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That's Code for, "I'm Lost, Too"
Man: Excuse me, could you tell me where--
Biotech, interrupting: --Look, I don't have time to make up fake directions.
--W Broadway
Headline by: Trey Jackson
Runners-Up:
· "And This Rudeness Is Two Seconds Of My Life I'll Never Get Back" - Markle
· "And, Being a New Yorker, I Certainly Won't Give You Real Ones" - Yana
· "Mapquest's Employee Of the Month" - Claire
· "Or The Knowledge for Real Ones" - DIck
· "So Take a Left Over There" - emily bess
· "Take a Cab. Be Sure You Tell the Driver You're from Out Of Town." - jnr
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
After Twelve Years of Marriage, It's No Longer Exotic
Intellectual white guy: Happy Cinco de Mayo!
White hipster girl: Thanks! Did I mention I fucked a black guy last night?
--Penn Station
Overheard by: J Dizzle, attorney at large
Right Before I Bought Your Soul... Remember?
Student: Now I don't know if this is something I thought of or if Satan said it.
Professor: Actually I said it last class.
--Columbia lit class
Overheard by: I can see why you were confused
That's Only If the Baby's Still Alive
Girl #1: It's not good to flush the toilet while you're in the stall.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because then everything that's in the toilet... jumps out.
Girl #2: Ewww.
--Ladies' room, Columbia University
And, by the Way, 'Grammatically Correctly' Is Needlessly Redundant
Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: "I be trying" isn't ungrammatical. It's standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.
--A train
Wednesday One-liners Watch House
Professor guy: So I got one of those magnets for headaches, right? It works pretty good, except when I attach it to my steering wheel it changes the radio station every time I turn a corner.
--Fordham University elevator, Lincoln Center
That's Just Where His Ideas Went
Girl: When you were talking about Saddam Hussein, it reminded me of Osama bin Laden. Wasn't he born here or something?
Professor lady: No...
Girl: Then he grew up here?
Professor: No...
College girl: Oh, right! He came here to go to an Ivy League, didn't he?
--Tisch Hall, West 4th Street
Technically, It is Literally "Like" a Month
Professor guy: Okay everyone, I will see you in 3 weeks. Have a good Thanksgiving!
Girl #1: 3 weeks, that's awesome!
Girl #2: I know...3 weeks, that's like a month!!
Girl #1: Literally.
--Meyer Hall, Washington Place
Overheard by: pieces
Because Then You're No Better Than the Students
Professor guy: What is "piecemeal legislation"?
Dude: Um...
Professor guy: Well, define the term "piecemeal".
Dude: I'm not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: ...Why don't I just commit suicide right now?
--NYU, University & 8th
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
