Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew. — Upper West Side
Yuppie girl: Are you sure? I thought it was pronounced “you-mor”.
Yuppie guy: No. It’s “humor”. Huh, huh, huh. With an “h”.
Yuppie girl: Really? I’ve heard people say that. I’ve heard people say “you-mor”. Who says it that way?
Yuppie guy: Assholes. –Bay Ridge Overheard by: Tim Noonan
Yuppie: Today was such an incredible day, I met Richard Branson, and…
Yuppie: Oh, Fabian, that’s why I love you so much.
–Broadway & 28th
Yuppie girl: I need to get an exfoliant. You know that weird rough patch on my face?
Yuppie guy: Yeah.
Yuppie girl: I had it for a few weeks and just realized it was dead skin cells.
Yuppie guy: Ew.
Yuppie girl: Yeah, I just thought it was dried spit.
–Whole Foods check-out line, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: bathed and exfoliated daily
Woman #1: Did you hear? We’re going into Iran.
Woman #2: Really? Why?
Woman #1: Dunno.
Woman #2: Wasn’t there, like, an earthquake there?
Woman #1: When? Recently?
Woman #2: Hmm.
Woman #1: Well, so much for our Princeton educations. –Madame X, Houston St. Overheard by: Djlindee
Yuppie: “And I thought, why are you climbing down a hole if you’re wearing a $2,500 shirt?” — Upper East Side
Asian schoolgirl to friend: So he says "you're a racist," and I'm like, "I can't be a racist, I'm a race!"
Overheard by: Squidocto
Fair-skinned Italian Long Island woman: So they both took a paper bag test, and passed.
–Barnes & Noble Cafe
Overheard by: a.j.w.
Yuppie Indian woman: In *my* culture, I'm not black.
Overheard by: mojbe
Ridiculously loud girl employee: Bobby! What's your ethnicity?
Overheard by: …not the only shocked observer
Eight-year old black kid to 20-something babysitter, about younger brother: He likes black girls, but I like white girls!
–Outside Delancey Station
A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'” — Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Yuppie #1: All you need to do is have sex with one girl at the start of the party, and then all the girls at the party will want to fuck you. It’s like invincibility!
Yuppie #2: That’s not invincibility! That’s much better.
–Outside Lorimer L train
Overheard by: Kevin
Yuppie guy #1: Well, they’re in that “Baby-Coma mood” for, like, the first, three or four months. You can basically plop ‘em down anywhere, and they just stay there. It’s cool.
Yuppie guy #2: But what if it starts wailin’?
Yuppie guy #1: Oh, then you give it to the wife. You just say, kinda sweet-like, “Someone wants his Mom-my.”
Yuppie guy #2: That works?
Yuppie guy #1: That’s what my brother-in-law said…But then again, he is divorced now. –Penn Station Overheard by: Rory J. Thompson