Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate. –Astor Place Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here. –Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it. –93rd & 3rd Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina. –Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St Overheard by: Becky Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina! –100th & Amsterdam Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her. –32nd & Madison Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is? –Duane Reade, 45th & 6th
Hipster #1: People in France are so fucked up.
Hipster #2: Not all of them. Only 20%.
Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man? –Union Square Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you. –Bar, Upper West Side Overheard by: Eric Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big. –Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg Overheard by: letthemusicplayy Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole! –Rite Aid, Grand Central
Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?" –Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now. –Metro-North Overheard by: fingerling Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid. –Hard Rock Cafe Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner. –McCarren Park, Williamsburg Overheard by: kalbijim Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning? –Williamsburg
Girl: We were really drunk and didn't use a condom the other night.
Friend: It happens.
Girl: Afterward, he joked that I should get tested.
Friend: Hahaha, really?
Girl: We both laughed, it was funny…then he said, “no, seriously.” –Williamsburg
Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce. –Shea Stadium Overheard by: bill R Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard. –Bard High School Early College Overheard by: and didn’t notice? Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time… –96th & CPW White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce! –113th St Overheard by: Meister E. Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already. –Howard St Overheard by: havarthe Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us? –Relish, Williamsburg Overheard by: Justin Casement
Cyclist #1: So how was your girl’s birthday?
Cyclist #2: All right, I guess. I kinda fucked up.
Cyclist #1: Fucked up? How?
Cyclist #2: Well, she’s vegan.
Cyclist #1: Yeah, so?
Cyclist #2: Well, I bought her a leather seat for her bike.
Cyclist #1: So what, man? She’s vegan — just because she doesn’t like cow in her mouth doesn’t mean she won’t like it in her ass. –Williamsburg Bridge Overheard by: Prolly
Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people. –Morningside Heights Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car? –6 train Overheard by: Sabrina Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me! –Duane Reade, 34th & Park Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room. –Astor Pl 20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?! –CVS
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark! –Williamsburg, Brooklyn Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor! –Sheraton Hotel Overheard by: Morgan Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh! –SVA Animation Department Overheard by: Laughing Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts? –Kimmel Center, NYU Overheard by: JO in Bobst Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family. –AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall [Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!" –Office bathroom, 31st Street
Girl #1: He wasn’t even that cute. Like, not good-looking at all.
Girl #2: But you fucked him?
Girl #1: Of course, he was Puerto Rican. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Jim VB