Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Can I Have Your Autograph, Wednesday One-liners?

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter. –Music Box theatre, West 45th Street Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich. –C train Overheard by: nicolette Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin. –68th & Columbus Overheard by: Andrew Zar Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday. –Red Hook Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all. –52 & Lexington

I Think He’s a Latent Wednesday One-liner

Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner. –Organic Grill, 1st Avenue Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should. –F train Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off. –Union Square Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet? –TKTS, Duffy Square Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole! –15th & 3rd Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis. –West 4th Street station Overheard by: Rachel Adler Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it. –Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square

They Missed a Few in NYC

Columbia guy #1: It’s a small world.
Columbia guy #2: Yeah, especially when they killed six million of us. –Miller Theatre, Columbia University Lady: …yeah, but when they’re all being led into gas chambers again, they’ll be crying in their beer. –Miller Park, The Bronx Overheard by: Roisin Ni She Book guy: I don’t see that big swastika.
Girl: No, I don’t either. And that big swastika was going to be my dad’s birthday present. –Barnes & Noble, Astor Place Overheard by: Jon Zebraskey

Dating in NYC (2 Short Stories)

Punk girl: Ella really is kind of a whore for doing that to Brennan. Even if Brennan is a dickhead, she shouldn’t let him think she’s cheating on him. Why make yourself look like a whore if you’re really not?
Stylish girl: Yeah, you’re right. She’s just making herself look like a whore.
Punk girl: I wonder if Brennan is single. I’d like to hook up with him. –5th Ave. between 54th and 55th Overheard by: the rat Dancer: …and she’s like, 25, and has never been on a date! Ever!
Ballerino: No fucking way. Is she retarded?
Dancer: I don’t think so. I think she’s just obsessed with ballet.
Ballerino: Go figure. –Juilliard cafeteria