Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Ditto

Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex-boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison–I pulled my groin muscle there–then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…? –B1 bus Overheard by: Justin Fores

Wednesday One-Liners Go Back to School

Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions! –FIT Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework! –46th between 7th & 8th Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose. –Bleecker & Mercer Overheard by: Kristin Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm. –Slainte, 1st & Bowery Overheard by: Genevieve Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age. –Columbia University Medical Center Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong. –Vanderbilt Hall, NYU Overheard by: The King Adrock

I Thought It Was a Finless Porpoise

College chick #1: It can’t be a muscle. It’s not a bicep.
College chick #2: Yeah, but the heart is a muscle, and the heart is an organ. It’s both.
College dude: It’s an organ. That’s why people always say, ‘He put his organ in her.’ [Passerby turns to look at them] See, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about this.

–50th St & Lex

Overheard by: Ben

. . . and the Wedding Is on Saturday

Dartmouth boy: This girl I used to work with wore too much eyeliner — She was from the Midwest, she has a smile only a horse could love, skips around with lots of boyfriends, threw a birthday party for her dog — you get the picture. So she’s an ugly Midwestern girl who works at Goldman Sachs in the Muni Department, it’s not even real banking… –Union Ave & Scholes, Williamsburg Overheard by: Columbia Girl Who Can’t Stop Laughing

Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non-U

Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.

–Hunter College High School

Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.

–J2 Deli, W 18th St

Overheard by: nick m

Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified".

–Yankees Stadium

Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me.

–Washington Square Park

Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: Looking for an apartment

Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Corey

Wednesday-One-Liners Head to Pound Town

Drinking college co-ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo-hoo!’

–60th & Amsterdam

Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.

–116th & Broadway

Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.

–Greenwich & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Artie

Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: biz

Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?

–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway

Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!

–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Peter Pecker

Well-dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.

–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Schroeder