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Hardly. I Studied with the Bejing Opera
Black chick: What kind of soup do you got?
Chinese deli guy: Uhhh, we got some chicken noodle soup.
Black chick: Oh, just chicken noodle soup?
Chinese deli guy, singing and dancing: With a soda on the side! [Black chick glares at him in silence.] Uhhh, yeah, that's all.
Black chick: That's fuckin' ign'ant, man.
--106th & 2nd
Fine, Get All Master Po on Me
Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don't you?
--Main St
We Could Always Put on Miniskirts, Go to Times Square, and Test My Theory
European girl: My mother is from Norway and my father is from Ireland.
Chinese girl: I'm purebred. If humans sold like puppies, I'd sell for way more than you.
--Chelsea
Overheard by: Shelly Rutherford
Glad We Got That Out of the Way
Chinese mother holding plate of free rice: Do you like rice, girls?
Little girls: Of course we like rice, we're Chinese!
Chinese mother: I know you're Chinese. I am Chinese, too.
--Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Non-Chinese Rice-Lover
I Did, for Christ's Sake!
Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know -- are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay... I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don't know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th -- first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English.
--J&R Music, City Hall
Overheard by: Hugh
Just Like Some Rectangles Are Squares, and Some NYC Women Have Frontal Lobe Damage
Man: That place isn't Chinese, it's Japanese.
Woman: Yeah, but some Chinese are Japanese.
--42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Unspoiled by Western Ways?
Tourist #1: We should visit Chinatown.
Tourist #2: Why?
Tourist #1: We can see real Chinese people in their natural habitat.
--Subway station, West 4th St
Hotter than Hot
Girl #1: So, was he at least hot?
Girl #2: No! He was Chinese!
--Times Square
Overheard by: Andrea
Flier: 'Make Big Bucks as an Organ Grinder!'
Chinese man in rice hat passing out fliers, to man's spaniel: Monkey, monkey, monkey.
Fat, bald owner to dog: Don't talk to him.
--W Houston & Thompson
Overheard by: J&M
His Translation Captures the Spirit of the Original
Chinese girl: [in Chinese] Your luck just ran out.
Black girl: What the fuck did she say?
Chinese passerby: You are fucked.
--W 4th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ting
Those who Bootleg History Are Doomed to Profit From It
20-something Chinese guy: You know what? Chinese people discovered America.
20-something Black guy: Bullshit.
20-something Chinese guy: It's true! There's an article on CNN showing we discovered America, there are maps. Chinese were here first before everyone else. Chinese people did everything before everyone else. White people take credit for everything, but now it's coming out that Chinese made all of these discoveries first. Don't you see a pattern? We're the shit.
20-something Black guy: The only pattern I see is that you motherfuckers pirate and resell every DVD, and now you're trying to bootleg history.
--Chinatown
Overheard by: Ricky
He Sees You As an Alternative Target, Not Protection
Chinese guy: Hey, now that you're here we can go to Sylvia's in Harlem and get some soul food.
Black guy: What do you mean, "now that I'm here"? What, you can't go to Harlem by yourself, but now that you've got your token black you're safe? That's fucked up.
Chinese guy: Let me ask you something: would you go to Harlem alone at night?
Black guy: OK, that's not the point.
--Chinatown
Overheard by: Ricky
Nazi Skinheads: 'We Knew It!'
Chinese girl: I just think it would be a little weird.
Jewish girl: Why?
Chinese girl: 'Cause I'm not Jewish.
Jewish girl: What are you talking about? You're Chinese. That's practically Jewish.
Chinese girl: ...True.
--SoHo
No Countries That Both Have PSP-Playing Citizens Have Ever Gone to War. Right?
Chinese woman, sobbing to her husband: [Furious, angry Chinese] PSP! [More angry Chinese]
Dominican kid, walking by: Yeah! PSP!
--Forsyth & Broome
Overheard by: Peter
Anthropology Majors at 4AM
Chinese guy: I hear people in third world countries are so hungry they eat people.
White girl: I know. I wonder, like, whether they have a conscience about it.
Chinese guy: Well, I imagine they don't eat their own children, you know? Probably just someone else's. It would be easier to do that, I think.
White girl: Yeah, I totally agree.
--Columbia University
No, Seriously -- Let's Hit It
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Man, what are you excusing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chinese lady: Fuck me? Ok, take-a off the pant.
Stairway in silence.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Sure thing, ma'am. I'm sorry.
Chinese kid: And that's why we respect our elders.
--Canal St station
Is His Anatomy as Good as His Geography?
Chinese doctor: Where you from?
Nurse: Poland.
Chinese doctor: Good, you speak Czechlosvakian. I need to translate, this man is from Beirut.
--Elmhurst Hospital, Queens
These Chairs Are Really Uncomfortable
Old Chinese lady: Let's go in here!
Old white guy: It's a fucking Door Store! We don't need a fucking door.
Old Chinese lady: They sell furniture!
Old white guy: Then they should call it fucking Furniture Store.
--33rd & Park
Overheard by: Mary Beth
A Real Man Knows Where a Girl's Spot Is
Chinese guy: What are you, Brazilian? Argentinian? I can't quite place my finger on it.
Indian girl: No, I'm Indian.
Chinese guy: Ooh. You're my little tandoori chicken. Where's your dot?
--KGB Bar, E. 4th Street
Bon Appetit, Wednesday One-liners
Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
--N train, Union Street station
Actually, Mr. Magoo, He is Jewish
Girl #1: Wait, why did you call her a Chink?
Amerasian girl: Because that's what she is!
Guy #1: That's not very politically correct.
Guy #2: Yeah, she's Oriental.
--6 Train
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
That Makes It OK How?
Swedish chick #1: So don't Chinese people eat, like, cats and dogs?
Chinese manicurist: Ah, no. Ah, yes, but just little bit.
Swedish chick #2: That's okay. In Sweden we eat fish that has been sitting in salt juices for a year.
--Nail salon, 2nd Avenue between St. Mark's & 7th
Japanese Food Tastes of Pleasure
Chinese girl: I hate it when non-Chinese people make my Chinese food.
Puerto Rican guy: Yeah, when Chinese people make it, it tastes like greed.
Chinese girl: What did you say?
Puerto Rican guy: Relax. Italian food tastes like lazy complacency.
--49th & Broadway
Uh, Some of Us Don't...
Chinese woman #1: Her husband is so cheap!
Chinese woman #2: Yeah, well...
Chinese woman #1: Where do you find someone like that?
Chinese woman #2: He's a Shanghai-nese.
Chinese woman #1: Oh...Well, you know how those people are.
Translated from the Chinese.
--7 train
At Least We Know the Korean Guy Doesn't Hate Chinese People
2 Black teens sit at a table together, comparing the shopping they've just done. One gets up to ask for a cigarette from a middle-aged Asian dude sitting nearby. The Asian dude ignores the teen.
Black teen #1: Man, I hate Chinese people.
Black teen #2: Yo son, watch what you're saying. Look around you.
Black teen #1: I don't give a shit, man! I fucking hate
Chinese people.
Black teen #2: Besides, I'm pretty sure they're Korean.
--Greenstreets, 32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: enkie
Always Complaining About Wednesday One-liners
Lady: I don't like to parallel park...it messes up my hair.
--61st & Madison
Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.
--L train
Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn't fucking bartending! It sucked!
--61st & 3rd
Chinese chick: Oh, I don't watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?
--B6 bus
Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?
--Penn Station
Girl: I don't know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I'll be honest, sometimes they just don't do it for me.
--2 train
Punk chick: ...hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.
--St. Mark's between 1st & A
Chick: You're not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don't wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!
--12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Domi & Rachel
Chinese Food Doesn't Think It's Better Than All Other Foods
Tourist guy: So what's the difference between Korean and Chinese?
New York guy: You mean the food, or the people?
Tourist guy: Either one. But I only care about the food.
--Bayard & Mulberry
Overheard by: iiams
Manners Have Nothing to Do With Math Skills
Little Chinese girl: You don't understand anything!...Just shut the hell up.
Passerby: I thought Asian kids were supposed to be polite.
--14th & 6th
Overheard by: Djlindee
It's Lunchtime, New York!
Black guy: I want pork fried rice with fried wonton, a shrimp roll, and wonton soup...Hey! Did you hear me?!
Counter lady: Yes, yes...pork spare ribs.
--Chinese takeout, Madison & Rutgers
Overheard by: Joe R
The Beauty of Cantonese (A NYC Short Story)
Two Chinese men sit down on the bench next to a sleeping homeless man trying to sleep.
Hobo: Ah, hell no! You're not going to start having a conversation like that at 3 in the fuckin' morning...I ain't got no motherfucking subtitle button on me!
--49th Street station
Overheard by: Schweiz
He's a Little Too Chubby for Me
Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I'm sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you've seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha!
Translated from the Chinese.
--Flushing store
Overheard by: Ting
No! Focus on Hating the White Devil!
Black chick: Watch who you pushing! You pushing me ever again, I'm gonna Bruce Lee your ass, motherfucker! Say you're sorry, chink!
Chinese guy: Go fuck yourself!
--Utopia Parkway
Overheard by: Ting
One to Grow On: 1 in 5 People Get Busy at Night
Portuguese guy: ...so where are you from?
Chinaman: From China. Did you know 1 out of every 5 people is Chinese? The Chinese are very quiet. But we are very busy...especially at night.
--6 train
Overheard by: heyhay
How I Spent My Morning Commute, by Michael Malice
Italian sister #1: I was coming here and this man fell down the stairs so I helped him. He kept falling down and falling down.
Italian sister #2: Was he old?
Italian sister #1: No, he was Chinese. Middle aged man.
Italian sister #1: I've got that movie at home about the airport.
Italian sister #2: What? Oh, um, Terminal?
Italian brother: What's that?
Italian sister #1: It's got Catherine Zeta Jones and, um, what's his name?
Italian brother: George Clooney?
Italian sister #1: No, he was in Forrest Gump. What's his name?
Italian sister #1: She's proposing to her boyfriend. With a watch! And it's not even a Rolex, it's a Tag.
Italian brother: She's proposing to her boyfriend?
Italian sister #1: Yeah. If you're going to force your boyfriend to marry you, at least get him a Rolex. Plus she's fat and ugly. If guys don't propose, girls don't know what to do. So they go get a Tag watch!
Italian sister #2: Remember yesterday when that Chinese girl's phone went off and it was a cat? I was like, "Dinner calling!"
Italian brother: That was funny.
--D train
A Homeless Miss Manners
Vagrant: Can you help a homeless man get something to eat? Huh? Ma'am? Did you say no? I can't hear you!
Chinese Lady: No.
Vagrant: She said no! People, let me hear you!
--6 Train
Little Chinese People
Urban woman: Those little Chinese people never even say "Excuse me"! They're so fucking goddamn rude!
--D Train
Poo Poo Platter
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You're gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.
--W Train
