Asian yuppie: Now I don’t have to be possessive anymore. Instead, I rely on Jesus. –Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Yuppie: So I said to him, “But I’m a team player” and then he looked at me and said, “Yeah, my dog’s a team player” and ever since then, I’ve been trying to think of a witty comeback but I haven’t. – 6 Train
Yuppie #1: I really want a drink
Drunk Homeless man (to Yuppie #2): What are you reading?
Yuppie #2: I’m reading a book on sobriety.
Drunk Homeless man (looking over her shoulder): Oh
Yuppie #2: Yes, it’s also about drug additions..valium, etc.
Drunk Homeless man: Really that’s interesting – Union Square Park
20-something yuppie: As soon as I got my acceptances & rejections back, I realized what I should have realized before I even applied, of where I really wanted to go and what I really wanted to study. – Park Slope
Yuppie: “And I thought, why are you climbing down a hole if you’re wearing a $2,500 shirt?” – Upper East Side
A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!’” – Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Yuppie: I myself don’t watch porn, but I am told by trustworthy sources that at least two-thirds of all pornographic movies have no artistic value. – Lower East Side
Young Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew. – 6th Avenue, West Village
Yuppie: “Is Freddie Prinze Jr. Harry Connick Jr.’s son?” – Streetcorner in Midtown
Yuppie #1: Yesterday we had a strike at Dow Jones.
Yuppie #2: What was it about?
Yuppie #1: Oh, union stuff.
Yuppie #2: What did you do?
Yuppie #1: Well, we all just took a 15-minute lunch break at the same time. It was less a “strike” and more a “coordinated lunch break.” – F train to Brooklyn