: I had to read Grapes of Wrath. Which, by the way, has no grapes! Pissed me off!

–53rd & 7th 20-Something chick: Non fiction? That’s true stuff right? –Barnes & Noble, 54th between 3rd & Park Older sister, giving younger brother a book entitled Living in Sin: Here, this is all about you.

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square Guy, to friend reading Dostoevsky’s The Idiot: Hey, is that your autobiography?

–Times Square

Overheard by: John Ghetto white dude: Yo, that nigga is like Shakespeare. Mad gangsta. –9th St & 4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: shannon ramlochan Guy: You can’t talk to me for half an hour about Chaucer and then tell me you have a boyfriend. –St Mark’s & 3rd

Actually, He’s Teaching You French

White homie teen: Chicken fill-ett.
Latino homie teen: That’s “fill-ay”. Hah, “fill-ett“. Ha ha ha, “fill-ett“.
White homie teen: You’re teaching me English? –Wendy’s, Bensonhurst