Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate. –Astor Place Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here. –Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it. –93rd & 3rd Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina. –Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St Overheard by: Becky Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina! –100th & Amsterdam Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her. –32nd & Madison Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is? –Duane Reade, 45th & 6th
Female Police Officer: So he calls me at 1:59 and tells me, ‘I’m out with the guys and I won’t be able to be home by 2.’ So I say to him, ‘Just don’t come home at 6 am!’ and he says okay and then he comes home at 5:59!
Male Police Officer: Why do you put up with this?
Female Police Officer: Because once you go Puerto Rican, you never go a-seekin’! –Precinct 90, Williamsburg
Woman: All my anorexic friends undereat during pregnancy.
Female friend: (nervous chuckle)
Woman: I mean, come on.
–Bedford & N 10th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sarah
Bitch on cell: You know what my number one pet peeve is? Intolerence! –Williamsburg Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…
–Columbus & 62nd St
Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.
Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!
–Spring & Hudson
Overheard by: Oscar Gamble
Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.
–125th St Fairway
Overheard by: Just Shoppint
Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.
Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes
Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung
Dude: Do you have any matches?
Shop guy: Buddy, this is a health store, I sure hope we don’t have any matches.
Dude: Oh…yeah…I guess you are right. –Matany Health Food, Williamsburg Overheard by: Jason B.
Amherst alum: So we’re looking over the applications, and there are all these amazing kids. Won the Westinghouse, worked for the UN. And the questions: “Who do you most look up to?” “My parents, because they’re immigrants, and they taught me to work hard.” And with each of them it’s like, “in”. And then we get to this one, it’s like, “What’s a recent intellectually stimulating experience?” The answer is, “I love my dog, walking my dog.” Stuff like that. On and on, really ridiculous. And then, “Who do you most look up to?” The answer: “my parents, especially my dad. He’s the President of the United States.” And we look at each other, and Steve is like, “in.”
Overheard by: Julia Mandell
Hipster waitress to another: Camel toe is like, really hot, but also really uncomfortable.
College guy to friend: Dude, I'd definitely date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It's not gay.
Overheard by: Stephen
Professor: Welcome to CUNY, it's like menopause. It's either too hot or too cold.
–City University of New York
Latino girl on cell: Bitch, please. I'm gonna look mad hot tonight. I'ma comb my hair!
Male professor: I don't care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, nothing's going to happen!
–New York Institute of Technology
Overheard by: Not Brad Pitt
Woman #1: My husband starts law school in august.
Woman #2: Oh? Which one?
Woman #1, rolling eyes: I only have one husband.
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!
Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!
Overheard by: Morgan
Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!
–SVA Animation Department
Overheard by: Laughing
Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: JO in Bobst
Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.
–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square
Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall
[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"
–Office bathroom, 31st Street