Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Mean It Like That

NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it. –NYU Overheard by: kat Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side. –Walgreens, Atlantic Ave Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck! –Szechuan Restaurant Overheard by: tallierand Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls. –Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows Overheard by: evan FM College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!" –USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze Father to younger son: So you like second base right? –Douglaston Market, Queens Overheard by: Noelle

It’s Still Better Than Maxim

Frat boy #1: I’ve been reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Dude, this book makes so much sense. I totally understand women now.
Frat boy #2: Yeah?
Frat boy #1: Yeah. This girl at work, she was all into me and shit and I totally cut her off, it was cold. She was so annoying. I really understand how to deal with women now. It explains all their games and translates what they’re saying.
Frat boy #2: So I’m reading this book about Transylvanian necrophiliacs… –1 Train Overheard by: Suzanne

Wednesday One-Liners, Plus Puerto Rico

Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!" –G Train Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas. –Tram to Roosevelt Island Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell! –38th & 2nd Ave Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge. –Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st. Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s. –43rd St between Madison & 5th Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California. –New York Public Library, 42nd St branch Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist girl to another: Oh my god, yes! Yeah, we’ll just walk back. Times Square is like a couple blocks away. –11th St Tourist, about Rent: Is this show always about Christmas time? Because I know there are some shows that they update for each season. –Nederlander Theatre Tourist lady: Tree! Where are you? –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Robert Tourist, navigating crowds: Oh my god! I, like, feel like Anne Frank. –49th & 8th Overheard by: Claustrophobic Tourist: Where’s a Duane What’s-his-nuts when you need it? –45th & 8th Overheard by: Ben Smith Tourist girl: … Are we in a dungeon? –Track 4, Penn Station

I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You

College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah! –The Strand, Union Square Overheard by: neongensis

Actually, I Only Have about Three Non-Beast Shots in Me

College guy #1: You know, the first five or six times a day it’s easy to just rub one out, but at, like, seven or eight you gotta start getting inventive.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: …What?
College guy #1: I mean, that’s when you gotta pull out the beastiality and shit to get it done.
College guy #2: Ha, ha — yeah, man.
College girl: Oh my god, I’m going to need therapy. Can you stop speaking? –Broadway near NYU Overheard by: worried that they are our future