Archive for the ‘Yankees’ Category

Ever Since It Didn’t Happen Yet, Things Just Haven’t Been the Same

College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…

–Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Have ‘Roid Rage

Teen guy: My math teacher says that I should learn this stuff since it’s going to be useful, but I told her, ‘When I go to college, I’m majoring in Lacrosse.’ The coach can hire a tutor for anything else they want me to do.

–Amtrak train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lacrosse-titute

Conductor: Fourth avenue. Transfer here to the R train on the lower level. The time is 6:36. The score is five-four, Mets. Thank you for riding MTA New York City Transit.

–F stop, 4th Ave

Overheard by: mili

Conductor: And don’t forget, you heard it here first: Yankees, five, Detroit, two. Mets… more than the other team. Anyone knows who the other team is, that’s good. Mets gonna have more runs than the other team. Next stop, 34th street.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: Pebbles

Woman on cell: Well, I’m sorry if my commitment to the Mets is not all you had hoped it would be!

–2nd Ave & 82nd St

Overheard by: aislinn

Yankees fan: So they found Lidle’s passport… Did they find his pitching arm?

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: tragedy + 2 minutes = comedy

Guy: This goddamn fucking son of a bitch! Darryl Strawberry just stole a thousand dollars from me!

–Office, 30th St

Overheard by: Bagel

B&T girl: I hate sports. I mean, I don’t even know what’s going on down there.

–On line for Slate

Overheard by: acep

Wednesday One-Liners Ride the Train (Whoo-Whoo!) and Ride It

Conductor: Last stop, Grand Central Terminal. Remember, don’t drink and drive, but if you are going to take the train, drink ’til you go blind. Have a nice evening.

–Metro North, Grand Central Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Next stop, uh… Franklin… naw, that’s not it. Well, let’s go.

–Brooklyn bound R train

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick Conductor, to woman standing halfway in the motorman’s booth flirting with him: Wanna drive?

–7 train

Overheard by: Margarita Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is not roll call. This is not Mickey Mouse roll call. Stand clear of the closing doors. –4 train, Wall St Overheard by: Pandora Conductor: Please step in and watch the closing doors… Sir. Move your stuff out of the doors so I can close them! Motherfucker gonna make me late… gonna make us all late!

–Queens bound R train

Overheard by: Jay Kay Conductor: We are now approaching 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. If you’re not getting off here, you should. Go see the second half of the Boston Massacre. Have a good day. –Uptown 4 train Overheard by: Helena the Great Conductor: There is no V train service on the weekends. Get on this train. I repeat, there is no V train service on the weekends. What are you waiting for? Just get on my train! –Downtown E train Overheard by: tyler ann

Wednesday One-Liners Are Thicker Than Water

Girl: Every time I fart, more blood comes out. –SoHo Guy on cell: The blood bank’s coming and they want me to give blood…Naw, I’m like, “I’ll give blood for Yankee tickets.” I’ve done enough for good causes. You know, I gotta hold on to that shit. That’s my blood, man. –48th & 3rd Jerseyite: Wait, mosquitoes suck blood? –Prince & Lafayette Girl, to guy singing loudly: Shut up, before I take my bloody pad off and smear it on your face! Times seven! –Village Community School, W 10th St Overheard by: Keesha Brown

Even the Fans Inject

Dad: Ok, ok, it’s two outs, we’ll go after this batter.
Boy: Dad, I want water!
Dad: You know what I see? An impatient little boy who can’t wait five minutes.
Boy: You know what I see? Someone who’s gonna have their face broken because they didn’t have any water! –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: Becka Dash