Archive for the ‘Words’ Category

That’s It — I’m Getting a Bigger Monitor!

Ghetto queer, mocking ghetto chick: ‘It’s been so nice seeing you again…’
Ghetto chick: You know, I’ve been friends with him for so long, but something about seeing him today was just so… different. I guess maybe his essence was just too big for a MySpace page.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Has been waiting for this.

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Noelle

Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy
: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.


–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza

Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him

Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rolf

Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!

–E train

Overheard by: In_the_Shadows

Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Joe

Wednesday One-Liners Are Masters of Their Own Verbal Domain

Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.

–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park

Overheard by: Lacey Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it. –52nd & 7th Overheard by: Jatmos Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days. –Flinders St Overheard by: duygu Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day. –Hudson & Spring Overheard by: AJ Stone Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation. –Office, 1250 Broadway Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with. –Macy’s Overheard by: Chelsea College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up. –NYU 10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language. –B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb Overheard by: Kyri Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand. –Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave Overheard by: gweny Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese. –Party, 16th & 1st Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing. –8th & Broadway Overheard by: ceci Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

The Lost Friends Episode

Chick #1: What’s that? ‘Smegma’? That’s not a word.
Guy #1: Of course it’s a word.
Chick #1: Bullshit. What does it mean?
Guy #1: Haven’t you ever heard of dick cheese?
Chick #1: Get the fuck out of here.
Chick #2: It’s crud that grows under men’s foreskins.
Guy #2: You must date all Jewish guys.
Chick #2: Or Muslims.
Chick #1: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Guy #1: Don’t you inspect a cock before you put it in your mouth?
Chick #1: I don’t put cocks in my mouth.
Guy #2: Which explains why she’s here playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Guy #1: You don’t give blow jobs? Honestly?
Chick #1: No.
Guy #2: Why not? You’re an attractive adult woman.
Chick #1: I think it’s gross.
Guy #1: Maybe she tried it once and the guy had smegma.
Chick #2, taking hand of Chick #1: Come with me and I’ll explain. [They leave the room, and Chick #2 comes back alone minutes later] Let’s go. She doesn’t feel like playing any more.
Guy #2: First no blow jobs, now no Scrabble. She’s really painting herself into a corner.
Guy #1: Before we get lost in all these other issues, I get 42 points for ‘smegma.’

–Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd

Overheard by: Big Larry