Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Headline Contest Winners All Categories > Headline Contest Winners
Recent | Best Of
She Learned Her Lesson from the "You Kids Like Rape?" Guy
Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um... Is that a trick question?
--Union Square
Headline by: MrCandey
Runners-Up:
· "Because I Only Trick for Cocaine" - ToddS
· "Like "Find America on a Map?" - Krisztina
· "Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?" - gib
· "No, but Speak Closer to My Tie..." - Danny the Mullins
· "Worst Narc Ever" - samson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And He Always Explodes Too Soon
Cute blonde: So, I thought I might like him, and we went on some fun dates, but then he shaved his head and now I can't go out with him.
Friend: Wait -- what's wrong with him shaving his head?
Cute blonde: Well, nothing in theory, but now he looks like a terrorist.
--116th & Broadway
Overheard by: uptown girl
Headline by: Sarah K
Runners-Up:
· "...Or Ghandi, Whichever." - Johnny
· "And He Wants Me to Call Him Britney in Bed" - Sim Etrias
· "And the Anthrax in His Apartment Is No Picnic Either" - Naked Lunch
· "Oh, Whew... I Thought You Said, "tourist"" - Rhadamanthus
· "Plus, I Wouldn't Qualify As One Of His 72 Virgins" - MarioRPG
· "Racial Profiling Is So Hot Right Now" - Fran
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
But after a While, I'd Tell Him I Was Dieting
Teen girl #1: What if chocolate came out of dicks?
Teen girl #2: Well, then I'd pay him five dollars!
--Union Square
Headline by: MarioRPG
Runners-Up:
· "A Fine Example Of a Win-win Situation" - mike
· "I'm a Dick and Chocolate Comes Out Of Me About Twice a Day." - Redneck Jedi
· "R. Kelly Trains 'Em Young" - haz
· "We Could Stop Renting Those Party Fountains" - Golf Widow
· "Willy Wonka's Splendifferous Splooge" - MiaMiaPantsonFia
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Mother Nature Gets Her Period
Woman #1: Don't step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don't come to Manhattan -- all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
--Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· "But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk" - Naked Lunch
· "Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan's Welcome Mat" - Kristin
· "In Jersey We Don't Have to Put Up with This Crap" - PeterG
· "There's Nothing a New Yorker Won't Hate" - Volante
· "This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker." - sweetchuck
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Enough to Be Greedy, but Not Enough to Feel Guilty about It
Chick #1: Sometimes I wonder if my Jewishness has more to do with living in New York.
Chick #2: I totally know what you mean. Like, how Jewish would we be in California?
--7th St, between 1st & Ave A
Headline by: Kevin
Runners-Up:
· "Fantastic Goyage" - j3rry
· "I Think More Than Madonna, Less Than Jesus" - alex gherardi
· "Like, Do These Tefillin, Like, Make My Wig Look Fat?" - Herbie McHebrew
· "Putting the El-Al in LA" - kerm
· "We Still Wouldn't Swallow, but We'd Spit Cooler" - RaindanceRichard
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
It's All Fun and Games Until He Drives the Bus into the River
Bus driver: Next stop: 60th Street, transfer to the four, five, six or the N/R. Sixtieth Street and Bloomingdales, next stop... Hi, everyone -- I'd like to take this red light to thank you for joining us on this, the one hundred and fifteenth run of the M103 bus. Now, I know some of you have had bad days at school, work, church, et cetera, but please don't bring that home to your loved ones. Leave all your stress on the bus, and I'll toss it into the East River for you when we pass it. [Applause.]
Middle-aged woman: Well, that was nice of him!
--M103 bus, 3rd Ave
Or Ugly People... Still You.
Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.
--The Met store
Overheard by: akka
Headline by: Stretchen
Runners-Up:
· "Definetely In The Friend Zone" - Dion
· "Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device" - Megan
· "No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright" - punk'd
· "That's It. I'm Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You." - laladypoet
· "They Help Catch the Drool" - Dan
· "Well That's the Last He'll See Of the Sagging Sisters" - L
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I, Uh... Know?
Male hockey fan: I swear -- if he shows me his ass one more time...
Female hockey fan: I know!
Male hockey fan: Seriously, I've seen the inside of his colon.
--33rd & 7th
Headline by: Rhys Southan
Runners-Up:
· "And Trust Me, It's Not All It's Cracked Up to Be" - Mike N
· "But I Had to Pay Extra" - Anna
· "Giuliani's Clean Bill Of Health Proves Not to Be Factor with Voters" - Jatmos
· "Now Let's Take Off These Rubber Gloves and Go to the Game" - Julie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
But Thanks Anyway for Paying to Have the Teeth in My Vagina Straightened
20-something girl, bawling: It's not funny! I turn boys gay, Dad.
--Aroma Cafe
Headline by: shudder
Runners-Up:
· "A Father's Dream Comes True" - 6th Floor Blogger
· "Put Other Daddy on the Phone!" - KJM
· "There Are No Strap-Ons Without Consequences" - Captain Hetero
· "There, There, Liza. It'll Be Okay." - Howard Bannister
· "Worst Super Power Ever" - Cricket
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
That's Code for, "I'm Lost, Too"
Man: Excuse me, could you tell me where--
Biotech, interrupting: --Look, I don't have time to make up fake directions.
--W Broadway
Headline by: Trey Jackson
Runners-Up:
· "And This Rudeness Is Two Seconds Of My Life I'll Never Get Back" - Markle
· "And, Being a New Yorker, I Certainly Won't Give You Real Ones" - Yana
· "Mapquest's Employee Of the Month" - Claire
· "Or The Knowledge for Real Ones" - DIck
· "So Take a Left Over There" - emily bess
· "Take a Cab. Be Sure You Tell the Driver You're from Out Of Town." - jnr
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Shouldn't Have Laughed So Hard at the Poor People
JAP halting mid-stride: Wait a sec... Why are my pants wet?!
--82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: my boyfriend is a grizzly bear
Headline by: John
Runners-Up:
· "And Who Dropped That Baby?" - trade800
· "Bob the Urinating Hobo Ninja Strikes Again" - Darryl S.
· "Did A Bag Of Money Just Walk By?" - Jolly
· "The Joys Of Unknown Pregnancy Coming Full Term" - The Lazy Canadian
· "This Eventually Happens to Every New Yorker" - Dagre
· "Was Too Busy Shopping to Be Toilet Trained" - G
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Mr. Logic No Longer Tries to Give Advice in Person, Ever Since Ms. Hormones Severed Mr. Johnson
Man on phone: Nicole, Nicole, you're wrong. Why don't you calm down and listen to Mr. Logic? Mr. Logic says...
--Office, Midtown
Overheard by: Trouble
Headline by: JohnnyB
Runners-Up:
· "... You Probably Had Herpes Before You Met Me." - KJM
· "...maybe Dating a Writer for Sesame Street Wasn't Such a Good Idea." - df
· "It Won't Do Any Good If She Can't Actually SEE the Hand Puppet." - Zenece
· "Now Tom, That Only Works on Katie..." - Lindsey
· "Worst Penis Name, Ever." - Jim C.
· "You're 8 Months Pregnant, Birth Control May Be Moot" - Rose
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Went to NYC and All I Got Was This Rash
Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]
Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e'rybody!
--4 train
Overheard by: Not Me
Headline by: VeggieGirl
Runners-Up:
· "As If We Need to Import That or Something" - gib
· "I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake" - Ken H.
· "Reader Survey: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!" - Fleetline
· "She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa." - Redneck Jedi
· "Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle" - The Heiress
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
She Should Be Making Baskets and Babies
Woman in traditional African attire, on phone: That girl don't do nothin' but make money!
--47th & 6th
Overheard by: kate
Headline by: T Perk
Runners-Up:
· "AND Her Clitoris Is Still Attached, the Bitch!" - s h
· "Actually, It's Babies, but After They're Sold, Same Difference" - M
· "Oprah's International Press Agent" - PeterG
· "She Should Be Popping Out Her 10th Kid by Now!" - steph
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Jesus Will Try Anything to Impress Us These Days
Man: The one time I bought a steak from here I left it out and it turned all brown.
Cashier: Yeah?
Man: Yeah... But then the next time I just put it in my pocket and it stayed good all day.
--D'Agastino
Overheard by: kimmy-yo
Headline by: Gaping MAW
Runners-Up:
· "Don't Ask Where He Keeps the A-1..." - the horologist
· "Gives a Whole New Meaning to Meat-packing" - Gosia
· "He Said, As He Pulled Out His Penis." - Allan
· "I Got a T-Bone in My Pocket with Your Name on It" - Marc Bernard
· "My Crotch Always Has a Chilling Effect" - Rhys Southan
· "Worst Pickup Artist Ever" - smittie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
How Seacrest Saved Britney
Girl: Ugh! Can I hang myself with your tie, please?
Guy: No! I love this tie!
--110th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Chrissy
Headline by: axc
Runners-Up:
· "But Here's a Shoelace. And a Gun. And Some Pills..." - Laura
· "But I'm So Over This Kitchen Knife..." - Rod W
· "It's Hard Getting That "Desparate Chick" Smell Out Of Your Laundry" - Dagre
· "It's Not Like I'm Taking It with Me..." - mo
· "Lives Come and Go, But Argyle Is Forever" - Patrick
· "Use This Noose I Hate." - pbump
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Give It Up, Y'all, for J-Naz and the A-posse of Twelve
Puerto Rican girl: You know what my mother always says? 'Jesus danced, Jesus drank, or else why would we make a wine out of him?'
Haitian guy: Amen! Hallelujah!
Black girl: Jesus wanted us to get down with it.
--Brooklyn College
Headline by: jason daniel
Runners-Up:
· "Resurrection Red, Walks on Water White, or Virgin Birth Blush?" - Fred
· "Shake This, For This Is My Booty" - Meredith
· "Suffer the Blunts and 40s to Come Unto Me" - likeitornot
· "What CAN'T That Nigga Do?" - Joeritos
· "Word. (of the Lord)" - Janet E
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Let's Hope She Finds the Coathangers Next Time
Chick changing baby on bedding display: Do we need to buy this pillow now?
Hubby: Did he shit on it?
Chick: I don't think.
Hubby, smelling pillow: S'all good.
Chick, holding dirty diaper and wipes: Where's that shelf with the trash cans?
--Target, Queens
Headline by: Redneck Jedi
Runners-Up:
· "Mentioning Britney Spears Would Just Be Too Easy" - chelsea
· "Over There, Under the Security Cameras" - Katy
· "Over by That Sense Of Decency You Apparently Can't Afford." - Beryl
· "The New York Native Living Off The Land" - harris
· "Wait.. for the Baby or the Diaper..?" - Mike N.
· "Where Do They Think They Are? WalMart?" - Bill
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I'll Make a Toast with My 40 and Put a Cap in Your Ass with My .38
Son: I wasn't talking about drinking champagne.
Mom: You don't know anything. You make a toast with champagne, not 40s!
--Bushwick
Overheard by: Cait O'Connor
Headline by: Hobo Whisperer
Runners-Up:
· "Miss Manners Said So" - John
· "Not According to "Martha Stewart's Bronx Living", Mom" - Gabbertoons
· "Parenting on the Rocks?" - crystal
· "Shows What You Know About the Elite and Enviable Life Of the Fratboy." - danielle
· "Spike Lee Fights the Power" - glenntronic
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
You Tell Me -- He's Right There Next to the Tuna
Fish guy: Yeah, my dad died of colon cancer in 2001.
Blonde: Oh, how's he doing?
--Grocery store, Astoria
Overheard by: Dustin
Headline by: Mr. Gee
Runners-Up:
· "'Great Listener' Is On Her Resumee" - Denny
· "Decomposing Quite Nicely, Thank You for Asking" - RBNY
· "I'd Say His Condition Is Stable" - Tadzio
· "Rolling Over About Now" - Kaitlen
· "Rotting, No Doubt" - Katy
· "Well, Mom Won't Share a Bed with Him Anymore." - Cassie
· "Worst Pick-up, Best Blow-off" - halfknot
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Then I Can't Help You because You're Not Real
Brit: Hello, my HSBC debit card isn't working at the ATM. The bank probably thinks there's fraudulent activity since I'm in America and not in England.
Teller: Okay, I'll check it out... I can't seem to find your account, sir. What's your social security number?
Brit: Huh?
Teller: Your social security number -- do you not have one?
Brit: No...
Teller: Hmmm. Okay...
--HSBC, 40th & 5th
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Headline by: have SSS #, am real
Runners-Up:
· "...Then Please Sing the National Anthem." - pbump
· "How About Your Penis Size, Then?" - Mikey G.
· "I've Contacted Homeland Security. Enjoy Syria." - Daniel Patterson
· "Okay I Need You to Fill Out IRS Form W-7 and Apply for a Tax Id Number and Then Come Back to This Counter in 4-6 Months." - Ty
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Only for Catholics
Teen: That guy is jerkin' it right there in public!
Mother: Look away. He just has a disease.
Teen: What? So chronic masturbation is a disease now?
--42nd St subway
Overheard by: come again?
Headline by: gerard
Runners-Up:
· "Cause Dad Said Its a Cure for Fat Wife Syndrome" - angelica cayne
· "Come Again?" - Mary Beth
· "Ironically, NOT Healed by Laying on Of Hands" - JohnnyB
· "Momma Don't Know Jack." - jason daniel
· "No. I Was Referring To The Pus Pockets On The Head Of His Penis." - Redneck Jedi
· "There's Even a 12 Stroke Program" - Grantakerous
· "We're Tivoing _That_ Telethon!" - Vera Vaughan Hough
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene
Chick: I just don't really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra...
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don't think I'm going to do that anymore.
--Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick
Overheard by: Erin
Headline by: TWWS
Runners-Up:
· "But I'm Still Wearing My Swastika Thong." - Craig should be working
· "Do I, Uh, Know You?" - clash
· "I Didn't Hear Anything but 'bra'" - 6th Floor Blogger
· "I'll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead" - Katie
· "Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me" - Rottin' in Denmark
· "Topless It Is" - Sean McGurr
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I'll Trade You Three Holes for Three Holes
Girl: I'll have a dozen bagels.
Bagel guy: I can't pass up on this opportunity. I have to tell you that you're really cute.
Girl: [Blushes.]
Bagel guy: Do you know what the difference between cute and not cute is?
Girl: ... Nooo, what?
Bagel guy: Three bagels. [Hands girl 15 bagels.]
--Jumbo Bagels, 57th & 2nd
Overheard by: paid full price
Headline by: Billy Splatts!
Runners-Up:
· "Beauty's in the Eye Of the Bagelholder" - JoAnne
· "Don't Ask How I Made the Holes" - Duncan Pflaster
· "Funny, That Also Used to Be a Weight Watchers Slogan" - 2bagelscute
· "It's Also the Difference Between Employed and Not Employed" - Caro
· "O! She Doth Teach The Toasters To Burn Bright" - Paul
· "That's Funny Because That's Also The Difference Between A Handjob And A Blowjob." - BG
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wait... a Squirrel?
Drunk guy: You know, in my next life time I want to be either reincarnated into a squirrel or into a tiny Mexican.
Drunk girl: What?! Why a tiny Mexican? Why not a tiny Asian or Caucasian?
Drunk guy: 'Cause tiny Mexicans are awesome! They're always funny, fit into small places, they work their asses off, and I can grow a cool mustache and get away with it! Why wouldn't you want to be a tiny Mexican?!
--53rd & 9th
Overheard by: Javier
Headline by: R. Dilla
Runners-Up:
· "Because I Might Get Sucked Into the Leaf-blower" - bobofthejungle
· "Cause It's Hard to Find Tiny Sombreros for Your Tiny Pepe" - Ninja Donkey
· "Plus I'd Get to Ride the Taco Bell Dog" - bob fredson
· "Plus Immigrating Via UPS Would Cost Less" - Ty
· "Regular-Sized INS Agents?" - nick
· "Yeah, but Guess What Else Is Tiny..." - Katy
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
It's Still Not Going to Convince the U.S. Government to Make Them a Real State.
Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like 'Irving'? Hi, my name's Irving... That's fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.
--4 train
Overheard by: Oy-ving
Headline by: not irving
Runners-Up:
· "Anyway, I Be Seein' You, LaQuan." - Mysteron
· "At Least He Can Pronounce His" - Krisztina
· "Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger" - cda
· "Don't You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?" - Karyn
· "Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla." - Gunther
· "Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny..." - BG
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Jesus Never Was Popular at Temple
Little boy, in silent temple: Hey, Jews! [Five minutes later] Oh, man, I just farted!
--Queens
Overheard by: Mo and Mell
Headline by: haz
Runners-Up:
· "And Moses Said to the Israelities: Pull My Finger" - Luddite
· "Little Hitler's First Attempt at Gassing Jews...." - Allison Brown-Hancock
· "The Day the Jews Told Jesus to Make His Own Religion" - Alice
· "Would a Gas Chamber Joke Be Over the Line?" - wilkeson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It's the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people...
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don't count!
--6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· "Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti" - madfigs
· "Just Like Proper Grammar." - Jo
· "The Original 'I Have a Dream' Speech..." - Rahul Advani
· "White People: They Can Do That?" - Kiki Malibu
· "White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing" - s h
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Back Home We Have Camps for People Like You!
Angry European husband: Listen, you take American currency, don't you? We can pay US cash! That's money!
Clerk: Sir, the sign says credit, debit or gift card only. We can't accept money at this counter. You have to go to the other side.
Angry European husband: This is bullshit. You don't accept money? You're a liar who doesn't know English! I see everyone here paying money at this counter!
Clerk: Sir, we can't take money at this counter. No cash. No money. Just cards.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You're so stupid!
Clerk: Alright. Bye, have a nice day. Next.
Angry European wife: Shut up! You're so stupid! Learn English before you get a job here!
--Century 21 across from WTC
Headline by: snarls
Runners-Up:
· "Any Wonder They've Starteed Two World Wars Was Immediately Dispatched" - Ty
· "Charles & Camilla Charmed Everyone During Their Visit" - Zoot, Just Zoot
· "Go Back To Whatever Country I Came From" - Kevin P
· "God, I HATE Being Trapped in This Stupid Visa Commercial!" - Never Carries Cash
· "It's Getting Difficult To Tell The Tourists From Natives" - Trey Jackson
· "La Vengeance Est Douce: or How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Love America" - noon
· "The American Meltdown Pot" - Qasar
· "Whose Line Was That, Anyway?" - Marie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Either That or a Nazi Jew
14-year-old black boy: Can we get off this block? I hate this block! I hate cops!
11-year-old black boy: Why?
14-year-old black boy: Because it's in black people's nature to hate cops.
11-year-old black boy, after long pause: So, you want to be a cop?
--123rd & 8th
Overheard by: Tanya
Headline by: kai
Runners-Up:
· "And Before the Session's Over Let's Talk About How You Hate Yo Momma 'cause She So Fat." - JohnnyB
· "Fuck It. You Wanna Play Robbers and Robbers?" - La Libertad
· "If They Can Beat You, Join 'em" - Sim Etrias
· "Look What It Did for Ice T" - Otter
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
UN Negotiators Don't Have the Tact They Used To
Vendor to lady haggling in Chinese: We're not Chinese -- we're Vietnamese. Fuck off.
--Canal St
Overheard by: tj
Headline by: Chris
Runners-Up:
· "Don't Make Me Shank You" - Joeritos
· "Even They Can't Tell Each Other Apart." - marko
· "Everyone's a Rittle Bit Lacist" - Mikey G.
· "The Melting Pot Is Full" - Ecc
· "You Say Tǔ Dòu (potato) and I Say Khoai Tây (po-tah-to)" - H2
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
If It Means You Need Your Insulin, Blink Twice
Five-year-old: Ella, ella, ella, ella, ella, ella...
Suit dad: Alright, look! I don't know what that means, but if it's a bad word I want you to stop saying it!
--F train, 23rd St
Overheard by: EmLo
Headline by: Lou P.
Runners-Up:
· "Don't Fucking Sensor Me, Daddy" - burnt toast
· "Gwen Stefani, Age Five, No Doubt." - kerm
· "I'm Going to Keep Saying My Name Until You Learn It, Daddy" - Kate
· "Stick to Words I Know, Like "Cock-fag" or "Yankees"" - Louis
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
So You're Saying You Won't Give Me a Blowjob?
Man: So, you think I can't understand because I don't have a vagina?
Lesbo: Don't sit like that!
Man: What do you mean?
Lesbo: You're crossing your legs so condescendingly!
--Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Overheard by: Lemma
Headline by: Manbo
Runners-Up:
· "Almost Enough to Make Up for You Lack Of Vagina" - John Gray
· "I'm Just Jealous Because Mine Are Too Fat to Cross That Perfectly" - shenanigans
· "I'm Just Protecting My Tool Of Oppression." - robs
· "Well You're Waving Your Vagina Condescendingly" - burnt toast
· "Worst Yoga Class Ever" - benji
· "Yeah, Well Tell Your Nipples to Quit Pointing at Me" - pw
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
So I Can Hit Them Up for Some Change
Jewish guy, to young white couple: Excuse me, are you Jewish?
Hobo: Man, do they fucking look Jewish?! Leave them the fuck alone, and get the hell outta here!
--9th & 2nd
Overheard by: 54
Headline by: Michael DeLong
Runners-Up:
· "Go Circumcise Somebody Else!" - John
· "Jesus Returns to Do Some Street Work" - Sim Etrias
· "Let My People Go, Bitch!" - jenna
· "Moses Had Such A Temper" - Dion
· "Sorry, Didn't Notice He Was Short One Foreskin." - Sheathed
· "Where Can I Get a Hobo Bodyguard?" - Ashley
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I Was Talking to Dave
Girl: There's no way that dog's mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It's true. Dogs' mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you'd be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I'll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.
--Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Wrong place right time
Headline by: Jon A.
Runners-Up:
· "At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman." - KMW
· "Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit" - SAtCW
· "I'm Not Hearing a "No"" - x halloween jack x
· "My Two Dads: 2007" - SAtCW
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
So Get Off My Foot and Find Things That Actually Deserve to Be Crushed
Angry, sweaty man pushing through crowd: Come on, move in! There's a lot of room in the middle!
Calm man: There's also a lot of dreams in this world.
--2 train, 34th St
Overheard by: mf
Headline by: CVK
Runners-Up:
· "The Buddha Grows Up" - Barry P.
· "Both Require That Someone Else Gives a Fuck" - Rick Felice
· "Crowds to the Left Of Me, Dreamers to the Right, Here I Am" - Golf Widow
· "The Alternative Martin Luther King Speech" - Peter Madsen
· "Well, Get Them the Hell Out Of My Way!" - Jo
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Barbara Bush Is So Fucking Self-righteous
Little girl seeing naked cowgirl: Mommy, how come I can see that lady's boobies?
Mommy: Well, she's letting everybody know it's okay to breast feed.
--46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chadwick Vogel
Headline by: mbobbinson
Runners-Up:
· "...for Tips" - Melissa
· "And Why Did Daddy Just Walk Into a Pole?" - TJ
· "Her Thong Lets Everyone Know Tips Are Appreciated" - Dangello
· "How Come I Can See Her Vagina?" - Peter Madsen
· "Later, She'll Ride the Mechanical Bull and Serve Us Milkshakes" - Dawn Elizabeth
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Plus, She's Deaf. And German.
Man: I'm thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife's grandmother.
Lady: That's cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don't think I will. She's old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.
--E 19th & Park Ave South
Headline by: boyhowdy
Runners-Up:
· "Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex" - Trey Jackson
· "But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing..." - wvs
· "Come to Think Of It, Maybe We'll Stop Feeding Her, Too." - Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· "He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live" - Gaijin
· "Man, Fuck Old People." - RaRa
· "She Can't Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife's 14." - RaRa
· "THAT'S for Pearl Harbor" - Daniel Patterson
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
What's This "We" Shit?
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· "I Can't Beat You With Those" - Digeridude
· "I Meant for the Baby." - thisdaydreamer
· "Shall I Preheat Them For You?" - Mike Curry
· "They're in the Diaper Bag" - Bri
· "Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!" - Pozo
Click here to see the new Headline Contest