Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You

College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!

–The Strand, Union Square

Overheard by: neongensis

I Thought It Was a Finless Porpoise

College chick #1: It can’t be a muscle. It’s not a bicep.
College chick #2: Yeah, but the heart is a muscle, and the heart is an organ. It’s both.
College dude: It’s an organ. That’s why people always say, ‘He put his organ in her.’ [Passerby turns to look at them] See, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about this.

–50th St & Lex

Overheard by: Ben

Also, Our Eyes aren’t Open as Wide

College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!

–Riverdale

Actually, I Only Have about Three Non-Beast Shots in Me

College guy #1: You know, the first five or six times a day it’s easy to just rub one out, but at, like, seven or eight you gotta start getting inventive.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: …What?
College guy #1: I mean, that’s when you gotta pull out the beastiality and shit to get it done.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: Oh my god, I’m going to need therapy. Can you stop speaking?

–Broadway near NYU

Overheard by: worried that they are our future