College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!
–The Strand, Union Square
Overheard by: neongensis
Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category
How to Die Alone and a Virgin
College guy #1: I really regret not having sex with a friend’s mom in high school. Remember Mike’s* mom?
College guy #2: She was so hot. Dude, I beat her in Monopoly… which, in my book, is far better than sex.
–14th & 7th
He Calls It ‘Insemidating’
College girl: I wish you had been there — everyone was so crazy.
College guy: Yeah, I wish I’d been there so I coulda impregnated you.
–13th & University Pl
Overheard by: Abby
I Have the Smallest Ericsson Ever!
Jock #1: Mine is five inches!
Jock #2: Hah! I got you beat! Mine is about four inches.
Jock #3: Yeah? Well, I beat both you dudes. Mine is only two inches!
–W 112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
I Thought It Was a Finless Porpoise
College chick #1: It can’t be a muscle. It’s not a bicep.
College chick #2: Yeah, but the heart is a muscle, and the heart is an organ. It’s both.
College dude: It’s an organ. That’s why people always say, ‘He put his organ in her.’ [Passerby turns to look at them] See, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about this.
–50th St & Lex
Overheard by: Ben
Rocky: Puke on the One in the Middle
Dude: Do you mean the guy you threw up on?
Chick: Yeah, but not the frat boy, the other one.
–Silver building, NYU
Also, Our Eyes aren’t Open as Wide
College chick #1: Have you ever noticed it always gets dark really early during this time of year?
College chick #2: Yeah, I noticed it, too. But I was thinking that since it’s generally cloudier in autumn and winter that it really isn’t dark out earlier, it’s just really cloudy.
College chick #1: Wow, that makes so much sense!
–Riverdale
Actually, I Only Have about Three Non-Beast Shots in Me
College guy #1: You know, the first five or six times a day it’s easy to just rub one out, but at, like, seven or eight you gotta start getting inventive.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: …What?
College guy #1: I mean, that’s when you gotta pull out the beastiality and shit to get it done.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: Oh my god, I’m going to need therapy. Can you stop speaking?
–Broadway near NYU
Overheard by: worried that they are our future
Is There Anything Julie Andrews Can’t Do?
Law student: I learned in my International Law class that diplomats can park wherever they want and not get ticketed.
Friend: You had to go to friggin’ law school to learn that? I learned that from The Princess Diaries.
–Dean & Deluca, SoHo
He Was Merely Trying to Help Them Through the Fence
College girl: So you’re a real farmer! What do you have? Cows, pigs, sheep…?
Long-haired guy in overalls: No, no — had to get rid of the sheep. They were all liars.
–D train
Overheard by: Murray