Archive for the ‘Yankee Stadium’ Category

Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees

Yankee fan: Yeah, I'll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh. –McDonald's, Yankee Stadium Overheard by: Rachel W.

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with. –Yankee Stadium Museum Overheard by: sternie 30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school! –65th & Broadway Overheard by: ENGLEBERT Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in. –59th St & Lexington Overheard by: Josie Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo. –88th & 1st Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude! –Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game

Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back! –Christopher & 7th Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus. –125th b/w Park & Lexington Overheard by: Reilly Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too. –Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo. –33rd St & 6th Ave Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for! –Shuttle Train Overheard by: Meredith Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before! –NJ Transit Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson! –Yankee Stadium Subway Platform

Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin. –9th & 21st, Chelsea Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister. –72nd & Central Park West Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister. –Staten Island Barber Shop Overheard by: Snewsboy Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister. –Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought… Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now. –Old Yankee Stadium Overheard by: datura0001

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Skater boy: I love Jennifer Aniston! I would fuck her and then leave her! –Uptown 1 Train Overheard by: Laura Grad student: I've been analyzing my love life from a symbolic interactionist perspective… –Amsterdam Cafe Overheard by: Ladle Guy on cell: I love you…(defensively) Yes I do! –Columbus Circle Loud guy: You know what? Sometimes you've got to catch a few venereal diseases to find true love. –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: Kelsey Man on cell: Then I thought that if I asked her out she would think that I think that she thinks that I think that she loves me. –59th St & 8th Ave Black girl behind the counter (after receiving a few text messages and calls): Why is everyone harassing me today? (sighs) I feel loved. –Coldstone Creamery Overheard by: Eli Bus driver on loudspeaker: This bus is beautiful. We care about one another, we share our experiences, our dreams and aspirations. I love each and every one of y'all. So…that's what this is. –X30 Bus Overheard by: i just like him as a friend…