Archive for the ‘Yeaaahhh College!’ Category

Can I Have Your Autograph, Wednesday One-liners?

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter. –Music Box theatre, West 45th Street Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich. –C train Overheard by: nicolette Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin. –68th & Columbus Overheard by: Andrew Zar Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday. –Red Hook Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all. –52 & Lexington

They Missed a Few in NYC

Columbia guy #1: It’s a small world.
Columbia guy #2: Yeah, especially when they killed six million of us. –Miller Theatre, Columbia University Lady: …yeah, but when they’re all being led into gas chambers again, they’ll be crying in their beer. –Miller Park, The Bronx Overheard by: Roisin Ni She Book guy: I don’t see that big swastika.
Girl: No, I don’t either. And that big swastika was going to be my dad’s birthday present. –Barnes & Noble, Astor Place Overheard by: Jon Zebraskey

Dating in NYC (2 Short Stories)

Punk girl: Ella really is kind of a whore for doing that to Brennan. Even if Brennan is a dickhead, she shouldn’t let him think she’s cheating on him. Why make yourself look like a whore if you’re really not?
Stylish girl: Yeah, you’re right. She’s just making herself look like a whore.
Punk girl: I wonder if Brennan is single. I’d like to hook up with him. –5th Ave. between 54th and 55th Overheard by: the rat Dancer: …and she’s like, 25, and has never been on a date! Ever!
Ballerino: No fucking way. Is she retarded?
Dancer: I don’t think so. I think she’s just obsessed with ballet.
Ballerino: Go figure. –Juilliard cafeteria