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So Close I Got Squeezed out and Ended up Here
Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say 'Hi'?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That's like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?
--OMG store, Soho
Overheard by: Larry Liou
I Tune Out When I Hear "Paris Hilton," Too
Asian guy #1: Paris Hilton. When you're walking out of an elevator and you see Paris Hilton, it's like you're starstruck.
Asian guy #2: Yeah. [They exit.]
Middle-aged woman: Yadda, yadda, yadda.
--Elevator, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rita and Laura
So His Puppetmasters Would Have Us Believe
Asian chick #1: Don't the Democrats want war?
Asian chick #2: Ummm... What?!
Asian chick #1: Oh... Wait... George Bush is a Republican?!
--Queens College
Overheard by: Sharon Sloan
You're Very Polite for a White Devil
Little white boy: Trick or treat?
Asian employee: Here you go.
Little white boy: Thank you, Chinese! Thank you, Chinese!
--Saint Alps Teahouse
Not in the Same Way That You Have One, Though
Young Asian man to Asian woman with baby, while touching baby's foot: She is so soft. Does she have bones yet?
Asian mom: Yes, she has bones!
--L train
Overheard by: Lisa
I Thought That Was Self-Pity
Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You're, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you're tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It's the Irish curse.
--4th & 8th
Overheard by: knows what she means
Why There Are So Many Chubby Lesbians
Hot chick: Ohhh, shit! They sell Choco Tacos!
Asian dude: I want to eat a Choco Taco pussy.
Hot chick: Hahaha! Me, too!
--Blockbuster, Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Incredible Hulk
Always an Issue with Arm's-Length Relationships
Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt... It's pretty bad when you can't keep track of all the people you've jerked off.
--Union Square
Or Maybe That's Only When Your Dad's a Sex Addict...
Half-Asian girl: Yeah, somehow when you're Asian, you're related to everybody.
Confused guy: Really?
--29th & 9th
Overheard by: Jesse
It's the Mexico of Asia
Old white man: I didn't know they had cockfights in Korea.
Young Asian guy: Yep, sure do.
--1 train
The Planet Responsible for New York Minute? Ew.
Nerd: So, seriously, where are you from?
Weary Asian hipster girl: Earth.
--Outside Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Overheard by: can't wait to use that one
Those White People All Look Alike to Me
Asian girl #1: Like, I mean, I was totally in love with him.
Asian girl #2: Yeah, but didn't you sleep with his brother?
Asian girl #1, after long pause: Yeah, I slept with his brother.
--N train
Why Stop There?
Asian girl #1: We can pretend you're a celeb -- claim to be Lucy Lui's cousins or something.
Asian girl #2: I used to be able to pass for Michelle Kwan... Don't know how much of a celeb she is, though. People have asked for my autograph. I looked much more like her when I was younger.
Asian girl #1: Oh my god, I would sell your kid pics on eBay if I had no conscience.
--6th Ave & Waverly Pl
Overheard by: christine y0
Okay, Now You Can Go
Fat guy: Just because you have a bus pass doesn't mean you can go to the liquor store while I wait.
Small Asian girlfriend: Here, have a devil dog.
--Grand & Greene Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: megan m
Oh, Sorry! I'll Just Go Fuck Myself Now
30-ish white lady: You're doing push-ups?
20-ish Asian girl, taking off headphones: Yes...
30-ish white lady: Why?
20-ish Asian girl: Um...
30-ish white lady: Do you do karate or Tae Kwon Do?
20-ish Asian girl: No...
30-ish white lady: But you're Asian.
20-ish Asian girl: Yeah...
30-ish white lady: Why don't you do Asian sports?
20-ish Asian girl: What?!
30-ish white lady: Have you always stuck with American sports or have you ever tried anything Asian?
20-ish Asian girl: What?
30-ish white lady: Where are you from?
20-ish Asian girl: Manhattan. [Puts headphones back on.]
--New York Sports Club, Crowne Plaza
I'm in No Position to Find Her Morally Objectionable
Frumpy Asian guy: She's a Hitler-lover.
Tall Aryan guy: I don't care about the Hitler-lover thing as long as she's hot. [High fives are exchanged.]
--Fordham University Rose Hill, Bronx
You White People -- That's Your Answer for Everything
Asian girl: I should totally be on that white rapper show on TV.
White girl, sincerely: Oh, yeah! Just, like... change your skin!
--R train
Overheard by: Dani
We Don't Have to Make a Fuss about Our Origins
Black 12-year-old boy: Are you Japanese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: Ummm, no...
Black 12-year-old boy: Oh... Chinatownese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: What?
Black 12-year-old boy: Taiwa-- I mean, Taiwanese? Thailandonian?
Asian 20-year-old guy: No. I'm American.
--72nd St station
Overheard by: Dave Carpenter
A Courier Will Deliver Further Instructions
Chubby Asian girl: I just don't know, Dani* -- if you start out giving him head, I don't see what I'm supposed to do.
Ghetto girl: You s'posed to shut the fuck up and eat my pussy, bitch.
Chubby Asian girl: Oh, okay.
--Starbucks, St. Mark's Pl
Why the Fashion Police Keep Emergency Suspenders in Their Squad Cars
Asian boy: Why are you wearing a belt over your shirt?
Asian girl: I don't know. I like the way it looks.
Asian boy: Belts are supposed to hold your pants up. It can't hold anything up if it's over your shirt.
Asian girl: It's fashion, okay?! My god!
Asian boy: ... I hope your pants fall down!
--Stuyvesant High
Overheard by: she was wearing a skirt
You'll Forgive Me If I Don't Take That As a Compliment
Asian girl, after falling down: Ouch! My knee!
Suit: That is the hottest thing I've seen all week.
--45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Lena L.
Fine, Get All Master Po on Me
Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don't you?
--Main St
Yeah, because He's Totally Dominican
Asian chick #1: Yeah, my dad is mad tan, so at the beach everyone thinks he's Mexican.
Asian chick #2: Oh, that sucks.
--Queens
Talking about Labor Law Is Right Up There with Diaper Play
Hot Asian chick: Oh, I feel so sexually frustrated right now!
Dude: Oh my god, I can totally help you out with that! You could even call me Mark!
Hot Asian chick: And could we talk about labor law afterwards?
Dude: Anything!
Hot Asian chick: Don't embarrass yourself, Chad.
--113th & Broadway
Overheard by: she can call me anything too
At the Gape Pride Parade
Hispanic guy: I can't believe it.
Southeast Asian guy: What?
Tan guy: Yeah, what?
Hispanic guy: How dilated my ass is!
Southeast Asian guy: I believe it -- I was there.
--23rd & 9th
Overheard by: nate honeycut
All Wednesday One-Liners and No Action
Dude to woman: You can't talk about the second dimension, but you can talk about sewing?!
--12th & 4th
Overheard by: Joy
Asian woman to boyfriend: I am not going to talk about having a threesome with you and your clone on the train!
--Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Ann
Chick on cell: ... Talking about the apocalypse, but they were really laid back people.
--Barnard College
Lady: I can't even talk to you for seven minutes, and you're about to be my husband!
--Union Square
Overheard by: Cody Lister
Woman on cell: I know you're full of muscle relaxants and want to chat, but I can't talk right now. Just take a picture of it and email it to me.
--57th & 6th
Overheard by: Withnail
Girl: Oh! Funny story -- I was talking to my therapist about suicide yesterday...
--13th & 6th
Overheard by: gigglesnort
Fidelity's a Survival Strategy
Asian guy: Also, Freddie Mercury didn't deserve to die.
Black guy: I'm okay with him dead. He was gay, he fucked around, he had AIDS -- he deserved to die.
Asian guy: So, you are saying that people who sleep around too much deserve to die? I sleep around. Do I deserve to die?
Black guy: ... Yes.
--E train
Overheard by: Ting
Clearly You've Never Tasted Lead Paint
Stoned Asian #1: I don't know, man. My buddy used to do that all the time and he's got, like, three brain cells left.
Stoned Asian #2: Dude, I don't care. All I know is if it's bad for you, it must be hella-good!
--Astor Pl
Mine's in a Secret Abdominal Compartment
Asian princess: #1: You know what's annoying?
Asian princess: #2: What?
Asian princess: #1: When, like, people carry, like, two bags.
Asian princess: #2: Oh my god, I know! Like, when they have their school bag and then their coach bag...
Asian princess: #1: Totally! It's like, sooo annoying.
Asian princess: #2: Yeah! That's why I put my bag in my school bag.
--Q11 bus
None of Those Hand-Me-Down Genes for Me
Asian nerd #1: ... Of course, 'cause I'd rather all of them have my DNA and not some other random person's!
Asian nerd #2: No, of course, dude, I totally agree.
--NYU
Wednesday One-Liners Have Healthy Immune Systems
Irate lady with luggage: This is a filthy town! Horrible!
--Penn Station
Guy on cell: You opened a cadaver today? Oh, shit, man -- congrats! That's so cool... I changed a nasty dirty diaper today.
--26th & 8th
Mother to sobbing young son: Honey, you can't pet a stranger's mink. You just can't. Especially with dirty hands -- that's why she was mad at you.
--M3 bus, 45th & 5th
Blonde on cell, wearing mink coat: I have a couture mink coat, and I will not have those low-lifes getting their crappy filth all over it!
--Starbucks, Citigroup Center
Woman hurrying small boy along: Yes, that wall is filthy, don't touch it. Everything you can see in this city is dirty.
--W 67th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Asian man: Look, if you're gonna stab me at least use the clean knife.
--Applebee's, 42nd St
Overheard by: explosivo
Woman on elliptical to woman on stationary bike: Justin made me take the subway today. I didn't like it. I felt dirty.
--Equinox, Soho
Overheard by: jdm
How Masons Recognize Each Other
Hobo: Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, steak!
Asian man: Yes.
--57th & Broadway
Pssst! -- I Think He Means "Beef Cheeks"
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind?
Asian customer: Wedgie.
Chipotle guy: What kind of meat do you want?
Asian customer: Wedgie!
Chipotle guy: Spiced pork?
Asian customer: Vegetable!
--Chipotle, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: I just wanted chicken
Race Card Drivers
Asian guy #1: Fucking motherfucker!
Asian guy #2: Ass-fucking mule!
Asian guy #1: Cum wad!
Asian guy #2: Asian!
Asian guy #1: Whoa, man, that's just rude.
--Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: Laura
He Has a Name, Though
White guy: A queer Sikh holding a cigarette like a woman and talking about grenades. Now I've seen everything. [Pause.] How was the mocha?
Asian friend: It was delicious, thank you.
--Q46 stop, Union Tpke & Utopia Pkwy
Overheard by: Peter G
So Your Teacher Should Be Able to Find You Some Asian Lab Partners
Asian kid #1: In my classes the teacher is always pairing me up with the other minorities. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I speak all those languages, too.
Asian kid #2: I could close my eyes walking down the street and count to five and when I open them see at least one other Asian. We're everywhere.
--LIRR
Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn't know...
--6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
--Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You're not from Illinois, you're from Chicago!
--Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where's Chicago, again? Oh, that's here in New York, right?
--Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
--Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
--Max Brenner, Union Square
Santa Finally Goes Legit
Asian kid: Why did you decide to start driving now?
Middle-aged thug: I drive trucks. Now it's just time to tell the government.
--DMV, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
I Have Got to Find a Better Way to Meet Men
Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.
Victim suit: Whoa, whoa -- what're you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you're trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!
--6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
Are You Kidding? This Is Stand-Up Comedy Gold!
Lesbian: So, I wanted to get my hair cut really short, y'know? And, like, dyed red. But my mom was like, 'No, you're too fat to be an Asian man.'
Asian man: That sucks.
--A train
New York City Has Been Everything I Dreamed and More!
Short, chubby Asian man: I got stabbed! I got stabbed in the neck!
Friends: Oh!
Short, chubby Asian man: Believe it or not, I got stabbed in the neck! But I didn't die! I lived! Can you believe that?!
--8th St & MacDougal
I Mean, Come On! How Many Times Did the Barbarians Sack Rome?
Asian girl #1: So Alicia is, like, half-Portuguese because her mom is Portuguese.
Asian girl #2: I thought she was Brazilian...
Asian girl #1: Yeah, Brazilian. And her dad is Italian. Like from Italy. He's, like, a hundred percent.
Asian girl #2: Wow.
Asian girl #1: I know! It's, like, unbelievable.
--Astoria
Dude, She Just Gave You the Green Light!
Young Asian woman: That's why your country has such a low birth rate. In Korea the men just club women over the head and drag them home.
Young Asian man: [Pausing] I don't believe you.
--Tosca, The Met
Overheard by: busyboy
Everything's Relative
Black guy: Who we going to see?
Asian guy: Andy. Not black-Andy, white-Andy.
Black guy: White-Andy? ...You mean Asian-Andy?
Asian guy: Oh, yeah, Asian-Andy.
--29th & Broadway
Overheard by: Brian
At the Male Fantasy Semifinals
Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don't want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does -- like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don't have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don't you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don't know.
Asian girl: You know what? I'll help you. I'll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.
--Downtown 6 train
No More X for You Tonight
Chick: There sure are a lot of old people in this line.
Boyfriend: No they aren't, baby. Do you mean Asian?
Chick: No! I know the difference!
--53rd & Lex
Overheard by: Emily
At the Biasslon Olympic Tryouts
Asian guy: No, that was some pretty diarrhea. Did you see it?
Mexican guy: It was crazy, man. Wooo.
Asian guy: It was pretty diarrhea. Really.
Mexican guy: So pretty. We don't got that shit in Mexico.
--Time-Life building lobby
All the Streets Look Alike to Me
Asian girl #1: Where exactly in Chinatown are we going?
Asian girl #2: I have no clue.
--Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: lauren
You Can Fake the Attitude, Even the Look, But In the End, Either You Have a Horizontal Vagina or You Don't
Dude #1: She's just got this, y'know, Asian air about her.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: She's got this, like, totally anime look.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah, but I wish she were really Asian.
--88th & 1st
Overheard by: Beeeej
Medieval General: And After the Archers, Send in the Yellow Horde!
Asian guy: Hey, you ever play DDR?
White guy: I'm white. No, never played it.
Asian guy: Oh, I played at a friend's yesterday. His sister was good.
White guy: Are you good?
Asian guy: I'm OK.
White guy: Redeem yourself. You're not Asian anymore.
Asian guy: Dude, my friends are black. Black people can dance, idiot.
White guy: Yeah, and Asian people are good at DDR.
Asian guy: No, we're just good at following arrows.
--Times Square
Overheard by: jason
Yet for Some Reason, Not When It's Burning Three Inches from My Face
Asian chick: Do you have an extra cigarette?
Tall dude: Yeah, sure.
Asian chick: Do you have a light?
Tall dude: Yeah, here you go.
Asian chick: Can you light it for me? I'm afraid of fire.
--Cosmic Cantina, Park Slope
Overheard by: worst pick up line ever
A World Where My Sisters and Brothers Will Be Judged Not by the Color of Their Skin but by the Circumference of Their Ass
Hobo: Spare some change for the fucking poor? Yeah, that's right, you fucking chinks. Fucking slanty-eyed flat-assed bitches! Suck my ass!
Asian woman: He said my butt was flat!
--114th & Broadway
They Have Chocolate or Bubble Gum
Asian woman: You want Coach, Prada, Louis Vuitton? DVD?
Guy, about to light up: Do you sell fake cigarettes?
--Canal St
Let Me Know When You're Considering Women - Then I'll Be Impressed
Queer: Dude, I'm so horny, I'm thinking about considering Asians.
--Lil' Frankies, 1st St
Only in America
Asian girl: Do you want to go eat Korean food?
Little brother: What does it taste like?
Asian girl: It's like American food.
--Manhattan Mall Food Court, 33rd & 6th
In Her Living Room, She Just Lies There
White chick: Hey! Enough with the pushing already!
Indian woman: No! No! No! This is not your living room. This is rush hour--so I pooosh and pooosh!
--Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Wednesday One-Liners Would Like Fries With That
Very large man, pointing at a McDonald's: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?
--49th & 9th
Man wearing an "I Heart My Heart" shirt, to guy eating fast food: You're just aching for that heart attack, aren't you?
--46th & Broadway
Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It's 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...And then it gets even more confusing, 'cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don't have shit on us.
--M11 bus
Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, "Quiero Taco Bell!"
--33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelsey
Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K...F...C?
--Broadway between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Gregorio
In Some Cultures, the Mother Rewards the Son on a Load-by-Load Basis
Little Asian boy: Guess what? I did it twice already this morning.
Mom: Did what?
Little Asian boy: Touch myself!
--Uptown M104 bus
Overheard by: Barry P.
Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel
Guy: Hey! Where's my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?
--14th & University
Guy on cell: I'll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing...Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.
--Walker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Wolf
Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula's native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.
--Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: nosy cinephile
Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.
--13th & University
Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?
--Office, W 36th St
Overheard by: Evan
Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.
--Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he's Mexican by his eyes!
--Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?
--Walgreens, Union Square
Overheard by: Goldie
Businesswoman: Well you can't kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.
--I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St
Hobo: You're not Polish; you just think you're Polish!
--Tompkins Square Park
Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.
--Century 21
Sassy chick: I can't believe she's moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she's only known for two months!
--TGI Friday's, 52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shaina
'Real Hip-Hop Artist' Is an Oxymoron, So We Cannot Verify This
Girl #1: He's a hip-hop artist; he has to have an Asian girfriend.
Girl #2: He already has one.
Guy: If he's a real hip-hop artist, he has to have two.
--Spring & Sullivan
Overheard by: inge
In the Same Way That Condoms Are For Muffling the Splooge
Asian girl: That reminds me of those dogs that have to wear the cones around their neck.
Asian boy: What's that for, anyway? To project the bark?
--Port Authority
Overheard by: DA
I Always Wondered Who That 'and Repeat' Was Aimed At
Asian queen #1: First I shampoo and then I rinse and then I shampoo and then I rinse and then I condition and then I shampoo and then I condition and then I rinse.
Asian queen #2: The problem is that you're telling your hair what it wants. You're not asking your hair what it wants.
--Uptown 2 train
Wednesday One-Liners Are Going to Hell
Asshole, pointing at a Chinese woman with Down Syndrome: Look a Mongoloid Mongolian.
--Pearl River Mart, Broadway
Overheard by: Philip
Girl on cell: Well, she wasn't a better person before she went to rehab, just a more fun one...Yeah, I agree, it would be awesome if she relapsed. God, we are terrible people.
--28th & Madison
Deleted Scene from Mission: Impossible III
Hot Asian chick: Yeah, so I kept asking my boyfriend about how he had his ex finger his ass, and he got so pissy at me.
Gay black dude: Hmmph. He probably doesn't want to admit he wants it up the booty all the time.
Hot Asian chick: He said he pretended that he liked it when she she'd butt play him. I don't buy that shit.
Gay black dude: Honey, real men don't pretend. Run!
--Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: henry
His Ancestors Fought in the Dance Dance Revolutionary War
Old white woman: Are you Japanese?
Young Asian Guy: I'm American.
Old white woman: But is your family Japanese?
Young Asian guy: I'm American.
Old white woman: But are you of Japanese descent?
Young Asian guy: I'm American.
Old white woman: Like from 1776?
Young Asian guy: Yes.
--32nd & 6th
Overheard by: Paul D
When You Become an American Citizen, You Have to Forget Everything You Know About Geography
Indian guy: Hey, what country are you from?
Asian girl: Tibet.
Indian guy: So you live in Tokyo?
--F Train
Getting a Little on the Side
South Bronx gangster #1: Yo, damn, look at that Asian girl, son!
South Bronx gangster #2: You ever been with an Asian girl?
Gangster #1: Nah, son, you?
Gangster #2: Nah, yo, but I heard them pussies is sideways!
Gangster #1: What?! Sideways?!
Gangster #2: Yeah, son, sideways. They pussies is siiiideways!
Gangster #1: Shit, I gotta try and get with one now.
--the Bronx
Overheard by: Scullface
Wednesday One-Liners Own Eight-Sided Dice
Loud, nerdy guy: They're basically a bunch of shitty MySpace kids with mutant powers. Like the hedgehog kid: his power is that spikes come out of his body, what the fuck is that? I could roll around in glue and syringes and get that guy's power.
--Prospect Park
Overheard by: Zoh
Middle-Aged man: I think vampires are kind of stupid. They seem to care an awful lot about how they look and what others think. It's like, who cares? You're six hundred years old and on your way to hell, hello?
--5th Ave
Overheard by: Someone who thinks he has a point
Asian girl: One of my cousins is a dragon.
--32nd St
Overheard by: sneakyintern
She's Really Good At Math, Though
Asian valley chick: So, I bought this shirt? And it was like...it was like...it was like, a shirt? And it was really cool.
--N train
Yes, But They Probably Still Wouldn't Talk to You
Man: Wow, you speak good English. Where are you from?
Asian girl: Australia.
Man: Do they speak English there?
--1 train station
Are You My Asian/Pacific Islander?
Asian guy: Yo, nigger.
Black guy: Fuck you. You ain't my nigger.
--90th St, Elmhurst
More Contagious Than Ambition, Apparently
Asian girl: Where do you want to go to college?
Greek girl: Huh, You have pink eye? My brother had that. It's mad contagious.
--Bronx High School of Science
Before the Ceremony Last Week, She Was Latina
Guido: Ya know, you're very cute.
Asian chick: Um, thanks?
Guido: Wanna sit with me on the train?
Asian chick: No, I'm good.
Guido: Can I getcha numba?
Asian chick: Uh, no, sorry. I just converted. I, um, only go out with Asians now.
--Penn Station
And Because They're a Great Way to Have Tuna
Incredibly Jappy woman #1: I'm looking forward to using these bath melts I made.
Incredibly Jappy woman #2: Bath melts?
Incredibly Jappy woman #1: Yeah, I call them bath melts because "bath bombs" really doesn't seem PC.
--JCC, 76th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kimberly Ballinger
CSI: Wednesday One-liners
Teen girl: Ooh, take a picture. Someone got stabbed here last night!
--Outside the W, Times Square
Overheard by: melissa
Asian tranny on cell: But we never smelt nothing cause we didn't even know the body was there!
--51st & 9th
Amazing Insight. Wanna Screw?
White guy: There are many Africans where I live. I like them, because they're more spiritual.
Chinese girl: They're closer to nature.
--Verb Cafe, Bedford & N 7th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Outmacked
Wednesday One-liners on Fad Diets
Fruit stand guy: Too much papaya! Too much marijuana! Too much cocaine!
--Dean & Court, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Zach
Asian girl: You're not following the diet plan! It's either junk food or no food!
--Stuyvesant High School
Just Put It in the Blender
Chinese guy: Why not?
Chinese girl: Cause I don't like the taste.
Chinese guy: But it's the only way I can get off.
Chinese girl: Fine but eat something that makes it liquidy, otherwise it's too hard.
--Grand & Chrystie
He'll Need The Club Tonight
Asian guy: Teddy Roosevelt, there was a man. Out of the days when men could club women over the head and drag them off.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: What I'm saying is -- my thesis is -- the position I'm taking is -- the argument I'm making is -- there's never been a successful matriarchal society.
Asian chick: Hmm.
Asian guy: Byron "The Whizzer" White! He was a man. He could do it all. Feminism is bullshit. That's what I love about you. I can't talk like this around most girls.
Asian chick: Hmm.
--Tony's Di Napoli, 84th & 2nd
Good Thing He Had Those Ruby Slippers
Asian guy #1: Ok, here's the train.
Asian guy #2: Dude! No way! That's the Q!
Asian guy #1: What?
Asian guy #2: Dude! You couldn't pay me to take the Q! Last time I took the Q, I got on around Canal Street and next thing I knew, I was in. . like. . . Brooklyn!
--Herald Square station
It's Quite a Bind
Woman #1: But not all Asian girls are pretty.
Woman #2: Oh I know, but he just thinks that, on a scale of 1-10, Asian girls start off with like a +10.
Woman #1: Oh, well that's good, because most white guys just see that they're Asian and don't consider whether they're really pretty or not.
--78th & Lexington
Wednesday One-liners Need an Adapter
Girl: Do you know they make cameras without film now?
--L train
Wednesday One-liners Turn It Up a Notch
Teen girl: God, you are so self-conscious sometimes I want to punch you in the face.
--A train
Overheard by: Niki
Asian Red Underrepresented in AA
Teen girl #1: Do they card here?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but they don't card the Asians.
Teen girl #1: Isn't that racist?
Teen girl #2: No, that's like...affirmative action or something like that.
--M2M, East 11th Street
Overheard by: evan t
Wednesday One-liners Are on the Other Line
Construction guy: Well, she didn't sound Chinese over the phone.
--Fulton & William
Wednesday One-liners Still Like Jesse
Guy: Did you see that woman? She looked at us like she'd never seen a black man before.
--NYU College of Dentistry elevator, East 24th Street
What's in a Name, Wednesday One-liners?
Receptionist lady: Don't you be sayin' my whole name; I'm on America's Most Wanted!
--NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, West 168th Street
Overheard by: supermerm
They Go from Top to Bottom
Girl #1: I am, like, so obsessed with Asian guys. He is so great. I would so date him.
Girl #2: Date him? But he's gay.
Girl #1: Those are my favorite kind of Asians.
--Grand Central
We Hereby Reunite Germany and Japan
Girl #1: She told me she could get wine stains out of the suede...
Girl #2: Wow, did she?
Girl #1: When I came to pick it up there was a big red stain and I said, "What the fuck is this?"--like that--and she just looked at me all dumb.
Girl #2: What, was she Chinese or something?
Girl #1: No, she was normal.
--LIRR train
Guy: We're all wearing jeans. We all have black hair.
Chick: We're all Asian.
Guy: We are? I thought we were just normal?
--F train
Overheard by: Gretchen Irmiger
Ay Carumba!
Latina: People are always saying I look Asian. Do you see it?
Asian guy: Well, you know, Mexicans look a lot like Asians.
White girl: Yeah, they have those same narrow eyes.
Asian guy: And they're short.
--Amy's Bread, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
They're Much Better with the Numbers
Old lady: I like this address book, but I want one with ABCs on the side.
Store guy: Well, this one has tabs, but no letters...
Old lady: Why don't you have any that have ABCs?
Store guy: This collection was made in Japan...
Old lady: And what, they don't go by ABCs there?
--MoMA Design Store, West 53rd Street
"The Koreans?"
Asian guy: I'm not Japanese; I'm Chinese.
Black girl: Yeah, but who has more Chinky eyes?
Asian guy: What?
Black girl: Whose eyes are Chinkier?
--A train
Overheard by: John W. Eddy
"Gweilo" Isn't a Number
Girl #1: So I know some Chinese now.
Girl #2 Really?
Girl #1: Yeah. I learned how to say our phone number from hearing you order food all the time.
--1 train
Overheard by: Karl Sturmgewehr
Welcome to George Bush's America
Chick: Hi, how much are these?
Vendor hippie: Ten, or two for 18.
Chick: Oh.
Vendor hippie: Yea, on Macdougal they sell them cheaper, but they're made by Chinese kids who make one-fifty an hour. Capitalist bastards.
Chick: Oh. Are you going to be here tomorrow?
Vendor hippie: Well, tomorrow it's going to rain, and then for the next fifteen days the government is paying me to take ecstasy and play on the computer while they observe me.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Emily Leonard
"Or Daddy's hentai?"
Little girl: Mommy, what's this?
Mom: Japanese art. You know, like in Mulan.
--The Met
The Wednesday One-liners Method Acting Method
Matt Dillon: This theatre has awful feng shui.
--Union Square Regal Cinemas
There Goes the Lady Bic
White guy: So, do you have any plans for this evening?
Asian girl: Yeah, being angry!
White guy: Oh, that sounds good.
--Houston & 1st
Overheard by: Kristin
Guys Like That Much More
Asian girl: I really like sleep sex.
White girl #1: What's that?
Asian girl: You know, when you're sleeping and you wake up and you're having sex. Sleep sex.
White girl #2: You mean getting raped?
--1st Avenue & 9th Street
Year of the Jackass
Guy #1: Why did you cut your knish like you're an Asian person?
Girl: Because I'm a jink!
Guy #2: Anna, you are one crazy cookie.
--Astoria
Man: I have never seen so many chinks in one Starbucks in all my life.
--Starbucks, Crosby & Spring
Overheard by: Jas
Guy: This is, like, the third time they've made me feel stupid in public. God, I hate Chinese people!
--Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
"...Go stand by her, by the edge."
Asian chick: So that's it, then?
Asian guy: Yep.
Asian chick: We're breaking up, then?
Asian guy: Yep.
A few minutes pass.
Asian chick: Hey, you'd look good with that girl up there in the pink checked coat.
--Empire State Building
Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide
Aim for Where Freedom Lives: The Head
Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee--
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, "I'm setting you free! I'm setting you free!"
--McDonalds, Union Square
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Going to the STD Clinic (A NYC Short Story)
Indian chick: So I was watching VH1 and it was a show about child stars. You know, Drew Barrymore, Jodie Foster--
Asian chick: What? Jodie Foster was a child star?
Indian chick: Yeah. She was a child prostitute at like, 13, and they made a movie about it and everything.
Indian chick: Lookit that chart. They're ranking condoms, see? Trojan Magnum, then Regular Trojans, then Trojan Ultra Sheer, then Durex Regular, then Lifestyles, and then Lifestyle Ultra-Sensitive, see?
Asian chick: Mmm. Trojan Ultra Sheers, yeah.
Indian chick: But Durex has at least one more that should go in there! Durex has a Magnum too and it's really good.
Asian chick: So yeah, what's their deal?
Indian chick: Like, it' all about how well they endure. Not how much pleasure they give. Fucking government chart.
Indian chick: Anyway. I'm definitely thinkin' about havin' my kids in a foreign country. Like, dual citizenship. Just take a semester off, fly to Britain for a month, and voila.
Asian chick: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. What for?
Indian chick: They just come out cooler, that's all.
--Chelsea Health Center, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: capn midnite
Chinese Torture, Represent! Go Jiang!
Cheerleader girl #1: Terry, what are those people doing? Is that fake blood?
Cheerleader girl #2: I think they're representing Chinese torture or something.
--51st & 7th
Overheard by: Alvin Cheung
Korean is the New White
Little girl #1: He took out everything after we bought the house. The refrigerator, the stove, the toilet...
Little girl #2: Was he Korean? I mean, I'm Korean but that sounds so Korean.
Little girl #1: Nah, he was Italian.
Little girl #2: Koreans, Italians, French...no difference.
--Flushing
White guy: Dude, I'm going to be the only non-Asian at this party.
Asian guy: No, man, there are going to be tons of Koreans there.
--6 train
Overheard by: Elisabeth
That Tiger Balm Heals Everything
Asian guy: If I'da been white, they would have let me in. White people suck.
White guy: White people don't suck; clubs suck. I try to limit myself to venues that always let me in, but still encourage easy white women to come too. So far, I have yet to get an STD that can't be cured.
--F train
In Other Words, Old People Pants
White girl: Hey, what are your pants made of? They're really shiny.
Asian guy: Oh, that's probably the grease from all the food I eat. I eat a lot of greasy food. Oh, and soy milk. I spilled soy milk on myself; I "soyled" myself.
--6 train
Overheard by: LiAps
They Do Have Lots of Wings in Asia
A little Asian boy sneezes without covering his mouth.
Black lady: Excuse you!
Asian mom: He's only 3, he didn't know any better.
Black lady: Haven't you heard of bird flu, motherfucka!
--M96 bus
Overheard by: Chris Roberts
Girl #1: I feel like shit. I think I've got the Asian Bird Flu.
Girl #2: Don't you mean Avian Bird Flu?
Girl #1: Whatever.
--56th & Broadway
Overheard by: K.M
Woman: Isn't it here in America?
Teen boy: Naw...it's in Japan. All these people be dying from it. Thank god Bush won't let it in the country.
--Associated Supermarket, Astoria
Overheard by: Demy
That Makes Stuy the Medina
Asian guy #1: Yeah, but I've only been to Chinatown like...once or twice.
Asian guy #2: Still, it's like Muslims. You only have to go to Mecca once, but you still went.
--Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street
Overheard by: Susan A
Sharpie is Just Their Name, Dimwit
Asian girl: So he gave me directions to go meet him.
White guy: What? I ain't goin there, that neighborhood is all Cripped out! I ain't about to get shot!
Asian girl: Look, I can call a car service to pick us up at the train station if it's that big of a deal.
White guy: Naw, I'm kiddin', I'll just stab 'em with a pen.
--Walgreens, 4th Avenue
I Choose You, Racism!
Man: Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Teen girl: Shouldn't you be in Japan?
--F train
Overheard by: Cristopher
I Smell a Knifefight Coming
Drunk Asian girl: We should totally go salsa dancing.
Drunk white girl: Yeah, that would be so fun.
Drunk Asian girl: We'd be the only white people there, though.
--J train
Overheard by: Jim VB
NYU girl: So do they like hate everyone?
NYU boy: No, not everyone; just white people.
--Union Square
They Can Only Eat What You Throw in the Cage
Asian girl: I don't know why, but I heard that all filipino people, all they eat is chicken wings.
Asian guy: What did you say?
Asian girl: Seriously, my maid, my boyfriend's maid, my sister's maid, all they ate was chicken wings.
--44th & 5th
Overheard by: Ahmad Zubair Sahar
It's Like Someone Made a Play About Stuyvesant
Asian suit: They were talking about how these 7th grade girls were trading blowjobs for pot.
White suit: When I was in 7th grade, I didn't even know what pot was, or what blowjobs were. I was too busy playing video games and watching Star Wars.
Asian suit: I was in SAT prep class.
--51st & Lexington
$20 Says He Ends Up at Syracuse
Asian man: Excuse me, do you know where is the Staten Island Ferry?
Suit: Yeah, just keep walking in this direction along the water. It's the big orange motherfucker, you can't miss it.
--Battery Park
It Means He's Up for Re-election
Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.
--Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: Chandini Davis
Proving Again That Nothing's Dirtier Than Religion
Asian guy #1: Everyone I know just goes to church to hook up.
Asian guy #2: I know! It's like, "Hey, you like God, I like God, wanna get dirty?"
--Webster Hall, E. 11th Street
Boy Have a Penis; Girls Have Wednesday One-liners
Chick: I swear to god, I don't know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina.
--6 train
Overheard by: brynn
Man on cell: Hey, baby. It's sure hot out today...you better get out those hot pants...I mean hot shorts...your pussy must be burning up.
--56th & Broadway
Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn!
--7th & Perry
Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina?
--Camel, W. 33rd Street
Overheard by: Dave Min
Man: We're going to have a tampon fondue!
--Duane Reade, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: molina1230
His Volume is the Least of His Issues
Asian guy #1: Gay sex is ridiculous. Just because men don't have twats doesn't mean they just use any damn substitute. The asshole is biologically not for sex.
Asian guy #2: That's all they've got, man.
Asian guy #1: Well, suppose there was no asshole? Or suppose the asshole was on the foot...would they fuck the foot?
Asian guy #2: Shh. You're fucking loud, dude.
--6 train
Actually, Mr. Magoo, He is Jewish
Girl #1: Wait, why did you call her a Chink?
Amerasian girl: Because that's what she is!
Guy #1: That's not very politically correct.
Guy #2: Yeah, she's Oriental.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
She Should Have Dropped "Y'know What I'm Sayin'?"
Asian girl #1: Who's that guy that's not Steve Harvey?
Asian girl #2: Cedric the Entertainer.
Asian girl #1: Yeah, he might have been in The Cookout.
Asian girl #2: Oh my God, that's so racist. "Who's that guy that's not Steve Harvey?"
Asian girl #1: Well, you knew who I was talking about!
--McDonald's, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aisha Moore
But I'd Care If My Burger Were Run Over
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat's gonna get hit!
Asian Lady: Wha?
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat: it's in the street! Someone's gonna run over it!
Asian lady: Huh?
Old Italian lady #1: Your ca--
Old Italian lady #2: She doesn't care about the cat. Those Orientals, they eat cats.
--Carroll Gardens bodega
Uh, Some of Us Don't...
Chinese woman #1: Her husband is so cheap!
Chinese woman #2: Yeah, well...
Chinese woman #1: Where do you find someone like that?
Chinese woman #2: He's a Shanghai-nese.
Chinese woman #1: Oh...Well, you know how those people are.
Translated from the Chinese.
--7 train
That Country Being the UNITED STATES (Coming Soon)
Chick: So are you Japanese?
Waitress: No, I'm--
Chick: Chinese? Korean?
Waitress: --I'm Indonesian.
Chick: ...where is that?
Waitress: Asia.
Chick: ...Oh, you mean like, with Malaysia, Vietnam, Korea and all those others!
Waitress: Yes...
Chick: And they're all related, right?...And they're in the same country?
--Wasabi, Greenpoint
Sounds Like It Worked
White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you're not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I'd get all self-conscious.
--6 train
Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners
Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York?
--61st & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen
Tourist girl: What's a knish? I don't know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one?
--Yonah Schimmel's Knishery, Houston Street
White girl: There's really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys...Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they're pretty much the same.
--184th & Bennett
Girl: I don't know if it's an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on!
--French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street
Overheard by: Dottie McFarland
Wednesday One-liners are Open for Business
Girl on cell: Do you think any galleries will be open on Sunday?
--21st & Broadway
Woman: He didn't come here to be Korean; he moved here to be a hipster. Then he realized he could open a store, and he turned Korean.
--2nd Avenue & 6th Street
Private School girl: So is, like, everything in this place by Chanel?
--Metropolitan Museum of Art
Man: What do you mean, you ran out of keys? How does a hotel run out of keys?
--The Hotel on Rivington
Overheard by: Joe Quint
Queer: Well I figured I make $7 an hour at Journey's working full time. So if I cut back to part time and get a second job making $7 an hour, I'll be making $14 an hour and I can pay all my bills!
--Nederlander Theater, West 41st Street
Overheard by: Nomi Malone
I Don't Think This is What Rosa Parks Meant
An Asian woman is talking loudly on her cell phone
Fat Black lady: You need to move to the back of the damn bus. We don't wanna hear that ching-chang ching-chong bullshit!
--Q34 bus
Overheard by: Lauren
Chinese Food Doesn't Think It's Better Than All Other Foods
Tourist guy: So what's the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.
--Bayard & Mulberry
Overheard by: iiams
Guys: Get Her to Say Seamen and Read Her This Entry
Asian chick: You know, I bet Fritos are healthy for you!
Spanish chick: How you figure?
Asian chick: Cuz in the ingredients it says it's made of corn, soybean oil and salt, and corn is good for you.
Spanish chick: True. If you can pronounce what's in the ingredients, then it has to be good for you.
--Flushing
Crazy in the Head, Crazy in the Bed
Asian guy: She's crazy. She's obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she's hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she's crazy...but she's hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?
--F train
Overheard by: emdashes
Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.
--St. Mark's Place
Getting Directions (A NYC Short Story)
Blind man: Hi, can you tell me which way to the N/R line?
Asian dude: Uhh...that way.
--Atlantic Avenue station
Overheard by: JL
Hence Shonen Knife's Tomato Head
Black chick: Hey, come here, look. Did you know that Asians can't drink? Look at her face. It's all red.
--Diesel, West Broadway
"Oh. So you're Korean."
White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.
--N train
Overheard by: Rich
That Place Being Any NYC Taxi
Asian guy: But it's the 21st century!
White guy: That's true, but there's always a place for racism.
--13th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: E. Jung
A preppy boy whistles and waves at a cab. The cab ignores him, and as it passes the boy yells: What's your problem, am I Black or something?
--Park & 55th
That Depends on Which One is Fatter
Asian girl: But see, pretty people don't look for people who are gorgeous. If you're good looking, you don't need to look for someone cute. You don't need to look for more of that.
Hispanic girl: Mm-hmm.
Asian girl: You know, you look for a complement to you in a relationship.
Hispanic girl: So which one of us is the ugly one?
--14th & 3rd
Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners
Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho.
--13th St. & 3rd Ave.
Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs.
--13th St. & 2nd Ave.
Overheard by: Chris Carter
Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be "titty".
--F train
Overheard by: Nathalie
He Got Served...Literally!
Cop: Excuse me sir, did you drop this Metrocard?
Asian guy: Oh thank you so much, I've been looking for it all over the place!
Cop: You littered. Here's your ticket.
--Kew Gardens station
Overheard by: Ting
Who Invited the Shiksa?
Asian girl: I dunno, I think we should meet up with her.
Tall girl: ...yeah, but they have that open bar shit.
--34th & 6th
Still Makes More Sense Than an Old Man in the Sky
Little Asian boy: Mommy, is it true that the world is run by giants who plug it in and make it spin?
Mom: Where did you hear that?
Little Asian boy: I made it up.
--N train
Overheard by: Harmony
Wednesday One-liners
Woman: When you get to be my age, everybody looks like somebody. And some people pass by twice.
--Lincoln Center
Asian girl: Oh, no! No one had sex on the floor. I mean, OK, so a few of us girls were rolling around on the floor in our bra and panties or whatever but no one was having sex on the floor!
--St. John's University
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Readers: Answer This Overheard Question
Little Asian girl: Mommy, are you Jewish?
--86th & Broadway
Alcoholism: Not Just a Goal, But a Duty
Asian kid #1: That was your first shot and you didn't even drink it.
Asian kid #2: I did drink it. It just took me a long time.
Asian kid #1: It's your fucking birthday. You're supposed to be unconscious. You should have done that shit. I bought that shot for you, man. If someone bought me a shot and I had had sixteen drinks, I would drink it anyway, just for the principle.
--9th street PATH Station
Still Saying Goodbye to The Gates
Haughty woman: It's just fabric! Why do you have to pay $16 million for fabric?
--The Gates
Asian guy: So what's the deal with these orange flags? Do they take them all down and put them up again every year? That's dumb.
--The Gates
Overheard by: Nick
Dating in NYC: A Short Story
Asian chick #1: The thing is, he's a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it's like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He's like...ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he's really cute in that way that he's nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
--N/R 8th street station
A Benetton Ad, It Isn't
A black girl tries to squeeze past twin asian chicks and a little asian boy to get into the train.
Black girl: Do you mind?
Asian chick #1: Don't be rude, can't you go around us?
Black girl: I don't move around people; they move around me.
Asian chick #1: You're inside now, so please stop yelling at us.
Black girl: You are so rude! Is that how you talk to people in front of your child?
Asian chick #1: You know, I'm tired of listening to your crap. Talk to the hand.
Asian boy: Yeah, you talk too much. Talk to the hand!
--A train
Overheard at Our Favorite Pizzeria II
Fratboy: The cute Asian girl. You know how everyone has a nickname? That's hers: the cute Asian girl. And she always smells so good!
--Joe's Pizza, Carmine St.
They'll Be Sure to Win the Special Olympics Pageant
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
--Union Square
They Grow Up So Fast
Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo...Um...I'll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!
--Canal Street
Overheard by: Jonathan Harris
What would Jesus do?
Asian yuppie: Now I don't have to be possessive anymore. Instead, I rely on Jesus.
--Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
A Jewish Hipster? For Real?
Hipster Girl: Hipsterism was made for Jewish guys and Asian Girls.
-- Williamsburg
So why was she wearing a Chris Isaak t-shirt?
Young Asian woman at a party on the Lower East Side: "...and it turns out that Chris Isaak asked me out only because he has an Asian fetish, and he's apparently dated every Asian girl in San Francisco, I was creeped out..."
