Archive for the ‘Yoga’ Category

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully! –Ave B & 10th St Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son! –St. Marks Place Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird. –1st & 3rd Overheard by: Angela Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet! –7th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans! –CVS Overheard by: freshly brewed. Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common! –7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation! –Downtown D Train Overheard by: Raven

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Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex. –Barnes & Noble Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft. –9th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Smoking Student Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser. –Midtown Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match. –C Train Overheard by: evan White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like. –Chinatown Overheard by: Aileen

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It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles

Skinny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it happened. It’s one of those things you have nightmares about.
Skinny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t people know they shouldn’t eat for at least two hours before?
Skinny NYU girl #1: Duh, totally. Who farts in the middle of yoga class?
Skinny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to therapy for months. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Michelle Eisenberg

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Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it! –Queens Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls! –Brooklyn Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll! –96th St & Madison Ave Overheard by: Galatea Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet. –11th St & Broadway Overheard by: Bill Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room. –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

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You Get a Little Something Extra with a Wednesday One-Liner Education

Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something. –Columbia University Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step… –Columbia Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia. –Bikram Yoga, Harlem Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear? –Carman Hall, Columbia University Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading

Wednesday One-Liners Wanna See You Sweat!

Guy in courtyard, doing pelvic thrusts: Up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and… –NYU Dorm Girl to friends: Yeah, after he stopped doing yoga it all went downhill… –East Village Guy on cell, screaming: I'm a machine! I'm unstoppable! Who goes out till four in the morning and then destroys a triathlon the next day? I'm a machine! –91st St & York Ave 50-something yoga instructor: Bring attention to your reproductive organs, squeeze them as hard as you can, and release. Let them go, let them hang loose. –Yoga Studio Overheard by: Puff Conductor: I was watching the winter Olympics speed skating and I got to thinking about the summer Olympics. A New Yorker should win the 100 meter dash. All they have to do is put an open train door at the end of the track and start the race with "boop boop." You know that New Yorker is going to win the gold. Ya'll have a good day now. –A Train Overheard by: Commuter #1,792,824

Frankly, I Only Talk to You Because You Pay Me

Woman in therapy: So I don't know, I really liked her.
Therapist: Well, did you talk to her about it?
Woman: No, the bitch doesn't call me anymore, she does yoga now. We used to go to Star Trek conventions together, but she stopped talking to me. I don't even care about that bitch anymore.
Therapist: You know, she's not a bitch just because she doesn't want to talk to you!
Woman: Yes she is, I don't even care. –Forest Hills Overheard by: They need a sound machine